Give up before I even try.

[redski]

I often feel a battle within me.
My assumption is that it is my insecurities talking.

I feel that I give up before I even try because the inner battle of
"I know I can if I try..." vs. "No way this is hard and your going to fail...".
This battle is exhausting sometimes and when under stress, anxiety
kicks in and it is easier to give up then to sit there anxious.

This also varies with my mood. Sometimes I can get through it
and sometimes I cannot.

Do others feel this way?

PS: I think this goes in this forum.

 

[iamthenra]

All the time... Self defeating talk...I am defeated before I even try. I do know that feeling all too well.

"why try, she won't like you." , "You're too ugly, she will laugh at you....", "you're too old and inexperienced, she will see through you..." Been there, done that....

 

[Tiercel]

I always have inner struggles, and too often I lose out to my fears, anxieties, and thoughts. I haven't had an actual job since 2004, and I only lasted one day at that one. And before anyone asks how I live like this, the simple answer is that I really don't. My teens were a psychiatric mess, and my twenties have basically been a waste of time and precious life.

I've come to accept my failures, and at least now I can laugh at myself. Although I'm not a functioning member of society, at least it's something.

 

[Harleyq]

When I took my diagnostics to see a therapist, I came out pretty stable except for the fact that I had an "unusually high level of negative thinking" so I definitely have internal battles of "you'll get through this" and "f-ck it, why even bother?" and you can guess which one wins most of the time.

I've been working on and getting better at changing that, though. I have to keep telling myself that it's not fair to lock myself up before I've even given myself a chance to fail.

 

[divethruhaze]

Edited post
=========

 

[redski]

When I took my diagnostics to see a therapist, I came out pretty stable except for the fact that I had an "unusually high level of negative thinking"...

How can one go about changing this? I have a CBT book which I am draft
reading right now to get the idea of it before I read it properly and try to
implement its techniques.

I understand from the book it's all about changing the way one thinks.
Changing ones mindset.

Harleyq: What kind of advice does your therapist give you on this
matter? I do not go to therapy myself.

 

[Harleyq]

I haven't seen a therapist regularly for about a year now but when I did go,a lot of it was about taking situations one at a time. Idk about everyone else here, but I have a tendency to lump every social situation as one big mess where everybody thinks the same and all the outcomes of my actions will the same. And then that would completely overwhelm me. I had to learn not to take on more than I could mentally handle.

For example, when I started eating alone in my college campus's cafeteria, I had to break the situation down. Instead of automatically thinking "Everyone's going to stare at me and laugh or think I'm lonely and feel sorry for me", I think of it realistically. And realistically:
1. Any time I've witnessed someone eating alone, I never thought they were lonely or an outcast, so chances are, not many other people do, either.
2. Most people only pay attention to the people they're with when they go out to eat so they probably won't even notice me.
3. Lots of students eat alone, because of weird class schedules.
4. At work, I've waited on plenty of single-occupant tables and they seemed perfectly content - there was nothing for them to be afraid of, so there is nothing for me to be afraid of.
5. Many of the lone eaters I've seen were attractive people who looked popular, NOT like the outcast I fear people will see me as. Ergo, outcasts aren't the only ones who eat alone, sometimes

Now, this kind of thinking ^^^^ didn't completely resolve my anxiety of being seen eating by myself, but it did give me enough courage to walk to the cafeteria and try it, which I never would've done otherwise. Then once I tried it and got past the initial nervousness, I realized it wasn't so bad which led to realization #6:

I did it, I survived it, and everything was and still is ok

It was all about acknowledging that my negative fears are irrational, and then replacing those irrational thoughts with postive rational thoughts.

And repetition helps...it's one of those things where if you say it enough, you begin to believe it, so I was encouraged to stop myself when I started thinking "I can't do this" and replace it with "there's nothing that makes me less than anyone else. If they can do it, I can, too" - granted it's really difficult to say this constantly and in the back of your mind think "It'll never work" but it's true - once you do it enough, it starts to stick a little. At least enough to get you to make efforts in the right direction, even if you aren't sure it'll reap a good outcome.