Frustrated and mad at myself

[Helyna]

So my brother came over today. He's in college, and he still lives in town, but he moved to an apartment two years ago and I don't see him often. It seems like practically every time he comes over, I'm grumpy and don't want to talk or listen to anyone else talk. I try to get in my room alone and get annoyed if anyone comes in to say anything. Then, I get in trouble because we hardly ever see him and my mom says I make him not want to come home. And, of course, I'm in a bad mood by then, and I don't want to hear her, so I get in more trouble.

My brother and I used to be really close, and I think I feel pressured to make the most of the times we have together, so, in some sort of evil response, I make them terrible. It's so frustrating! I kind of feel like I'd rather never see him than have this. Like he should either be all here or all not. And I know how terrible that sounds!

It doesn't help that he seems to have a knack for coming on bad days. Today, I was worried because we're going out of the country for a month. Yeah, I know I should be delighted, because we're going to France, but it's not a holiday. It's business for my dad, and I'm going to be stuck in a hotel with only my mom and another mother with two crazy kids several years younger than I am for company. I have no friends there. I hate not having friends around. Parents get tiring fast. I'm worried I'm going to be stuck getting more and more depressed, like I did last year. I haven't felt as bad as I do now in months. I don't want to go back to that state.

Also, the flights are looming... Last year, we had a flight canceled, and it's a nightmare to get that fixed. I'm so worried something will go wrong... Besides, everything I hear says that the airlines are getting steadily worse...

And then, my parents have one more thing to annoy me about, because I won't see my brother for a month and I'm not enjoying his company.

Sorry I ranted about two things at once, but I am frustrated. I'm mad at myself for not appreciating what I have, and I know I'll make a lot of you mad, too. I've been looking forwards to going to France all year. I should enjoy it (and having my brother visit, too), but I just can't.

I hesitate to post this because I sound so ungrateful, but I have to rant to someone...

 

[Masquerade23]

I understand what you mean about feeling like you're being ungrateful because I often complain about how i feel my life sucks...though I'm just complaining to myself. But then I feel guilty because I know there are those less fortunate than me who dont have houses or food. The truth is, though we still have a reason to complain. We have something that holds us back from being a sociable person. Which means something holds us back from being happy. If we're not happy, then we can complain. And thats that!

Anyhow sorry to hear about your issues with your brother. I want you to understand that sometimes when a person moves away, you can feel less comfortable with them. Not all of the time, though but just saying. My brother and I are still tight but we probaly can never be as close as we were before he moved away. Time can change a lot of relationships but you should never give up on them because family is one of the most important things in life. I wish you luck on your trip and I hope you can have a good time as well!

 

[recluse]

I am the same with my sister. Whenever she phones and my mother tells her ''I'll let you talk to your brother'' i feel annoyed, not because i don't love my sister but i just have no clue what to talk about. It's the same when she comes down on some Sundays, i just feel like hiding in my room. The same goes with my grandmother, although i see her twice a week i feel uncomfortable and guilty for being depressed and i just don't know what to talk about.

 

[Chod77]

I feel your frustration. I am the same with all of my family members, especially my extended family. I try to be friendly but it's hard when all you want to do is be in your room alone. My sister has recently moved out and she always says "I never see you. When I do come over your always in your room....etc." I can also feel your frustration about taking trips with your family. Actually I just came back from a trip to see my grandfather. It was hell. There was no where to escape to and all my family members made my feel uncomfortable.

Also, I think it's a good thing to vent on this web site. It can be cathartic for some. So vent and rant away.

 

[proudmummy]

Yeah I'm the same with family members. All my family is confident, great social lives etc and I just can't be bothered with them. They're all loud in and in your face and I'm quiet, unsocialable and may seem grumpy. I always moan too and I can't help it, its just where I'm so unhappy. I can't take compliments either so people probably find that weird. I think I darken the mood, my family are mostly always happy and they try to speak to me and I say stuff like, "Oh I'm just so tired. Really want to sleep..." whilst they're rambling on about their wonderful lives like, "yes I went clubbing on the weekend with 20 of my friends, it was so great!".

ITS LIKE - SHUT UP!

My auntie says she was like the way I am now....I didnt even have to say anything about SP to her I guess she just picked up that I'm the same. She turned to me and said, "I remember being like you. I met the greatest friend and my life turned around". She is a little bit nervous but definetely no where near how nervous I am, she always looks great, knows what to say, quite outgoing... I hope I pass this rubbish too.