Sharp metal to porous flesh:
like key to lock
of no man’s land,
where war discharges
from closed trenches
to open air;
to conquer victoriously
or die from -
honorably?
***
Given the second part, I felt that the war imagery (as in actual war) is stronger. That, or I'm thick. Hmmm... Your poem is very inspiring. Write an actual war poem of sorts, one medievial and one modern.
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(Modern)
Sharp metal and porous flesh
Charred bodies and a rain of ash
A hail of lead and a frightful dread
It's bloody wet and not one but scared
War discharges from closed trenches
Deaths in numbers and senseless charges
A hail of lead and dominoes toppling
It's bloody wet and fleshes in raining
No man's land and it's open air
No one stands but who to care
War is honour and virtue and dare?
Nay nay, this is but terror's lair
The world's at war
What are we fighting for?
And souls at war
Within which, a fatal flaw
***
(Medieval/Fantasy)
White knight on white charger
Black night in black winter
Undead horrors and demon rider
A mighty horde inching closer
A grinning horde sweeping closer
A shining sword sweeps out in answer
Severed heads and crimson shower
Still lone figure in brilliant armor
Flights of terror swooping near
A brilliant charge on faithful charger
Trampled wings and they promptly cower
And flew and fled and to return never
So blinding figure in blinding armor
Faced a shrouded fear, this demon rider
"Thou art valorous but this is not over"
"Then come ye forth if indeed thou desire"
"This not the time but one day for sure"
"Then till that day, this palaver is over"
Swords saluting and mounts retreating
And out of the marshes a figure emerging
Ichor-stained sword and splattered armor
Detracted not from his shimmering splendor
The townsfolk cheered on seeing the warrior
A small nod and he paused to muster
And whirled and left in a silver blur
For where there's evil he's there in answer
Now and forever... white knight on white charger
http://www.coolstuffinc.com/images/Products/mtg art/Alpha/White Knight.jpg (part of the inspiration)
***