go to a club or party by yourself with no social proof ?

[no1]

How can one do this?

 

[JonnyD]

i don't think i would be able too, i think there are just shallow people there...

maybe its just my SA talking louder ... again

 

[ameo]

i don't think i would be able too, i think there are just shallow people there...

maybe its just my SA talking louder ... again

I think you would be partying too, if you didn't have SA. For a long time I justified my lameness by claiming other people to be shallow, and therefore I didn't want to spend time with them.
But if I thought about it honestly, I had to admit that there are good people who are participating in these events, and it's only my pussyness that kept me home.

 

[RedRibbons]

I don't know. If it's just me I will RARELY RARELY RARELY................. did I mention RARELY.. Go on my own. There was one time I went to a party by myself - and that's ONLY because I knew there would be some people I knew there. I don't feel comfortable going to parties/clubs alone - I'm not even really interested in going to those places anyway.

Hmm.. People who party aren't necessarily shallow.. Maybe to divert your attention on what people are... You need to think about whether or not partying is something that you want to do... hmm? If not then it shouldn't matter what type of people are there.. If so, then you need to be a little more open to the types of people that do party.

 

[JonnyD]

i realise that i'm the one judging people too soon... i know there are nice people who likes parting... it's more likely a excuse to refuse invites (long time), or not to go on my own...
i excused too much so i actually think about it everytime i think about night clubs or parties...

i'm sorry about diverting from the point, heres my personal and rational opinion:
i *think* its perfectly natural , but going with friends is even better ... =)
but when it comes to effectivelly going - well i feel embarassed and come up with excuses like that.

 

[no1]

I don't know. If it's just me I will RARELY RARELY RARELY................. did I mention RARELY.. Go on my own. There was one time I went to a party by myself - and that's ONLY because I knew there would be some people I knew there. I don't feel comfortable going to parties/clubs alone - I'm not even really interested in going to those places anyway.

Hmm.. People who party aren't necessarily shallow.. Maybe to divert your attention on what people are... You need to think about whether or not partying is something that you want to do... hmm? If not then it shouldn't matter what type of people are there.. If so, then you need to be a little more open to the types of people that do party.

Some people can do it, ie go alone. I don't know if I could. I have gone out before by myself, and it made things worse... I take risks and talk to people, but still nothing. You can't just talk, you have to have a reason to talk. I dont know I just feel like if I would go I might be revealing a whole lot of myself and I will just make myself vulnerable. I can't just share myself.. I'm... path-etic.... Not that I think I am but... most won't even have the time to stay and see the real me. People rely too much on first impressions. I am always tired, always something. People just think I am making excuses but I'm not. I AM always tired and nothing could be done about it thus far and I have tried just about everything to fix my sleeping problems.. I am still doing my best.

 

[RedRibbons]

You're not pathetic. Being vulnerable is a scary thing - and most people don't allow themselves to be even a little vulnerable until they can somewhat trust whoever they are talking to. I guess that's what small talk is for - you can learn to feel someone out - see what kind of person they are. I don't know if you would really want to be open and vulnerable at a large party - unless you found someone that you just clicked with.

If it's not having something to say that is making you fearful - well you can build a repetoire of things to talk about. What helps is if you ask people questions, it might give you a better sense of control over the situation as well as less pressure. There are listeners and talkers.. It might just be that you are more of a listener than a talker. Listening helps you to learn more and share less. I think that's a good combo for you (at least until you get more comfortable).. Since you are nervous to share things about you and you need to know what someone is about before you can be more open with them.

 

[JonnyD]

can relate about having to have somithing to talk about.
i can't just ask things or keep a conversation rollin, today a guy made a funny comment about a banner and i just laughted and answered a thing he laughted back an made another joke, i just laughted , i coulndt keep talking - it's like a stage fright everytime someone talk to me i cant keep the conversation, i have ever managed to star t conversations which i couldn't keep =(

 

[PhantomPod]

Yeah, it is a very hard thing to do, to go to a club or party by yourself. I am very rarely ballsy enough to do it. Tonight my co-workers were going out, just to a bar/restaurant to hang. I just couldn't do it. I know them (not very well), but I couldn't do it because I would have to go and meet them there. And I got out of work a little later than most of them, so I would have had to walk into the place by myself and sort of look around for where they were. Then once I get there I wouldn't speak until spoken to and would have absolutely nothing to add to the conversation.

So I played it safe and I went home after work. I didn't even regret it all that much really, because there were a lot of great TV programs on tonight that I didn't want to miss.

 

[sde]

A "club" means a place that has really loud music for dancing or with a live band, so no one can hear each other talk, right? So if you want to go to a club alone to hear a band or dance, why not? No one is going to know that you came there alone, right? (I'm putting this all as questions because I don't know. I've never been in a club, because they're too loud for me even from the outside. This is Seattle though, maybe in other places a "club" means something different.)

What kind of party can you go to without knowing anyone there or getting invited? Sometimes I see a party in the neighborhood that seems to have people 21 (drinking age here) and younger (illegally drinking) that I could try to crash, if I weren't 42 and if I liked drinking and loud music and didn't have SA. Any other kind of party is not that loud and obvious, so you're not going to know about it unless you're invited.

 

[weak]

For a long time I justified my lameness by claiming other people to be shallow, and therefore I didn't want to spend time with them.
But if I thought about it honestly, I had to admit that there are good people who are participating in these events, and it's only my pussyness that kept me home.

I see what you're saying, but asking complete strangers to dance and not letting flat-out rejection phase you is a lot easier said than done, even for people without SA.

 

[no1]

yeah the cold approach has always messed with me.I'm not a 'pick up' artist nor do I have what it takes right now to be one. I don't even understand clubs much these days. I don't like the music usually and the music I probably would like (which is I think more decent) is not too liked by people my age I guess. Also I'm not too much with the crowd of sexually promiscuous and wild and crazy to the point of irresponsibility (they might not know it).. I'm afraid of being judged. I just feel so different.

Why am I going to a club with music that is so loud you can't even speak to someone let alone build some kind "relationship" with the girl I have just met? Clubs/parties are supposed to be a 'social' thing the atmospheres are usually not even too appropriate for the right kind of social activity. Unless of course it's considered "special" for a specific kind of social activity but there needs to be more variety these days anyway so I can finally find a 'crowd' I cna fit in with. I'm so nihilistic...