Having fun/banter at work

[Richey]

Ok, so out of all the progress I have made over the years, this is the one thing I still really struggle at, often I become tongue tied and that just leads to feeling angry at myself as the shift goes on which leads to being passive, withdrawn and sometimes jealous. Currently I work in a group, nice people, they all banter very well, sharp tongues, are playful, super quick witted relaxed, use sarcasm etc...

I notice myself being too self conscious, too slow to react or when I do react to a jokey comment I either mess it up or respond with something short and lame, or it makes no sense...

One thing I notice in others is that they seem to have low inhibitions, it is as if they drink alcohol or they are just naturally very relaxed and grew up feeling very confident....

There is this one person at work who jokes with all the managers, shows off, always knows the right things to say and it is just incredible, it's as if they were given some magic potion to unlock fun and wit....

The reason I care about this, is that the people who are good at this seem to progress into higher roles at work, because they come across as more likeable and approachable...more importantly it means they get on well with co-workers and that seems very important...maybe it's genetic, maybe it's their environmental conditioning growing up that made them good with people.

So at the moment I write down long lists of ice-breakers, quotes from comedies that seem universally funny, I read lots of books that have good wordplay by witty writers..

I rehearse quotes in my car, I rehearse and I relax, I try my best to feel mindful and in the moment..but some people just seem naturally relaxed and fun...

But in the heat of the moment, often you can't use a lot of those lines or quotes....

Has anyone around here progressed in this area at work and if so, how did you do it??

This issue is ruining my life.

 

[PugofCrydee]

It almost sounds like I'm listening to myself reading what you've written.
That was me not 12 months ago. I struggled, was super self conscious, struggled to feel like I fit in socially.
A few major things I learnt - and prioritized was;

- DONT rehearse in your mind how you think things will/may play out.
This is a huge no no. If you want to know why, look up 'SA and rumination'. Rumination is one of the biggest traps we as SA sufferers fall in to.

- Make sure you perform your duties and responsibilities as an employee well. If others see you as a competent and well mannered employee, they will have more respect for you. You will also feel more confident in your abilities, knowing you can perform well amongst your workmates.

- Don't take yourself too seriously! Learn that it's ok to laugh at yourself Nothing kills fun in the workplace faster than someone who's too serious.

Once your workmates realize you actually don't mind a bit of a joke and a laugh too, it won't be long before you'll be included in those moments when a few of you are laughing at something.
All it takes is for you to be within earshot of something others are laughing about, smile, look their way and only make BRIEF eye contact with one or two of them while they are still amused..continue your work, smiling knowing one or two of them have made the same brief eye contact with you, laughing/joking too. Perhaps when you smile at the joke, you can give a slight shake of you're head in amusement.

Small steps toward becoming involved are easier to manage, rather than stepping in and making a statement. You don't put yourself under too much pressure this way either.
Also, with this way, you can pick and choose which things/situations you want to become involved in. If you don't feel comfortable with a certain situation, keep on working as if you didn't hear what was being said.

Above all, learn to care a little less about what 'might/should/could' happen.
Relax, give it time, I'm sure you can improve things.
Hey, if I can..you can!