Having a laugh

[aj]

...and what I guess they call rapport... how?

Ten minute break at work this afternoon and I was standing outside alone with someone I work with. There would normally be someone else there, but they were off today.

I tried to make a bit of conversation and it went okay. What we had for dinner last night and what we had planned for the evening. I was even fairly relaxed. But the atmosphere was still boring, and it didn't go anywhere. Waiting to drive out of work this evening I saw them with someone else from work, and they were obviously having a great chat as they were walking along.

Seeing other people that I know get along with someone else makes me feel crap (I want to get along with them like that too), but when they are 'having a laugh' it kills me a little more inside every time. Why can't I do that? I guess it's mostly subconscious... can it even be learnt at all?

 

[recluse]

Try not to get jealous of other people. Thinking ''I wish i was like them'' will get you nowhere. I've started to change my outlook that each of us are individual with our own unique personalitites. I used to get jealous of other people but i realise now that it get's me nowhere.

 

[SilentType]

Focus more on the positive aspects of life. So you're not the best at communicating? I'm not either, big deal. Most of us here suck at small talk. It doesn't mean we're not great at other things.

Here's my advice: Small talk comes more easily to me if read the news at the beginning of each day and pick out a few things to bring up throughout the day. It works great for killing those "awkward silences" that we hate so much.

Just my 2 cents...


Peace

 

[aj]

Thanks guys, well I guess you're right I suppose everyone has their place. Some to have a laugh with, some to speak seriously to.

It happened again today, and it went okay... it felt nice while it was happening. Not much else I can say about it really.

I will try that with the news. I'd thought about it before but I never really got a chance to do it, maybe I will now.

 

[Caseums21]

When you meet someone that you have the same interests, it's easier to talk to them. Not everyone you talk to will be conversations with both of you laughing. I'm sure people look at you and say "I wish I could do that" of something that you can do or talk about but they can't.

zeroday is right that you don't want to think about it too much. If you do, you'll become more worried and start to panic. Just talk about something that interests you and they'll go along with the conversation.

 

[narpati]

Laugh!!!!!?

A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a
remote post in the African desert.During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.
He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there.
The nervous sergeant said, "Well sir, as you know,there are 250 men here on the post and no women.
And sir, sometimes the men have 'urges'. That's why we
have the camel."
The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this,but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay."
About a month later, the Captain starts having his own urges. Crazy with passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild, insane sex with the camel. When he's done, he asks the Sergeant, "Is that how the
men do it?" "No, not really, sir ...They usually just ride the
camel into town where the girls are.

 

[aj]

Hehe :lol:

Well, okay, I admit it, I am jealous. But it would be so nice just to click with someone. Like everything else, everyone seems to be able to do it so easily. I guess you can only try.

 

[ghostpicnic]

...and what I guess they call rapport... how?

Ten minute break at work this afternoon and I was standing outside alone with someone I work with. There would normally be someone else there, but they were off today.

I tried to make a bit of conversation and it went okay. What we had for dinner last night and what we had planned for the evening. I was even fairly relaxed. But the atmosphere was still boring, and it didn't go anywhere. Waiting to drive out of work this evening I saw them with someone else from work, and they were obviously having a great chat as they were walking along.

Seeing other people that I know get along with someone else makes me feel crap (I want to get along with them like that too), but when they are 'having a laugh' it kills me a little more inside every time. Why can't I do that? I guess it's mostly subconscious... can it even be learnt at all?

I think it can be learned.
And I don't think rapport is instantaneously made. If it is, I think the person is just that good at getting along.
I find what helps is to have an intention of having fun with the other person, regardless of what you might suspect of the outcome or their reaction (as in, if you think the person will be bored with you and whatever, I think that gets in the way of your pursuit. If they do show signs of lack of interest, I say disengage.).
With consistency and mutual understanding, I think the rapport is made.

edit: I just read the other responses and I agree with them.

 

[Infected_Malignity]

...and what I guess they call rapport... how?

Ten minute break at work this afternoon and I was standing outside alone with someone I work with. There would normally be someone else there, but they were off today.

I tried to make a bit of conversation and it went okay. What we had for dinner last night and what we had planned for the evening. I was even fairly relaxed. But the atmosphere was still boring, and it didn't go anywhere. Waiting to drive out of work this evening I saw them with someone else from work, and they were obviously having a great chat as they were walking along.

Seeing other people that I know get along with someone else makes me feel crap (I want to get along with them like that too), but when they are 'having a laugh' it kills me a little more inside every time. Why can't I do that? I guess it's mostly subconscious... can it even be learnt at all?

here's my outlook on the situation: give it your all. if you don't feel a connection, move on.

being open and friendly is all it takes. however, if the other person is going to be snobby or standoffish about it, walk away. find somebody more interesting to talk to.

life's short. take chances. find cooler folks to hang with. and if you can't... you're just not trying hard enough. tr00f.

 

[aj]

Advice noted, from all of you

I have known these people for about nine months now... I wonder if I would have 'clicked' with them if I didn't have this problem. Who knows. Maybe I still can with one or two of them, eventually. I am trying!