have you been fired because of social anxiety?

[dottie]

i think i am getting fired. here's the scoop:

usually i work 2 nights a week. we are fully staffed and 2 weeks ago they brought in 2 new servers that the owner recruited from other restaurants. he personally hand selected these guys because he thought they were so good. ok. so last week i was only scheduled to work one day but the owner called and told me not to come in because it would be slow. so i didn't work last week. this week i was not even scheduled to work. so, it is safe to assume they are replacing me, right?

like you, i have social anxiety so bad. but i push myself to do things against my nature- like becoming a server. when i am working i look like a frazzled mess... because i am. i know i'm not cut out to be a server, but i tried anyway because when you need a job that fits around school you have to bite the bullet at some point. being a server has been a major struggle for me. it is not rewarding whatsoever except for the tips.

i feel like a failure, like i am not good enough socially. i stick out like a huge, gangley, awkward sore thumb. i tried and tried against the face of social anxiety to push myself into something i am not good at. after a year and a half i think it is time to find a different occupation.

i am a good, honest person and a hard worker. i want to be in a position in which my work is appreciated. maybe i will be socially awkward but at least i will be seen as someone who is thorough and efficient.

(edited subject heading)

 

[2Crowded]

Never got fired because of it....I always ended up leaving on my own because of it.

 

[dottie]

(more venting because this website is my only outlet)

the fact is i hate being around people so much. it is the most uncomfortable thing in the world. i don't know what to do with myself in the presence of people- what to do with my hands, where to look. this makes functioning like a normal person very challenging when i can't even be incognito. how can i funtion in society when i cannot hide my social retardation (and believe me i try!)?

i don't even care if people accept me anymore on a friendly level, i have given up on it. but it does concern me when i can't hold a job despite the fact that i am a damn hard worker, i cause no trouble, and TRY. but my batshit insecurity shines through the mask i try to wear and they can tell i am a mess. this doesn't look good in front of customers.

i've a coworker who has been caught popping pills and has performed poorly as a direct result. they keep her but they fire me because of my nervousness, my stage fright, something i can't control. i guess i make the restaurant look bad because i am not smooth and eloquent.

right now my confidence is at 0. i need to talk to someone who understands but no one is out there. i need someone to tell me that i am good enough. i want to feel valued as an individual, as an employee.

i am tired of being "that mess" even when i try hard to wear a mask of conformity. i try and try but i can't win. it is so humiliating. i am a relatively intelligent person but when it comes to interaction with other people i am retarded. paranoia ensues, anxiety takes grip, my mind shuts down, i can't focus, i am just a mess. this will get you nowhere in the real world. i do not feel equipped with the social skills and basic confidence to get by in society. it is uncontrollable. i feel like giving up and becoming a recluse because it is so humiliating to be this way around people, but that is not an option.

 

[jschuley]

I feel for you very much. I can't even imagine what I would be like as a server, I would likely suck balls. My one friend does that for a living and he makes really good money, and I hear all the serving stories, and I understand how it works to represent the restaurant to the customers. I suggest you find a job where you don't have to deal so directly with customers.. You could be a cook or a factory worker. (I work part time in a factory right now). You are clearly very intelligent, as many of us here are, and it is good that you are in school. Get a degree in something you can handle, and don't give up. You will be okay, at least you are pushing yourself. As long as we haven't given up trying, there is hope.

 

[jordo]

i am tired of being "that mess" even when i try hard to wear a mask of conformity. i try and try but i can't win. it is so humiliating. i am a relatively intelligent person but when it comes to interaction with other people i am retarded. paranoia ensues, anxiety takes grip, my mind shuts down, i can't focus, i am just a mess. this will get you nowhere in the real world. i do not feel equipped with the social skills and basic confidence to get by in society. it is uncontrollable. i feel like giving up and becoming a recluse because it is so humiliating to be this way around people, but that is not an option.

this is exactly why you should feel "good enough"! you have all this going against you and yet you are willing to take all the shit the world throws at you and still keep going through the motions and bettering yourself. i for one...have given up...long time ago. i hope that doesnt bring you down...i'm just saying how much better a person you are than me. sa sucks...it takes no prisoners (is that the saying?...i'm stupid lol). it probably was dealt to you the day you were born...sorry to say. its not your fault! you should be proud of being able to be a server as many of us would be unable to do it. well if you dont hear from them in the next week you should look for another server position since you have experience...dont give up! it just might be your boss. youre right...the way you write you sound intelligent. but the problem as with most of us...is transferring that to speaking. i think i heard that from someone here :?. i know you can do it...good luck!

i had a similar experience. my boss said he'll call me if he needed me and of course he never did. i think cuz i wasnt sociable with him...it was just us two. it was just a part-time temp job anyway. but i did quit several jobs cuz of my sa.

 

[dottie]

hey jordo, thanks for that. it really did make me feel better just to know someone heard me and understood.

update: i contacted my employer and i am not fired like i thought. gee, when they hire two new guys when we're fully staffed and suddenly don't schedule me for two weeks immediately afterward, i seriously believed they were trying to let go of me. the owner said things are just slow right now (then why did he hire two new guys?) and that i am fine. maybe it's just lip service but i'm still looking for a new job, anyway. something not in the customer service field!

 

[gutterflower_86]

i got fired recently... and it was partially because of my social anxiety.
i had 3 jobs and one particular friday i had a scheduling conflict between 2 of them. i was terrified to call and let either employer know because i didn't want to disappoint them; i have this ridiculous need to please everyone. so even though i knew i needed to do something, i didn't call until THAT day, after my counselor cut our session short so i could go deal with this fuck up immediately.
anyways, i ended up telling job #1 that i couldn't come in, i didn't lie or say i was sick or anything, i just said i wouldn't be there...
i got written up for it even though he "appreciated" my honesty.
about 3 months later, i missed a shift i didn't even know i had and because i avoid any confrontation, i didn't defend myself or anything and got fired. i had worked there for over a year.
i felt helpless, and defeated and completely misunderstood...
i wanted to tell him i couldn't call because i was terrified to disappoint him, and cause conflict, and that i wanted to resolve it all on my own, but i couldn't...