Everlastingxxx
New member
I just found this forum and i want to go and read every thread i can that relates to my situation. But first i just want to throw my problems out there.
Just a brief history of me. I was always a shy child, i had so many issues as in not being able to use the restroom with others in the room, being in crowed places, fears of smelling bad, fear of having Aids or a deadly disease and many more to list. I have my mothers hypercondria, my dads Panic Attack and Bipolar disorders and OCDs (washing hands, constant cleaning of mouse, keyboard, ect) i am not sure where they came from. I always thought i knew what stress and panic attacks were, till this happened...
I am 32 and in the past year alot has happened. I quit my job of 8 years and started to work my own business as a graphic artist. Life is great, work at home, set your own hours and spend more time with family. Well so i thought. I started having problems going to sleep at nights and couldnt stay still. I told my wife i was feeling paniky, i knew something was different. With tons of deadlines hitting me, lots of people backstabbing me and a law suit possibly looming...i was feeling worse day by day.
The Cowboys were playing the Bucs, this day i wasnt feeling very good and soon after the game began, i felt paniky. I got up and started to feel dizzy and numb all over and pressure in my chest. I thought i was having a heart attack, i have always been sure i have a serious undiagnosed heart problem. Well i wanted to go to the emergency room, as we drow there, it was insane. I was trying to breathe right, but i was feeling extreme pressure on my chest, my hands were clinched and i couldnt move them! I couldn’t talk or move, i knew i was about to die. I tried to say my goodbyes to my family and was close to passing out. We got to the hospital and they helped me quickly. They put the mask over my face and in a few minutes, i was doing better. They ran a bunch of heart tests and sure enough, it was simply a panic attack and i had hyperventilated. I never knew you could breathe too much oxigen. This was only the beginning.
Since that day, every day is a struggle. Every day i have to deal with this. I would go back to the emergency room once again, knowing it was a panic attack! But the fear of death is so real. Being a graphic artist and having so many deadlines, i was having trouble working. I could only sit in front of the computer for a few minutes and start going into panic mode. Not good for my career. I was a guy that loved caffeine, but not anymore my heart races enough on its own. Just getting up makes it race and i now have become obssesed with putting my fingers to my neck to see how fast it is going! Sleep is difficult (why i am up in the middle of the night typing this) because i feel my heart beating and chest pains.
I feel very alone. My wife says it is all in my head and makes remarks that she is disappointed in me, saying that i have always been a strong person but with this i am not strong. And she is right, this feels like a battle i can’t fight. With all my energy going into my jobs and their deadlines, the stress of bills, relationship and kids, i have nothing left to fight with. I get advice to exercise and i try but my heart races so fast it scares me. The meds don’t help me, breathing slowing doesn’t either. One thing seems to work or at least buy me time so i can be productive...
Sleep. When i finally go to sleep (long well rested sleep) when i wake up i feel good and ready to work. But i have to take small naps during the day to make it through my work day.
I am almost always dizzy when working, i have no clue why. I feel pains in my chest, some sharp, some dull. When i push my ribs i feel a pain, like a soreness, its moving to different spots each day. I have constant twitches over my body. Numbness in my hands from time to time. My stomach makes constant noises, its odd, i dont remember it doing that all the time. I am not hungry anymore, i have to force myself to eat.
I feel like at this time in my life, anything can push me over the edge into panic mode. Like it has taken years to fill my cup and now its full and a dumb football game will force me to the emergency room. Or kids screaming can make me lose it. And the tons of deadlines are too much for me to handle. I wish i could push a RESTART button or pour my cup out and start over. I hate living like this. This is worse than anything i have ever experienced...
...and wow, for years i thought i knew something about stress and panic attacks, little did i know.
Just a brief history of me. I was always a shy child, i had so many issues as in not being able to use the restroom with others in the room, being in crowed places, fears of smelling bad, fear of having Aids or a deadly disease and many more to list. I have my mothers hypercondria, my dads Panic Attack and Bipolar disorders and OCDs (washing hands, constant cleaning of mouse, keyboard, ect) i am not sure where they came from. I always thought i knew what stress and panic attacks were, till this happened...
I am 32 and in the past year alot has happened. I quit my job of 8 years and started to work my own business as a graphic artist. Life is great, work at home, set your own hours and spend more time with family. Well so i thought. I started having problems going to sleep at nights and couldnt stay still. I told my wife i was feeling paniky, i knew something was different. With tons of deadlines hitting me, lots of people backstabbing me and a law suit possibly looming...i was feeling worse day by day.
The Cowboys were playing the Bucs, this day i wasnt feeling very good and soon after the game began, i felt paniky. I got up and started to feel dizzy and numb all over and pressure in my chest. I thought i was having a heart attack, i have always been sure i have a serious undiagnosed heart problem. Well i wanted to go to the emergency room, as we drow there, it was insane. I was trying to breathe right, but i was feeling extreme pressure on my chest, my hands were clinched and i couldnt move them! I couldn’t talk or move, i knew i was about to die. I tried to say my goodbyes to my family and was close to passing out. We got to the hospital and they helped me quickly. They put the mask over my face and in a few minutes, i was doing better. They ran a bunch of heart tests and sure enough, it was simply a panic attack and i had hyperventilated. I never knew you could breathe too much oxigen. This was only the beginning.
Since that day, every day is a struggle. Every day i have to deal with this. I would go back to the emergency room once again, knowing it was a panic attack! But the fear of death is so real. Being a graphic artist and having so many deadlines, i was having trouble working. I could only sit in front of the computer for a few minutes and start going into panic mode. Not good for my career. I was a guy that loved caffeine, but not anymore my heart races enough on its own. Just getting up makes it race and i now have become obssesed with putting my fingers to my neck to see how fast it is going! Sleep is difficult (why i am up in the middle of the night typing this) because i feel my heart beating and chest pains.
I feel very alone. My wife says it is all in my head and makes remarks that she is disappointed in me, saying that i have always been a strong person but with this i am not strong. And she is right, this feels like a battle i can’t fight. With all my energy going into my jobs and their deadlines, the stress of bills, relationship and kids, i have nothing left to fight with. I get advice to exercise and i try but my heart races so fast it scares me. The meds don’t help me, breathing slowing doesn’t either. One thing seems to work or at least buy me time so i can be productive...
Sleep. When i finally go to sleep (long well rested sleep) when i wake up i feel good and ready to work. But i have to take small naps during the day to make it through my work day.
I am almost always dizzy when working, i have no clue why. I feel pains in my chest, some sharp, some dull. When i push my ribs i feel a pain, like a soreness, its moving to different spots each day. I have constant twitches over my body. Numbness in my hands from time to time. My stomach makes constant noises, its odd, i dont remember it doing that all the time. I am not hungry anymore, i have to force myself to eat.
I feel like at this time in my life, anything can push me over the edge into panic mode. Like it has taken years to fill my cup and now its full and a dumb football game will force me to the emergency room. Or kids screaming can make me lose it. And the tons of deadlines are too much for me to handle. I wish i could push a RESTART button or pour my cup out and start over. I hate living like this. This is worse than anything i have ever experienced...
...and wow, for years i thought i knew something about stress and panic attacks, little did i know.
