Hello. Im new here. A short introduction

[socarp]

I might as well introduce me here since im new here. Im a 29 years old guy. Let me tell you a bit of my story. I have never really been diagnosed with social anxiety by a doctor. But i found out this myself when i was around 15 by reading the symptoms on the internet. Ever since then i have hiding this from everyone. I was very quiet and shy as a child. I grew up with a younger sister. And i was the controlling one. Always told her what she was allowed to do and not to do. I was always making sure she followed the orders.

We fought all the time. Also ever since i was a child i did not like people or family looking at me. Even at the dinner table i was putting cornflakes packets in front of me on the table so that no one could see me. My father and grandfather were also quiet persons but always had a lot of friends around. I have always have a few close friends during my life. But in school i was shy and quiet in the class. I was good at sports and i had humor.

I was kind of the joker in the class and a popular kid in school even if i was not the loudest one and kept myself in the backround. The biggest problems social anxiety has kept me away from is advancing in career opportunities and forming intimate relationships with girls. Also getting to know new friends more in close. I have never had any problems with making an initial first good impression. But when i want to know someone more deeper i become insecure. I have always got attention from girls and my friends still wonder how i can be single.

Since they see me as a funny, creative, open minded and positive guy. I have only been out to a few dates. I get a lot of attention from girls in general but i do not like this. Probably that i get stiff and self centered when people are trying to get close to me. This social anxiety later led me into periods of depression mainly because of lack of relationships with girls. Now i am 29 years old and my longest relationship lasted 5 months. I have imploded with feelings and cant feel any emotions.

I have issues trusting people and i get paranoid and think people wants to use me. Now i see my friends having all kinds of relationships with girls and i am the one who is staying in the same place. I live in a paradox. I can get what i need for me to feel better but my toughs beliefs are in the way. I have never had any problems to get girls interested. It is just that i cant finish it. Asking out for a date etc. I get too self centered. People think im egoistic and only care about myself. That im arrogant and a bad listener. I get so self centered.

Im very self critical and i have always had a "all or nothing" thinking. About everything. I have the classic symptoms of thinking of what to say weeks before a meeting. Or after i have met new people i always come up with things i should have said. I get blank in my head. Alcohol helps me a bit during the weekends. I am chilled out and able to focus on people and what they say. Not about how i look, what i think etc.

This social anxiety led me to depression and which led me to a kind of narcissistic, depressive social anxiety. All mixed together. I even think i have OCD and ADD symptoms. I have started seeing a psychologist now but so far im not sure if it has helped yet. have not tired any medication. Im not sure if anyone else can relate to my story here.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

I had to laugh about the cornflake boxes. Me and my brother always did that too each other! LOL
You're in the right place. I've been frequenting this forum for a little over a month. It's amazing what you can learn about yourself from others. You did need to open yourself up more and risk being hurt. That takes time. Recognizing the problem is half the battle!

 

[Fin]

Hey there *waves* welcome to the forum. Do you know if anything triggered you to be the way you are? Also can you explain why you feel the way you do or do/did you just feel too much? Overwhelmed?

 

[socarp]

Not sure that triggered it. I was always hiding myself behind moms leg when i got introduced to new people. And then this thing that i dont like people looking at me, has led to that i become paranoid and self centered. The depression later came due to not be able to perform in social situations and the lack of intimate relationships have made me think a lot and just shut myself off. Even if girls are attracted to me.

 

[ClovizKarts]

welcome!!!

yes, reading i could relate to many things, although diferent and similar situations. i hope you can find it helpfull the same way that i did.

 

[laure15]

Im very self critical and i have always had a "all or nothing" thinking. About everything. I have the classic symptoms of thinking of what to say weeks before a meeting. Or after i have met new people i always come up with things i should have said. I get blank in my head. Alcohol helps me a bit during the weekends. I am chilled out and able to focus on people and what they say. Not about how i look, what i think etc.

Welcome to the forum!

I also cannot improvise well. I need to have a plan before important conversations with people. I also think about what I need to say, replay it several times in my head before I say it out loud.

 

[coyote]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

 

[chadmcmahon51]

Wow, im very happy that other people can relate to the problems I have with everyday life, I'm not alone after all. I first started noticing these "problems" back when I was in 4th grade. I was always trying to find a different escape route to being inside of the spotlight, if that was reading out loud or asking questions even if I couldn't understand what the teacher was explaining and even went to the extreme of being absent if I had to present a project in front of the class. This nightmare followed me up into high school, the funny thing is that I always had friends and I would be the guy everyone wanted to hang out with. I never had to put myself out there with girls they came to me. I found my girlfriend back in the 12th grade and we are currently still together. This issue I have interferes with my everyday life, its caused me to fight with my mother in law and her family because I don't talk or start conversations she thinks I'm very controlling and I have no empathy for other's. My mother in law criticizes me all the time and be littles me and that reminds me of my childhood I was always ignored and rejected and compared to other kids by my mom and dad. I was forced to grow up fast and people thought that I wouldn't be successful in life. That is my motivation in life, I take all the negative and turn it into a positive, im very successful today and my family is still not proud of me and still compare me to others when I make more money than them and im only 24!!!! Besides the issues I have in life I came out and told my wife last night about my problem and I said maybe I need some type of medicine for this??? She said no to me and knowing were a type of people who don't like confrontation what do you guys think? Sorry for a long story....

 

[jaim38]

She said no to me and knowing were a type of people who don't like confrontation what do you guys think? Sorry for a long story....

Hi and welcome to the forum! It's probably not worth your time to try to explain things to others. If you think you're successful already, then you are. You don't need validation from people to feel self worth.

