yumesa
Well-known member
So I've recently stumbled upon this site from googling jobs for shy people and I'm very happy to see that I'm not weird for being shy or antisocial. Hope you don't mind me spilling out my life story as my introduction post.
For as long as I can remember I wasn't a very social person and I'm always very quiet. I'm too shy to approach people and I mostly keep to myself. Growing up I usually have one friend who I cling to, but would loose touch and never see them again once we move to the next grade. Would rarely ever hang out with them after school because I was terrified of the phone. Another thing I'm terrified of is getting the spotlight. To speak in public by myself or when everyone's attention is on me I'd panic and I feel like I want to disappear or die. In high school I've taken Theater Arts class to help with my public speaking, but there were embarrassing times that I try to forget.
At the moment I'm in a art university trying to get a degree in Illustration, but this school has made it difficult to finish in 4 years and this is my 6th year being here and it will be my last FINALLY. I live in a big city and had many ups and downs. My roommates at the dormitory were friendly, but I've noticed that I was very different from them. I am quite a tomboy kind of girl and these girls like to drink and go out dancing. Sure they try to drag me to go drinking and dancing with them, but I've only accepted a few times and I felt very awkward. Since I don't talk much or at all I am mostly seen as that girl who tags along and just "there." I don't do well in groups but with one or two person I feel fine depending on the person. I have had friends for roommates, but after a year they mostly leave me since I practically stop talking to them after living with them and seeing them more often than I like. At parties I'm always in some corner to myself, and when some does come up and try to talk to me its very awkward since I don't ever have anything to say. They mostly end up going to some else to talk to.
After all this time, I've actually grown more insecure and self conscious which makes me more shy and have SA. I have worked as a cashier and been told that customers have a tough time understanding what I am saying either I'm too quiet or I just mumble too much. My friend have told me that when they first met me they thought I hated them. One of them actually told me that I have no personality and that I was one of those people who would pull out a gun and start shooting the school down. I know it's uncommon that friends would start joking, teasing, and make of fun each other like calling you "bitch" or "hey jerk" but it hurts me more than they think. But since I've moved out of the dormitory and into my own apartment I'm having a very hard time making new friends, and these are the only ones who'd put some effort to still talk to me. There was a time that they laughed at a stupid thing I said that I cried in front of them. I hate that the feeling of failure or looking lame or stupid. There was a time were we went to a bar and they try to make me drink even after I told them I can't drink (I throw up after a can or glass of beer), and I had to ditch them. I felt so lonely and depressed that night that I really wanted to start talking to a stranger at the bar that also looked bored and lonely but I couldn't gather the courage to do that.
My confidence in myself have gotten so low these past few years that I'm terrified of how I'll handle the future once I graduate. Anyways, thanks for looking at my long intro/life story first post here. Just needed to let it out and I feel alittle better now. I'm glad to find this place and hope to gain some of my confidence back.
For as long as I can remember I wasn't a very social person and I'm always very quiet. I'm too shy to approach people and I mostly keep to myself. Growing up I usually have one friend who I cling to, but would loose touch and never see them again once we move to the next grade. Would rarely ever hang out with them after school because I was terrified of the phone. Another thing I'm terrified of is getting the spotlight. To speak in public by myself or when everyone's attention is on me I'd panic and I feel like I want to disappear or die. In high school I've taken Theater Arts class to help with my public speaking, but there were embarrassing times that I try to forget.
At the moment I'm in a art university trying to get a degree in Illustration, but this school has made it difficult to finish in 4 years and this is my 6th year being here and it will be my last FINALLY. I live in a big city and had many ups and downs. My roommates at the dormitory were friendly, but I've noticed that I was very different from them. I am quite a tomboy kind of girl and these girls like to drink and go out dancing. Sure they try to drag me to go drinking and dancing with them, but I've only accepted a few times and I felt very awkward. Since I don't talk much or at all I am mostly seen as that girl who tags along and just "there." I don't do well in groups but with one or two person I feel fine depending on the person. I have had friends for roommates, but after a year they mostly leave me since I practically stop talking to them after living with them and seeing them more often than I like. At parties I'm always in some corner to myself, and when some does come up and try to talk to me its very awkward since I don't ever have anything to say. They mostly end up going to some else to talk to.
After all this time, I've actually grown more insecure and self conscious which makes me more shy and have SA. I have worked as a cashier and been told that customers have a tough time understanding what I am saying either I'm too quiet or I just mumble too much. My friend have told me that when they first met me they thought I hated them. One of them actually told me that I have no personality and that I was one of those people who would pull out a gun and start shooting the school down. I know it's uncommon that friends would start joking, teasing, and make of fun each other like calling you "bitch" or "hey jerk" but it hurts me more than they think. But since I've moved out of the dormitory and into my own apartment I'm having a very hard time making new friends, and these are the only ones who'd put some effort to still talk to me. There was a time that they laughed at a stupid thing I said that I cried in front of them. I hate that the feeling of failure or looking lame or stupid. There was a time were we went to a bar and they try to make me drink even after I told them I can't drink (I throw up after a can or glass of beer), and I had to ditch them. I felt so lonely and depressed that night that I really wanted to start talking to a stranger at the bar that also looked bored and lonely but I couldn't gather the courage to do that.
My confidence in myself have gotten so low these past few years that I'm terrified of how I'll handle the future once I graduate. Anyways, thanks for looking at my long intro/life story first post here. Just needed to let it out and I feel alittle better now. I'm glad to find this place and hope to gain some of my confidence back.
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