Had hostile encounters with my the husband of my cousin. He seemed very cold to me when i tried to congratulate him. Am i overthinking this?

[Shybutterfly99]

Background: I had a cousin come visit from her home country. I knew about her but i never met her. I finally met her one day and we hung out. She stayed with us for a few days. We got along well. The next time she came over to personally invite me over to her wedding! She has been trying to date and get married badly and found someone. I am very anxious in events like weddings. I never been to one and the thought of it scared me. I went since I did not want to disappoint her and she spend a fare to come to our place to personally invite me. I was so so nervous before the wedding. We only went to the dinner reception. I see my cousin and greet her and then I see the guy she married. After my mom said hello to him, i said hello too and smiled. He said hi but then his facial expression fell as i was smiling and i got an aura from him that seemed unwelcoming. Then i had to take a picture after that with my cousin, he was in the middle, the photographer taking the pics before taking the picture, looked at me all wide eyed. Which started to make me feel self conscious .

I noticed my cousin husband was fine with everyone, smiling with other people, even if he was nervous was polite to them. With me, different story. He was uncomfortable around me and made it apparent to show me that he felt slighted around me and that i was an annoyance. Unfriendly looks and agitation. As me and my mom were leaving to go home. the groom was hugging and telling everyone 'thanks for coming' as they were leaving. He hugged my mom, he saw me, and gave me a straight up hostile look and does not say anything. I felt awkward and feeling nervous was like um.... the first thing that popped out was ' uh....Nice to meet you!" and he says in such a cold tone 'thank you' and walks away and literally turned his back to me and continues to greet, thank, and talk to other guests. I never got a thanks for coming or anything. I couldn't help but feel a little slighted and that if i did something. Something about that interaction felt... very hostile. I went home overthinking, thinking why he reacted so negative to me like that. I thought maybe it because he didn't know me well. But he didn't know my mom or my other family well he and he was polite with them. He was fine with my other cousins he didn't know well and greeted them fine. Maybe he sensed my nerves and he got nervous back which made him cold. He seems like a tense and anxious person.


I had to see him again when he drove all of us to my aunt's wedding. I noticed he was cold again. We stopped by his sister's place and i asked his sister if it was okay to use the restroom at her place. She was nice enough to let me . I hear him from behind me say 'you need to use the bathroom?", i turn and I just see him just staring off ahead, arms crossed, and not making eye contact. I didn't know what to say so I just kept talking with his sister. After i left the restroom in her home, i was walking and stopped to speak to my cousin and my mom, he walks by and i notice he giving me the side eye, a disapproval look.. I found that very strange. When he held the door for us, he was giving a bad look and i just avoided eye contact with him as i started to feel very anxious and uncomfortable. You know some people, you meet them and they give off a negative/hostile aura and then you start to feel uncomfortable in response? It was sorta like this.. I think i looked visibly uncomfortable and anxious and people noticed because after that, my cousin constantly asked me if i was okay and what was wrong. I was too anxious to tell her i felt uncomfortable around her husband and his hostility.

When we were at my aunt's wedding, again he was rude and behaving like last time. There was an event in which it seemed like he purposely excluded me out of the photo when we are in the photo booth. My cousin grabbed my arm and took me to the photo-booth, she wanted us to take pictures. and then i turn and i see him walk in. I didn't know he was coming as well. I felt very awkward and didn't know what to do. when i tried to pose next to my cousin, he just suddenly said 'come here' to my cousin and roughly grabbed her to take a pic. leaving me to the side. That picture came out so awkward, i was just standing there to the side looking confused and like the third wheel I felt very embarrassed. And he only wrote his and my cousin name, on the back of the picture, despite i was in the pic as well. I honestly told my cousin i did not like that picture.I felt very embarrassed of that picture and didn't want them to use it to send to my aunt getting married because i was just the lost third wheel in there. Throughout my aunt's wedding event . He was visibly annoyed by my presence (Sighing, looking around everywhere but me looking panicked, when my cousin told me she wanted me to take picture of them . This was his reaction when i looked at both of them to take a good picture. Very odd. ) i don't think i ever seen anyone so triggered and offended by my presence like that. When he was driving us back home, i noticed he sighed pretty loudly and was acting passive aggressive. I couldn;t help but think i was making him feel annoyed and angry that i was around. He seemed to detest the fact i was even around.

I wish now i could have asked him if he had a problem with me. my cousin likes to say to the family how he is 'the best guy' and nice guy. which is why I was surprised when i first meet him considering the positive things she said about him and he was so cold in return. She did tell me that he is very quiet, does not know Spanish (my family main language) and does not speak to our family at all.

Do you think i am overreacting by being slighted by this? does this sound odd to you or am i overthinking it?

 

[Phoenixx]

It's hard to say if his problem sits only with you, or whether he's making you the target for his negative feelings. I know you mentioned he was polite to other members of your family, but you also mentioned that he doesn't speak with your family at all. Now is that even despite the language barrier? Does he not make attempts to speak with your family despite not knowing Spanish?

