hello everyone (a brief about me)

[imunchtaco]

So today started off like every other day basically does. my overly anxious mom waking me up at 7AM so i can "get ready for class" (which is at 2PM in the evening btw), yelling pulling the cover off of me. I had just went to sleep at 4AM because they day before was just as horrid and i was thinking about my life listening to music trying to drown out my troubles just for awhile. she flicks the light on and yells at me more and i never respond anymore because its like trying to hold a conversation with an animal when she's like this, and lately anything ANYTHING can set her off into this mood of nagging me about everything. As much as i hate to say it, my mom is the source of many of my social problems. she home schooled me which called me to be extremely shy, never let me play with the neighboring kids which created this weird relationship that followed me into high school and then she never taught me how to drive. This is one of the biggest things that makes me look like and idiot. if you could imagine a car full of middle aged women, a grandma, and me, an 18 year old guy just trying not to be seen by anyone. trust me. if i could stay home and totally avoid this, i would but i have school and she always does errands as soon as she picks me up instead of taking me home.

i live in a small town so everyone within a 50 mi radius of my house knows about me but they don't know my situation. just the other day this guy that i see all the time was smoking in a parking lot and i was in the car, my mom in the store paying for gas. it was like he knew since she was there i was more likely sitting in the car. so he came over to the car pretending he was just pacing as he smoked; he saw me, unaware that i was aware of him, and shook his head at as if out of pity! it was like a "that poor bastard" shake of the head, and then turn away place the cig back in his mouth as he walked back to where he was previously standing. t
that would've enraged me a few years ago when i was 15 or 16, but now I'm like who gives a ****. who are these people judging me? they are nobody's in the middle of nowhere trying to pretend that this **** life they live in this **** town is everything. but then its only human nature to want to be friends with anyone. i meet new people sometimes, but every time EVERYTIME this **** happens: i could be in a classroom with 18 new faces surrounding me all excited and friendly and warm, and there will be just 1 kid that went to HS with me in there. Before u know it, the unidentified for him or her hating me builds up and spreads like poison to every other person. and they blindly believe it, never speaking to me and giving me looks as we sit in the class. And I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT NO ONE I WENT TO HS SHOULD HATE ME FOR ANY REASON, you wanna know why? because i COULD GO WHOLE MONTHS WITHOUT UTTERING A WORD AT SCHOOL AND WHEN I DID IT WAS ONLY WHEN I WAS SPOKEN TO. YES I WAS THAT SHY. so i don't know why people would look t me with discust as i walked through the halls.
there was even this one time i was walking to lunch and this chick looked me dead in my face breaking her stride, said eww! and walked away laughing. And i know 100% that this was a charade coming purely from a place of hate, because when it comes to my self image (as in my appearance) i know I'm above average. i can't go to the grocery store or the bookstore or where ever, without girls hovering around me. what i lack is the confidence to speak to anyone without feeling like they would laugh in my face because of what i said or how i said it (even though it has never happened). i don't know if this is anxiety, or my sub conscious telling me my social skills are not there so don't say anything.

i need help trying to figure out whats wrong with me. do i give off bad energy? or do people just hate me for being me?

 

[jaim38]

Hi and welcome to the forum! I was in the same situation too. People avoid me like the plague as if I give off bad vibes. The only place I can sort of fit in is online. In real life, I am also super quiet, not uttering a word unless spoken to, and sometimes sticking up for other people, but there are people who still hate me for whatever reason.

 

[ukmale]

Dude your young believe me its so much easier when your young to make a change in your life than when your my age

I believe you need to spend more time away

Join groups clubs
Get a part time job
Look for your own place even look for a apartment share
Book a driving lesson

The more your away from your house I bet you feel so much better .. please start to make a chance in your life while you are young sitting around worrying waiting will not change anything you have to go and grap the bull by the horns and chance your life yourself no one is going to do it for you

Join the gym go swimming few times a week just get out of your house and do stuff book your driving lessons yes ok you will be **** scared but your bloody young try doing it when your 20 25 30 35

Get a move on only you can chance your life and in the long run it will chance your life forever if you sit around your sink deeper and deeper into depression do you want that?? Or do you wanna be young care free living in a apartment driving a car with a girlfriend a part time job going to the gym keeping fit

