Hi Guys,
It's probably not a good idea for me to be posting using a well known handle of mine, but it becomes a royal pain to remember all of them so... but if an admin could change it I would be VERY grateful. When I look for jobs people google it and unfortunately it's part of the email address I use.
Firstly, it's great (though not very kind of me, I suppose) to know there are people suffering with the same (similar?) issues. At least I know there are people who truuuly understand what I go through each day. Thanks for being you.
My--and I hope this won’t be too lengthy--little story (please skip it all and consider it a general introduction if need be):
The first time I remember--or is it remember remembering?--having social issues was when I was very young being pushed around in a pram/stroller. Supposedly, I would growl at people looking down at me, after the usual "oh what a cute..." A little later, I remember hiding away from relatives when they would come for a visit. One particularly embarrassing occasion happened I think at 13 when I went so far as to hide under a mattress. More recently, I bailed on my cousin’s birthday party and my other cousins wedding. Didn't hug her in conrgrats. Too nervous. Yeah, I know.
Needless to say, social events did and do not happen for me. Period. My teens where spent in my room playing video games and watching TV. And that is it. I'm 28 years old. And that's where I am posting this from right now.
My parents are the somewhat stereotypical macho father and overprotective mother. They are also a very non social couple. I barely remember the last social occasion they had attended and they don't invite people over at all. My parents are not wealthy but managed to put me through a private school so I would not get picked on but don't really do the "doctor thing". Since I suspected they thought I would grow out of it. I didn't. Money or the lack of it is very important in our family so...no therapy for me.
When I (barely due to nerves) finished high school it was decided that I go study immediately and it was suggested that I do a one year condensed computer science course. I did just that and after a rather extended period received a diploma. Didn’t do all that well. I decided to go into web design after that because apparently I am creative I knew that I couldn't cope with a programming job. Call it ADD, a learning disability, lack of confidence I don't know. But I also believe it was a way for me to prevent myself from the stress of a workplace/responsibility/people and all that.
I was unemployed for 3 years. During which time I first became very religious/philosophical and thereafter depressed. In 2004 I got my first web related job and I worked there for 3 odd years. I didn't earn much and the work environment after 6 months or so felt safe. The last year I had a few disagreements with a co-worker and left in search of a higher salary and career development. I feel now I was safe there and I shouldn’t have left.
I left October 2009. Later in 2010, I started as a Front End Developer with a new company. I left 2 months later. A month after that I started with another company with a salary that was nearly double that once again. I left in the first week. My dad hasn’t talked to me for the past week. I don't feel adequate for the job. Hell, I know I'm not. So now I am looking for something far more junior with a salary a fraction of what I was earning, just so I know for sure I can deal with what gets dealt my way. I mean web designer to front end is different enough. I'm not really trained but...I'm ranting. Pressure and ... people just...I just can't handle it.
This nearly 29 year old:
Has never lived on his own.
Has never been "out on the town"
Has never had a girlfriend.
Has issues that effect career, salary and thus…independence
I have 1 friend. He visits me. I don't leave my room much. If it's to somewhere I know and I've been there recently then it's fine. Otherwise I feel anxious and try and find and “escape route”. I don’t have panic attacks. I just need to get out fast and I can’t think straight. Which effects my job and I just don’t do it well as a result. I get what almost feels to me like sleepy/laziness. I look at things and it just doesn’t make sense to me.
I tried meds the GP gave me when I went to see him about my issues. Side effect: Confusion. LOL
So in short, and I do apologies for all the blah above, I’m afraid of:
People
Answering the telephone
Going places
Driving my car (I don’t)
Faliure
Women
So there it all is out in the open. I’m not sure what anxiety that falls under. I know social anxiety/phobia is in there somewhere but. But driving my car and job issues? Never mind my lack self confidence or possible learning problems.
Can’t afford therapy. I’ve taken up casual drinking recently. *sigh* I don’t know. It all feels like a horrible cycle, one thing effecting the other.
Maybe this should be in a more appropriate forum?
Narkath (can I change this name or create a new user with the same email address?) – in his room.