Reading this, it could be that he's not a fan of your family, and your acting uncomfortable is triggering him to take that as a sign you don't like him either. Obviously not saying that you intentionally came off that way. Anxiety sucks and we can't always control how our face looks or what our body language says in these situations.

Either way, whatever his problem is, remind yourself that it's on him and not you. If he doesn't like you or your family, then that's on him and it's solely his problem. If he can't be bothered to give you even a smidge of common courtesy when he's around you, maybe you should talk to your cousin about it and see if she can mention something to him. If you have the balls you could also be blunt to him as well about his behavior. That being if the rest of the family wouldn't get up in arms over it. Otherwise, I feel it's best to just turn the other cheek and ignore it.

 

[Shybutterfly99]

It's hard to say if his problem sits only with you, or whether he's making you the target for his negative feelings. I know you mentioned he was polite to other members of your family, but you also mentioned that he doesn't speak with your family at all. Now is that even despite the language barrier? Does he not make attempts to speak with your family despite not knowing Spanish?

Reading this, it could be that he's not a fan of your family, and your acting uncomfortable is triggering him to take that as a sign you don't like him either. Obviously not saying that you intentionally came off that way. Anxiety sucks and we can't always control how our face looks or what our body language says in these situations.

Either way, whatever his problem is, remind yourself that it's on him and not you. If he doesn't like you or your family, then that's on him and it's solely his problem. If he can't be bothered to give you even a smidge of common courtesy when he's around you, maybe you should talk to your cousin about it and see if she can mention something to him. If you have the balls you could also be blunt to him as well about his behavior. That being if the rest of the family wouldn't get up in arms over it. Otherwise, I feel it's best to just turn the other cheek and ignore it.

I did sorta feel like I was an easy target for him for some reason. It felt triggering and somewhat humiliating for me. No, he is very quiet, too quiet that its a bit unsettling, despite being a somewhat quiet person myself. Most of my family members say he is quiet and does not talk. It seems he does not make an attempt to speak with our family at all unless he is spoken to. it seems he knows a few spanish phrases but my cousin tells me he is so quiet and does not speak to our family at all.. odd.. now thinking about it, he barely even talks to my cousin (wife)...he barely even helps my cousin to try and improve her English and brushes off her request to help her improve her English. Which is why my cousin tried to nearly drag me to her house one day so i can help her understand what her husband is even saying in which i declined.. I find it a very odd relationship they have.

i did remember hearing his brother saying at the wedding that supposedly my cousin help to 'mellow him' down a bit. I dont see that at all. but could that mean he could be, cold, harsh and tense person in general?

I do remember though when he was driving us to another wedding that he said a few Spanish phrases to my mom when she was speaking to my cousin. But at first, When me and my mom got into the car, he didn't say any greeting to us at all and just kept driving and half of the car drive he didn't say anything except stopping to see if we needed to use the restroom. My mom started talking to him eventually in English, he seemed to like and was okay with my mom, and talked to her quite a bit which surprised me. i was a whole different story altogether. He didn't talk to anyone at the wedding either, stay very silent, barely even talking to my cousin. Just like the car ride. except giving some greetings to some family but he seemed okay with them and not as cold compared to me. or maybe i just got the chance to see who he really is beneath that facade because for someone to treat me like that i have a feeling he is someone prone to prejudice and unfair judgements

There were some photos and videos of him my cousin posted of him looking sort of annoyed around our family and i remember i saw my little cousin who is about 8 years old giving him a bad look towards him in the photo lol, i saw one video where he was holding my cousin's niece, and he looked frustrated at her energy, looking around, pressing his lips together, and looked like he did not even want to be holding her. My cousin even asked ihim what was wrong in the video. s but then in other videos was holding her hand and walking with her niece. But he seemed very detached.

To be honest, I did keep my distance from him and tried to avoid him the next time i saw him since i still had the negative impression of him from the first time i met him, because i didn't want to experience that again if i tried to say something to him or even smile (since he took that negatively too the first time i met him when i smiled. very odd)

it didnt work out the way i wanted though because it was very hard because my cousin kept asking where i was and wanted to spend time with me. Being around her, also meant being around him and had to be around that negative energy. .. My cousin kept asking me what was wrong, i was afraid at the time to say anything due to anxiety. Though if there is a next time, i am going to say something.

Something i also remember too during the car ride too.He seemed pretty passive aggressive, sighing, etc.... My mom was asking him what did he do in terms of career, she was clarifying it over and i noticed he got little defensive and starting to say how he was a supervisor and boosting his status of his job. It turns out him and my cousin thought my mom was saying he was a garbageman, despite the fact, my mom english while is good, she is not fluent in it and misunderstandings often happen and they knew that. Yet, my cousin wanted to talk shit behind her back and tell my aunt that my mom was saying how he was a garbageman which is not true, she was just asking about the mechanics of his job. it makes me also wonder if he saw me as a threat since he seems to be a defensive and hostile person.

i think i visibly showed i was uncomfortable around him, maybe he got offended by that and proceeded to once again treat me poorly and act passive aggressive towards me. He seems like a petty person. Though it seems like he has anxiety too from his body language, maybe anxiety is making him so cold to me as well but its still no excuse to treat someone like that.