If so start moving on it now

Write down what your gonna do set yourself some goals

Stop hiding away in your room go to the gym go swimming get out there and do stuff you maybe be shy but you can get over that please don't wait till your 35

Believe me book your driving lessons now as soon as you can get out and about in car your gonna feel so much better in yourself as soon as you move out of your mothers your gonna feel so much better

Wish you all the best of luck .. stop lying to yourself NOTHING is going to change unless you stand up and shout out loud that you want it to change and start getting a move on I'm sure you don't wanna be 35 alone still living with your mother as that's what's going happen if you don't stand up right now dude stand up right now and say you don't want this you wanna be something in your life


Look dude being for real now .. your 18 right I know this sounds bad or extreme but if you was to go and join the navy army air force or marine corps just doing what ever it is in the states 4 or 5yrs in the navy let's say you will change your life for the better and for ever you will become a man you will be president have responsibility and believe me dude I know it sounds hard or extreme but they will turn you into a man and you will never regret it as if you don't leave move away from your home town while you are young you will end up just staying with your mother till your 45 doing a dead end job no girlfriend ect just grab the ball by the horns and move away and learn to stand on your own to feet

I believe the best thing you can do if join the navy or air force and become a man as the longer you lie and hide away nothing will change the faster you move out of your home town the faster you will become a man

I don't wanna be rude or upset you but I wish I could kick you up the ass and say please don't make the same mistakes as I have made it gets only worse and worse as you get older you are so young if I could turn back the clock and be your age right now I would have just moved away joined the navy and become a man

just remember this ... Do you want to be 45 still living at home .. if not the only way your gonna change that is by getting a move on and changing your own life its your life now go grab it and make something of your life

Wish you all the best .. ukmale

your young making mistakes is what we do in life but please don't make the biggest mistake of your whole life that will destroy your life give you years of depression and end up wanting to kill yourself ... You will be scared but believe me the 1st 6months or 1st year will be hard but as soon as your away from your home town the better you will feel and in the long run you will have the confidence to just jump on a plane and visit europe on holiday let's say but if you don't grab your life by the horns now your still be living at home and still on this site aged 45 ...... Think about it 3 or what years in the navy and a life time of fun or 50+ years alone living in your childhood home its your life don't make any mistakes you will regret mate

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

I feel for you! I think that guy at the gas station wasn't being mean. I was shaking my head too reading it! Your mom, controls way to much of your life. It would really suck being 18 and having to go on errands with a bunch of older women--NO guy could enjoy that!

Being home schooled and not allowed to play with other kids probably did stunt your social skills but it didn't kill them.......It would be better if you could go to college somewhere else, far far away from your mom and that town! But, if you have to stay, join clubs. Make an effort. I know it's going to be hard but you can do it!

The good thing is that you know your above average in looks. Now, just start talking to people. While in class, ask the person next to you if they want to study for an upcoming test. To get started, ask other students random class related questions or talk about stuff you've seen on TV. Other students have done that to me and I do it as well to meet people-very normal.

Good luck!

 

[imunchtaco]

thank you guys so much this really inspired me to really go out there and do stuff for myself! I realized reading Ukmales post that i had fallen into this mindset that i was playing the victim, hoping someone would notice my situation and save me. But now i realize i got to make the effort!

Just yesterday as I was waiting for my mom to pick me up from school, i walked by this class room and me and this cute redhead locked eyes. I didn't think nothing of it at first but i walked by it again and heard a girl in the class room go "woot" (like a cat call or something) i thought it was funny and i kept walking not thinking much of it looking down at my phone walking slowly. Next thing you know, this redhead comes walking down the halls behind me in a cute flower sundress and cowboy boots, and as she passed me she looked out the conner of her eye to see if i noticed her .

we both go into the bathrooms. I linger a bit inside to see if she's gonna turn on the faucet, flush or something so i'll know she's gonna come out and we can "coincidentally" bump into each other, but she takes a very long time and I'm like forget it and i head to the lobby to wait on my ride.

so I'm sitting there, thinking about her how cute she was and stuff...and from the lobby area i see her come walking out the bathroom and as if looking for me! she looks left, nothing. looks right, there i am sitting with my sketchbook in my lap. I nervously turn away quickly looking out the window hoping she didn't notice me check her out, but before i turned i noticed a smile come on her face when she saw me . She decides to take a drink of water at the fountain right outside the bathrooms and i know this because i saw her out my peripheral bend over to take a sip. Now I'm waiting for her to go back to her class room so i can sort be like okay its over, but the feel good kind of its over. Like the kind you feel when you get off of a ride at a amusement park.