Your mother in law needs to understand that there are many different types of people in this world. Some people are very talkative and outgoing while others are more introverted. You are probably a man of a few words and I see no problem with that.

 

[chadmcmahon51]

Does not having a childhood and always being be littled when I was younger play a role in S.A.?
I got the "why not" attitude and my mother in law hates me for being that way.. but from always avoiding
Daily tasks it bothers me so much. Ex. When ordering food at a fast food drive thru, I alrwady know what I
Want to eat and my wife asks for certin things and I can repeat it to her and myself... but when
Its my time to order I mess up all the time. My wife may want a pink lemonade to drink and Im not stupid
At all but its like its on the tip of my tounge! I try to say it and I cant, so I say Coke instead ...lol knowing
That she hasn't drank a soda since the 9th grade. When I get home she gets pissed off at me and I cover it ip with a lie, I lie because I was scared to tell her what my problem is... its causes problems for my everyday life..... what do I do from here

Thanks

Chad

 

[jaim38]

Does not having a childhood and always being be littled when I was younger play a role in S.A.?

Yes, probably. Parents who don't properly teach their kids social skills can result in their kids growing up with social problems.

My wife may want a pink lemonade to drink and Im not stupid
At all but its like its on the tip of my tounge! I try to say it and I cant, so I say Coke instead

This happens to me sometimes too. I get tongue tied and say the wrong thing. Before I did something, I knew exactly what I wanted but for some reason I managed to not go through with it. Must be the social anxiety.

 

[socarp]

Thanx for the replies. I actually wrote a letter to a psychologist and i have seen her a few times. I have not felt any big help but this is because i have not expressed my deepest inner thoughts yet. Im afraid to do this but i have to let this go. I also got a time trough my psychologist to a psychiatrist who prescribed me medicine which i took for over 2 months but it really did not help more than taking away the physical symptoms. It was a tranquilizer. The psychologist knows me story in full but the psychiatrist i only met once when she prescribe the medicine and told me i can also continue seeing her if i want. I only shortly described my problems.

Im going to write a follow up to my first post here. It’s a mixture of both. Depression and Social Anxiety. As I remember I never liked people looking at me. I got angry as a child. I am obsessed with my looks, fore example if my hair looks good etc. Even if I get approved that it does. I also have problem to listen to people while looking them in the eyes during a conversion because this makes me very self centered and I begin to think if my lips are moving strangely or if my face looks too stiff. This makes people think im a bad listener and im egocentric.


I have been a big daydreamer all my life. I live in fantasies where I fantasize about dream scenarios in life, about success, women I never got due to my social anxiety but where I built up a fantasy around on how it could look like. People say I can bee too paranoid sometimes, this is because I don’t trust people and therefore I take steps back when someone is trying to get close to me.


When someone gets interested in me I become very shut down. Im also very self critical. I have a all or nothing thinking. Looking back I think I have had anxiety all my life. I have always thinking of the past and I have for some reasons not being able to live in the present. I suspect I have obsessive thinking since I think about things from my childhood, what people said, or just people or happenings that has no relevance to the present. I have used the internet to build connections with friends and girls.


There I have no problems at all to have conversations, say what I feel . Internet dating has never been a problem for me. It is just that I have not been able to meet up with girls since my fears and symptoms of social anxiety his me. I doubt of myself a lot. Even if people say im good enough, im talented enough. I have this perfectionist thinking and I don’t like criticism.I get very defensive then. I want everything to be right at once. Im not sure if this is a part of social anxiety but I have never taken part of any side when there is an argument or if someone asks for an opinion. Im just neutral and blank in my head.

Then when someone says something or brings up his opinion I think that “wait I could have said that”. I feel that this all life of daydreaming and fantasizing is a symptom of ADD. People have told me im a * if this is a sign of ADD or short attention. I always think my jokes are the funniest and what I say. I have hard time remembering things since im so up in the clouds. I have always been a creative person and producing music has been a big part of life. When I socialize with new people or friends I constantly think of things from the past and I cant be in the moment.


Seems I cant form new toughts at all or have any conversations in the present. I hate taking advice from others, I am very stubborn and sometimes I can get angry if someone points something out to me or suggest me anything. I just tell them that everything is fine as it is and I don’t need that. I have recently opened up for my family more. Told things they did not knew about.

Currently everything has become worse and my obsessive thinking about past, career and women and lost love. I cant recognize myself and I don’t have energy to meet up with friends or anyone. I feel apathic. People have told me that im more quieter than usual or that im so quiet but I just don’t care when they make such remarks.

I don’t feel affected. I cant feel emotions. Maybe it is because I never had a relationship with a women that has made me feel like this. I wake up same time ever night sometimes and I dream a lot. I put down my big hobbies in life slowly, It has been harder to go on with no love. This social anxiety and obsessive thinking is stopping me of be in the present with people. Before a social meeting I feel good and imagine in my head how I will be. When the situation arrives I get blank in my head, forget things I should say. And after the social situation I remember what I have should said or done. Im usaly more open if the other person is taking initiative. Sometimes same thoughts , music gets stuck in my head for weeks. I even tell the same jokes or say the same things. I am very nice to other people, helping them. But when someone asks how I feel I just say that I feel great. And deep inside i feel that it is not what I feel.

 

[jaim38]

^I can relate to much of what you wrote. Especially the staying neutral during argument part. I tend to avoid things that are negative, and I consider arguments negative. People tend to raise their voices during arguments, emotions get very heated, and that upsets me. I am very sensitive.