Good Conversations

[giveme5]

How do you start and maintain good conversations??? Sometimes, i manage to start a conversation with someone and have it going relatively well. but after a while, it just start stops and i just can't think of anything else to say.
i hate those awkward silences, so i end up saying something really stupid.

i guess, this is something that is hard to teach/learn. it comes with the personality i suppose? but oh well, what the heck...give me some advice. im miserable.

 

[thugaveli]

I think as time goes on the anxiety gets worse, or the negative thoughts start to kick in after so long

Its hard to maintain the same level of confidence from start to finnish of a conversation especially if your not prepared, in most cases you wouldn't be unless you were psychic

 

[arlequin]

This is a thing I hate. It's hard to find conversation subjects and when I'm talking to somebody at first it's ok, but after a while I can't go on since nothing else comes to mind. So I try to think of things to say and I get stick. It happens when I'm with one person. If I'm with 2 people is different, I'm more relaxed cause the other 2 person can talk while I listen.

 

[pitkreet]

This is a thing I hate. It's hard to find conversation subjects and when I'm talking to somebody at first it's ok, but after a while I can't go on since nothing else comes to mind. So I try to think of things to say and I get stick. It happens when I'm with one person. If I'm with 2 people is different, I'm more relaxed cause the other 2 person can talk while I listen.

Same with me. I am much more comfortable in groups of 3 or 4 people as there is less burden on me to keep the conversation going, so I relax and just contribute when I want to. When it's just me and one other person, and am constantly anxious about what to say next.

I'm also fine at starting conversations. It's easy to come up with one or two things to say, but unless the other person is very chatty, things soon dry up. And because I started the conversation, I feel the onus is on me to then keep it going, which I can't...so it gets embarassing.

One of the pieces of advice that many "specialists" give about conversations is to ask questions of the other person, get them to talk about themselves. Whilst this does occassionally work with very talkative people, I find it often doesn't lead to a particularly natural or comfortable conversation. It can turn into a session of 20 questions and the other person starts to get fed up with the Spanish Inquisition.

The best conversations are those which come naturally, where there is a genuine common interest and you actually enjoy discussing it. If you're forcing yourself to think of things to say, it's just not gonna work.

 

[annie]

How do you start and maintain good conversations??? Sometimes, i manage to start a conversation with someone and have it going relatively well. but after a while, it just start stops and i just can't think of anything else to say.
i hate those awkward silences, so i end up saying something really stupid.

i guess, this is something that is hard to teach/learn. it comes with the personality i suppose? but oh well, what the heck...give me some advice. im miserable.

How about making a list of things that you can talk about and memorise them, so when you get stuck, just talk about one of the things on the list. I am not sure if this will help, but it is a start.

Good luck!

annie

 

[raptorl44l]

A trick you could try to use to get a conversations past those akward moments is to just ask the first relative question that comes to mind. If your eating lunch for example, and you've run out of things to say, ask about their lunch. Even if it sounds wierd and corny like "How does that food taste?" Either way it's better than nothing. You can then give your own opinion on ow that food sounds, or how it tastes to you if you've tried it. Also, don't ask yes or no questions, that won't get you nowhere.

 

[AlwaysUnknown]

I asked my therapist a similar question about how to carry on a good conversation. I found that no matter what I said, I'd always feel incredibly awkward. :\

I'll be in a chatroom, and still have the same problem. My therapist just told me to be myself. That's sort of hard for me though, because I always have the tendency of beating around the bush.

Somebody will ask me for my honest opinon, and I'll usually just sit there and say "Uhh...I couldn't say?" Usually, they'll just give me a weird look and start talking about something else.

I also, found that most of my friends never stop talking, and if I'm stuck and I don't know what to say, they won't be offended, because they would have started talking about something totally different by then.

I wouldn't be to stressed out about it. What I tend to do, is start talking about a common subject that mostly everybody knows about. For example, video games, movies or music and PRAY that they don't start talking about cars.

 

[Falling]

today happened a very weird thing to me.

i met my friend that we usually talk on phone for about 4 hours... when we were out i couldnt find a subject to talk on... and it's really weird cuz when we are on the phone i cant stop talking! maybe because we were in a resturant and there were poeple or maybe because of eye contact... i really dont know!

 

[LeapFrog]

I am generally horrible at conversation. And when I do conversation, it usually ends sort of awkwardly (I've found that long silences kill conversations). It's sort of frustrating too, tho, because sometimes I have something in my head that I want to say, but I have a hard time wording it properly, and sometimes people just bore me, so it gets quite tedious to maintain that conversation. One tip that I picked up is -- as basic as it may sound to some of you -- to plan each sentence in your head before you say it, keeping in mind what you're going to say in the next sentence, then say the first sentence, then word the second one properly, etc... If you understand it, I hope it helps you, because it has been helping me a bit (When I have things to say, that is).

 

[Falling]

One tip that I picked up is -- as basic as it may sound to some of you -- to plan each sentence in your head before you say it, keeping in mind what you're going to say in the next sentence, then say the first sentence, then word the second one properly, etc... If you understand it, I hope it helps you, because it has been helping me a bit (When I have things to say, that is).

the problem is when you dont have a subject to make the sentence on :?

 

[LeapFrog]

Yeah, that could be a bit of a problem... Well, my advice only applies when you have a subject. Finding a subject, however, tends to be quite difficult for me >.<;

 

[black_mamba]

I'm the queen of a lack of things to say pretty much. How do people do it

Same here moog, I think I've now gotten enough courage to talk to people, yet I still find it very difficult thinking up comments or topics to talk about. 8O Bizarre.

 

[kiwi]

I always find it hard to think of things to say, I don't know how other people do it. Even on subjects I'm interested in I struggle, yet other people seem to be able to rattle on about the most mundane subjects.

I think this lack of conversational skill is the key to my SA. If I was just able to talk to people more then I wouldn't be so bored at social events and my life might actually be normal!

 

[bitingthepea]

heyy
i no exactly what u mean
th thing that gets me down is listenin to other peoples converstaions and realsing how easy it is ! but when i come to havin a convo i just cant do it =[
i jus pick up basic tips like read the news, papers and listen out for interetsing storys

 

[TAMPA-BAY]

things to say

Here is a diffrent angle on this topic everyone. End the conversation

Studies on this topic shows too many conversations go way past their usefulness and its true. I notice that my personal obsevation and expeirnments has proven that some times the the conversation should just be terminated.

Let it die a swift death. Go start a new topic else where. Just my oponion.

 

[ripewithdecay]

Re: things to say

Here is a diffrent angle on this topic everyone. End the conversation

Studies on this topic shows too many conversations go way past their usefulness and its true. I notice that my personal obsevation and expeirnments has proven that some times the the conversation should just be terminated.

Let it die a swift death. Go start a new topic else where. Just my oponion.

Yep, I agree.
Awkward silences don't exist, it's all in your head. Suck it up and move on, stop yourself when you start trying to overcompensate with nervous chatter when that silence comes up. The convo is over, move on the other person has also run out of things to say, but he/she has no doubt already moved on themselves. So don't worry about them, either. It's all good.

 

[lettypagb]

i dont even know how to start , i could just say something and the person would say something back ,and i feel embarassing to keep goin ,,sometimes ,i just repeat what someone next to me said ,is really weird,but it helps.

 

[redpine17]

yeab

this is the same with me i run out of things to say