It's probably not a good idea for me to be posting using a well known handle of mine, but it becomes a royal pain to remember all of them so... but if an admin could change it I would be VERY grateful. When I look for jobs people google it and unfortunately it's part of the email address I use.
Firstly, it's great (though not very kind of me, I suppose) to know there are people suffering with the same (similar?) issues. At least I know there are people who truuuly understand what I go through each day. Thanks for being you.
My--and I hope this won’t be too lengthy--little story (please skip it all and consider it a general introduction if need be):
The first time I remember--or is it remember remembering?--having social issues was when I was very young being pushed around in a pram/stroller. Supposedly, I would growl at people looking down at me, after the usual "oh what a cute..." A little later, I remember hiding away from relatives when they would come for a visit. One particularly embarrassing occasion happened I think at 13 when I went so far as to hide under a mattress. More recently, I bailed on my cousin’s birthday party and my other cousins wedding. Didn't hug her in conrgrats. Too nervous. Yeah, I know.
Needless to say, social events did and do not happen for me. Period. My teens where spent in my room playing video games and watching TV. And that is it. I'm 28 years old. And that's where I am posting this from right now.
My parents are the somewhat stereotypical macho father and overprotective mother. They are also a very non social couple. I barely remember the last social occasion they had attended and they don't invite people over at all. My parents are not wealthy but managed to put me through a private school so I would not get picked on but don't really do the "doctor thing". Since I suspected they thought I would grow out of it. I didn't. Money or the lack of it is very important in our family so...no therapy for me.
When I (barely due to nerves) finished high school it was decided that I go study immediately and it was suggested that I do a one year condensed computer science course. I did just that and after a rather extended period received a diploma. Didn’t do all that well. I decided to go into web design after that because apparently I am creative I knew that I couldn't cope with a programming job. Call it ADD, a learning disability, lack of confidence I don't know. But I also believe it was a way for me to prevent myself from the stress of a workplace/responsibility/people and all that.
I was unemployed for 3 years. During which time I first became very religious/philosophical and thereafter depressed. In 2004 I got my first web related job and I worked there for 3 odd years. I didn't earn much and the work environment after 6 months or so felt safe. The last year I had a few disagreements with a co-worker and left in search of a higher salary and career development. I feel now I was safe there and I shouldn’t have left.
I left October 2009. Later in 2010, I started as a Front End Developer with a new company. I left 2 months later. A month after that I started with another company with a salary that was nearly double that once again. I left in the first week. My dad hasn’t talked to me for the past week. I don't feel adequate for the job. Hell, I know I'm not. So now I am looking for something far more junior with a salary a fraction of what I was earning, just so I know for sure I can deal with what gets dealt my way. I mean web designer to front end is different enough. I'm not really trained but...I'm ranting. Pressure and ... people just...I just can't handle it.
This nearly 29 year old:
Has never lived on his own.
Has never been "out on the town"
Has never had a girlfriend.
Has issues that effect career, salary and thus…independence
I have 1 friend. He visits me. I don't leave my room much. If it's to somewhere I know and I've been there recently then it's fine. Otherwise I feel anxious and try and find and “escape route”. I don’t have panic attacks. I just need to get out fast and I can’t think straight. Which effects my job and I just don’t do it well as a result. I get what almost feels to me like sleepy/laziness. I look at things and it just doesn’t make sense to me.
I tried meds the GP gave me when I went to see him about my issues. Side effect: Confusion. LOL
So in short, and I do apologies for all the blah above, I’m afraid of:
People
Answering the telephone
Going places
Driving my car (I don’t)
Faliure
Women
So there it all is out in the open. I’m not sure what anxiety that falls under. I know social anxiety/phobia is in there somewhere but. But driving my car and job issues? Never mind my lack self confidence or possible learning problems.
Can’t afford therapy. I’ve taken up casual drinking recently. *sigh* I don’t know. It all feels like a horrible cycle, one thing effecting the other.
Maybe this should be in a more appropriate forum?
Narkath (can I change this name or create a new user with the same email address?) – in his room.
: I hope you thought about those decisions.(Which you did offcourse)(right ?) Why isn't your dad talking to you ? Because you left in the first week ? That's not up to him to choose what you do for a living, only you and yourself.(I know, it means the same.:
