destructo spin
Member
I just got back from my therapy session. The session was pretty negative. Just a lot of conflicting views and ideas.
It seemed like she might have been a little frustrated and maybe a little disgusted with me. Or it could just be me. I was only bringing out how I really feel
and the how im really doing. I feel its better to show how I am really doing than lie and let her have a false assessment of where im at.
She kept saying I needed to commit to overcoming my SP. She said "When are you going to hit that point when you say 'I’ve had
enough, I'm not going to live like this anymore'". Basically that I hadnt hit my low yet. I told her that what ive learned is
that no matter how low I get, I find that I can always get lower. I'm not really sure that there is a bottom.
She said I hadn’t reached that point where I was committed to do anything that’s necessary to change. I decided way back
in my early teens that I didnt want to live like this. Im now 25. I thought I was committed. She said that I
didnt believe that I could change. Said that everything can be changed through the way I think. I said that maybe there are processes
and mechanisms in my brain that are just faulty and cant be changed no matter how I think. She said that if I keep thinking that way then I wont change.
Its like shes saying that things arent bad enough for me to fully committed to change. I feel like in my efforts to think positive and change I hit my limits- mentally and emotionally,
and that my efforts are not enough to overcome the negative symptoms of my SP, no matter how committed I am, no matter how much willpower I have.
It feels like there are natural mechanisms in my brain that are faulty that cause painful negative feelings and mental states in social situations,
and that the influence of the positive thoughts I use to counter are not strong enough to overcome the negative effect of those negative feelings and mental
states.
The thing that makes me most frustrated is that when I tried to portray how painful social interaction is for me, especially when I have to talk in front of people, and gave her
detailed descriptions of instances where that was so- she told me that she wanted me to put intentionally put myself in those situations as much as
possible. She doesn't know how painful it is for me. She kept saying how she has anxiety in situations and then overcomes it after being in the situation for a bit. Not so with me, its the
same BS the whole time for me. I told her that certain instances are like taking an ice cold shower for a bit. She told me that if I didnt do anything and just sat at home like it do, then
my entire life will be like a cold shower. I've been putting myself through painful social interaction since kindergarten, which is when I first remember the social anxiety. This exposure
hasn't caused me to be any more comfortable or have any more social skills. Its been this way since I can remember, and I dont know what is going to change. My psychologist just says that
I need to think that I will change and counter negative thoughts and feelings with opposite positive thoughts, and that is how I am going to change myself and my life. That is part of it
but I think there is more to the problem than that. I said that there is so little we know about why I am the way I am, how do I know that your method is going to work. 'Your just going to
to have to decide for yourself if you want to follow what I say'. I feel so lost.
Ive been in therapy for almost a year and I dont feel like ive made much change in my SP. I feel like ive learned to deal with
the anxiety and maybe have less, but ive discovered that the majority of my problem is the intense social discomfort,
extreme self consciousness, and a tormenting stream of subconscious negative thoughts and feelings about what
other people are thinking and feeling towards me or about me. I feel like no matter how hard I try, my brain
cant process things right and come up with opinions, ideas, things to say. Most of the time I just respond by
saying things like 'yeah thats cool', 'thats awesome', 'oh yeah', and just 'yeah'.I'm tired of being like this. I just wish there
were some definite answers.
Sorry for the interminable rant. This is my first post on a forum. Ive been to self conscious to post anything before. I felt that I just had to let out my frustrations to someone other than
my Mom.
It seemed like she might have been a little frustrated and maybe a little disgusted with me. Or it could just be me. I was only bringing out how I really feel
and the how im really doing. I feel its better to show how I am really doing than lie and let her have a false assessment of where im at.
She kept saying I needed to commit to overcoming my SP. She said "When are you going to hit that point when you say 'I’ve had
enough, I'm not going to live like this anymore'". Basically that I hadnt hit my low yet. I told her that what ive learned is
that no matter how low I get, I find that I can always get lower. I'm not really sure that there is a bottom.
She said I hadn’t reached that point where I was committed to do anything that’s necessary to change. I decided way back
in my early teens that I didnt want to live like this. Im now 25. I thought I was committed. She said that I
didnt believe that I could change. Said that everything can be changed through the way I think. I said that maybe there are processes
and mechanisms in my brain that are just faulty and cant be changed no matter how I think. She said that if I keep thinking that way then I wont change.
Its like shes saying that things arent bad enough for me to fully committed to change. I feel like in my efforts to think positive and change I hit my limits- mentally and emotionally,
and that my efforts are not enough to overcome the negative symptoms of my SP, no matter how committed I am, no matter how much willpower I have.
It feels like there are natural mechanisms in my brain that are faulty that cause painful negative feelings and mental states in social situations,
and that the influence of the positive thoughts I use to counter are not strong enough to overcome the negative effect of those negative feelings and mental
states.
The thing that makes me most frustrated is that when I tried to portray how painful social interaction is for me, especially when I have to talk in front of people, and gave her
detailed descriptions of instances where that was so- she told me that she wanted me to put intentionally put myself in those situations as much as
possible. She doesn't know how painful it is for me. She kept saying how she has anxiety in situations and then overcomes it after being in the situation for a bit. Not so with me, its the
same BS the whole time for me. I told her that certain instances are like taking an ice cold shower for a bit. She told me that if I didnt do anything and just sat at home like it do, then
my entire life will be like a cold shower. I've been putting myself through painful social interaction since kindergarten, which is when I first remember the social anxiety. This exposure
hasn't caused me to be any more comfortable or have any more social skills. Its been this way since I can remember, and I dont know what is going to change. My psychologist just says that
I need to think that I will change and counter negative thoughts and feelings with opposite positive thoughts, and that is how I am going to change myself and my life. That is part of it
but I think there is more to the problem than that. I said that there is so little we know about why I am the way I am, how do I know that your method is going to work. 'Your just going to
to have to decide for yourself if you want to follow what I say'. I feel so lost.
Ive been in therapy for almost a year and I dont feel like ive made much change in my SP. I feel like ive learned to deal with
the anxiety and maybe have less, but ive discovered that the majority of my problem is the intense social discomfort,
extreme self consciousness, and a tormenting stream of subconscious negative thoughts and feelings about what
other people are thinking and feeling towards me or about me. I feel like no matter how hard I try, my brain
cant process things right and come up with opinions, ideas, things to say. Most of the time I just respond by
saying things like 'yeah thats cool', 'thats awesome', 'oh yeah', and just 'yeah'.I'm tired of being like this. I just wish there
were some definite answers.
Sorry for the interminable rant. This is my first post on a forum. Ive been to self conscious to post anything before. I felt that I just had to let out my frustrations to someone other than
my Mom.
, I hope you will be making more you seem to express how you think and feel in writing really well. It's good to get peoples veiws and advice they use to take to do the social steps they do, even if it's the process they had to take to make a post awareness can help the unknown.
