Good friends with someone from school, but how can I make it go further?

[ThatOneShyKid]

Hi everyone! It's been over 2 years since I have posted here, and I still have the same problem that I did then: social anxiety. I've tried to reach out to certain people before but have always been rejected in some way. This year though, I've finally found someone that I can relate to.

I "met" him back in October when we were assigned something to do in the school library. When we were done our work, I noticed he was playing a Pokemon ROM and mentioned the new game coming out at the time, Pokemon X and Y. I still can't believe that I've started the friendship this time and it's lasted this long!

We have been talking to each other everyday since, but I want it to become more then that. I have discovered that his best friend is also shy, and he says that he himself is "trying also" to talk. He also told his friend that he knows that it can be hard to talk and start a conversation. Could this possibly mean he is shy himself? He doesn't even seem like it, but I showed my mom a picture of him and she could tell somehow that he was. Whenever he talks about something he likes though he talks a lot about it with me.

Some good stuff that has happened with us was on his birthday. I told him I was the first to post happy birthday on his Facebook wall, and that I only do that for people that I care about. He has also called me Buddy Ol Pal and Brosky just recently. Sometimes when he sees me in the hallway, it looks like he's happy to see me and we always say hi to each other. Do you think he likes me or is he just being nice? Giving me nicknames makes me think that we are good friends by now.. I hope.

But how can I make it progress further? I started the friendship, but how can I make it last, and build my way up to becoming best friends with him? Just the thought of asking him about some ways to do it makes me sad, have anxiety or want to cry because I want it to happen so bad, but I'm holding myself back. I never feel uncomfortable around him or talking with him, so why is this so hard? I also feel that he may think the same away about me, wanting to be better friends.

What do you guys all think about this? I've been dwelling on it for weeks although I'm not nervous when I'm around him and thinking about it. I just get sad because I am convinced it can never happen to a person like me. I've had social anxiety all of my life, and the great friends I've used to have I've lost touch with because I was so young and didn't think to do it. I don't want that to happen with my new friend. He makes me happy being around him and sometimes I actually get him to laugh, something that I can only do with my family. I feel blessed to have him as a friend and he even directly sent me an old Instagram picture of him last night and it made me smile after dwelling on the thoughts of all of this. Just seeing that he thought about me and the picture made me happy. So how can I make this last and become better friends, if not best friends? I'm trying to be patient but I graduate this year, and I worry that when I graduate, I'm going to lose touch with him and go insane from not being around people anymore. It's also worth noting that he and some other of his friends are in a Christian group at one of the nearby churches that I want to join to be able to hang out with him and make more friends. But I'm afraid that I won't be engaged and just sit back and let other people talk, or run out of things to say. Is it bad to feel this way? :-(

 

[MikeyC]

I don't really understand what you want. You want he and you to be best friends? What's the criteria for that? Do more stuff together?

I think you're putting too much pressure on a situation that doesn't exist. Instead of trying to make the friendship go further, just enjoy what you have right now. For now he seems to enjoy your company and, if he is a shy person, he's probably happy that he has someone to open up to. Asking him to be "best friends" might indicate that he's not doing enough, and that could be bad.

My opinion is to leave this as it is. There's no need to put any pressure on either of you. You say you want to make it last, so just keep doing whatever it is you're doing now. Keep in touch with him, be social together, and I guarantee it'll be okay.

 

[goblin]

You two have been friends for 4 months, which isn't an awful long time. I think that as long as you two stay in touch you'll naturally grow closer. There's no shortcut to knowing someone well and knowing what they're like in good times, bad times, and everything in-between.