BUT! as i turn my head back, she's there lingering at the fountain twirling around, pressing little button that releases the water (so CUTE!) . It was so cute because at this point i know she just wants to see my face again, lock eyes again, and i really did too. so she slowly turned to look at me, moving her long dark sandy red hair out her face, pivoting on her cute cowboy boots. and a good 3 secs went by with us just koi-ly smiling at each other, me resting my chin on my hand my knuckles pressing against my bottom lip. i felt all warm and tingly! then she couldn't hold it anymore, she let out a big smile blushing and bitting her nails, then she quickly turned around and went back to class.


And i have these sorts of experiences at least once or twice a month when I'm out at a grocery store or department store or library, and they are confidence boosters but i rarely talk to the girls because of that ridiculous selfconcious thing about my voice. But monday I'm gonna talk to this girl in my english class who i think wants to talk to me thanks to you guys! I searched deep and found out most of my fear come from this idea i have about myself being more immature than my peers. i looked back on multiple situations and found myself mentally visualizing myself as a child!! and i know it has to do with the lack of respect i receive as an adult in my family!! but monday I'm gonna be a ****ing! man!! i have career goals that I'm reaching on my own with no ones help! and theres nothing more manly than cultivating my future!! I'm gonna go in class monday say hey to the girl sit down, turn to her and say "this class is so boring" (what do you guys think?) I'm gonna work on visualizing myself as a man for now on. thank you guys so much.

and be expecting a follow up post monday afternoon

 

[onecellinthesea]

Great advice by UKmale and ImNotMyIllness, I would have said the same.

I would love to hear how it goes for you with talking to the girl in your English class

 

[Lou-s-Darkness]

I really think you're doing the right choice in just moving on and finding your true path in life. Your future is you greatest weapon. I really hope things will get better for you, and I understand your confidence issues...let's just say I'm really, and I mean really not confident. But you seem to be more confident with that situation with the cute girl. I know that if a guy looked at me I'd blush like crazy, hyperventilate and just dash out from wherever I am, or just try really hard to avert my gaze and turn so the person can't see me lol (It has happened before, sadly).

Anyway, GOOD LUCK!! And I can't wait to hear what happens between you and the girl :3

 

[imunchtaco]

So I literally just got out of my english class, and i knew some unaccounted-for variable would rear its ugly head at the last minute and it was the most obvious one of all....She didn't show up.

So I'm sitting in this class and for some reason, the class is like a wasteland only like 8 people showed up! I was like okay....this is out of the ordinary. And as soon as i stepped in the class i started getting bad vibes right away from the usual suspects. just staring at me the whole time as i sat there trying to do my work. and this one mother****er- who was sitting right beside me i might add- repeatedly looked at me, shook his head, and proceeded to text on his phone. And I'm like wtf is your problem dude. you don't know even know my name, why the **** are you acting like you have ANY reason to look at me with such discust..and i wasn't looking weird i know because i had on a black v-neck, some board shorts, and my favorite 5 panel hat. And then after theres this other guy who looks straight at me everyday with this condescending look on his face like "hey goof ball!" with his eyebrows raised. like the sort of expression you would make if you were to sigh and say "Here we go!" right before doing something daunting(idk the look is hard to explain). And I'm like its gonna be one of those days. But don't worry it gets worse.

The teacher assigns us a group project......and this kid who is apparently discuted by the sight of hawaiian board shorts is the only one near me...

the whole time the teacher is explaining the project, this kid is sighing and stuff and rolling his eyes at the back of my head like I'm so eager to work with this loser. I seriously want to know whats wrong with these people... But I'm not going to get all negative!! long story short, i found a partner to work with that was not him, and we had fun or whatever.

But other than that whole ****ty experience of the day, my day was good! i went to look for jobs! and I was successful! some stranger even gave me some info on some local places hiring! I felt very positive up until that point of going to class, shooting the breeze with a cop, projecting my voice confidently, and exchanging looks with a girl in the hall. And i still feel pretty positive I won't let that ruin my day!