Freaking Scocial Situations!!

[noblame4]

Hey all! I'm pretty new to the forum (Im happy to have found it!) actually, ive been lurking for a while, and now i feel the need to gripe about something~ small talk.

Ugh, it's the worst! I suck at it! Im taking a class to get my NA1 licence renued, the room is small and the class is full, so I have to sit at a table with three other girls my age. At first i was glad, because my only two friends moved away a couple of weeks ago, and i was hoping maybe i could make some new ones, (yea, right.) But im so bad at talking to people! Everytime someone talks to me, my mind goes blank, and i cant think of anything to say! The first few days, they'd try and chat with me, and it'd go like this, "Whew! Cold today, isnt it?! I'm freezing!" "...Yea. It is cold." "Today at work, I had eleven trays of sandwiches to make in two hours, i'm beat!" "...Im sorry." and so on, untill now they all talk amongst themselves, around me, and they only talk to me when they need to borrow something. I know perfectly well i could chime in at any time, but I've got nothing to chime in with! My job is boring, I've got no kids, and the only boyfriend i had was right out of highschool, three years ago (this topic is beyond passe.) Now everyone in the class has broken up into groups that hang out with each other during breaks, and i have to go smoke in my car alone, agh! I've been in this situation more times than i care to remember, but it still depresses the hell out of me.

So, any suggestions? Gripes, anyone?

 

[mustang]

Medication, Therapy and Exposure.
Those are the three things that helped me most.

Good Luck.

 

[noblame4]

I've had therepy (which did help. at least now i can manage to make myself go), and im SUPPOSED to be on paxil, but i had to go off it because my insurance dropped me. ($100 for thirty pills?! come on!!)

 

[slicenrice]

you might not want to do this, because it is a class, but what helps me sometimes in stressful social situations (like at work), is weed. when i want to be more relaxed, if i smoke just a bit and have a nice buzz going, i am usually more laid back and natural, and i can carry myself better. i hate to endorse marijuana, but it is just a suggestion.

 

[Lewis]

I hope this doesn't sound bad but I found your post so comforting to read....just because I related so much....WHAT THE HELL IS THIS THING!?!....I'm exactly the same....I just sit there, I have no clue what to say....I go home for lunch and in my breaks I walk round the corner to this park bench....God knows what people must think of me.....

but when I'm in a room of people, and they're chatting, I just can't seem to get past that "feeling"....the "feeling" like how can people just happily talk about all these topics? aren't they feeling what I'm feeling? Don't they feel this fear and fatigue and depression like me?...I feel like I'm being dishonest on the rare occasions that I do contribute, like I'm hiding my true feelings.....but my true feelings are way too heavy for this situation....I'd just bum people out.

argh!....there's only one guy at my work who I actually can talk to with ease, and he's a slightly mentally handicapped bloke...a little visibily slower than the rest.....and yet we both get on well, I think cause we both see something in each other....that feeling of being left out....I think I've always gotten on better with minorities.

anywayz, as for solutions....right now I wish there were easy answers....I wish I could wallow in self pity....or that the perfect job and the perfect people would roll up and save me and love me and all would be rosy......but reality, the pain in the arse that it is, always comes back to mind....so I guess we gotta keep trying, and hoping.....and also, I think focusing on positives helps too.....like when I'm around people I have a weakness in socialising....but when I'm alone I have strength in my love of learning and art...I love to read books and make art....so I look forward to these times and just try to make the most out of all my situations.

 

[noblame4]

I know what you're saying. Anytime i know im going to have to be in a scocial situation, i get a little drunk there, or beforehand. It really does make it easier to be myself. (and oddly enouph, people seem to like me better when im being myself) But i CANT get drunk to go to school, with nurses, they'd bust me. And pott makes me paranoid. of bumping my head on something. (my reaction to weed. one of the greater dissopointments in my life. haha)

 

[princess_haru]

Noblame and Lewis - your posts could've been me writing! I've felt like this as far back as I can remember. That uncomfortable feeling when I'm alone in a crowd, watching everyone around me socialising happily and being too afraid to join in. That ugly little pause when someone says something to me and my mind blanks out while I rack it for a reply. It's like ...gotta think of an interesting, funny reply...no not that, that'll sound stupid...ugh not that either, it'll come out wrong...ok gotta say SOMETHING soon!! *insert pointless, silly remark here* ...shit, why did I have to say THAT?!! :roll:

like when I'm around people I have a weakness in socialising....but when I'm alone I have strength in my love of learning and art...I love to read books and make art....so I look forward to these times and just try to make the most out of all my situations.

I'm the same. Socialising is not my strength (at least not without the help of a few vodkas, lol) but reading and pottering about doing creative stuff are the things which breathe life into me and make the world seem beautiful again.

 

[noblame4]

Lewis and Haru, You guys make me feel better! It's nice to hear from people who understand. (Huh. Real-life Boo Radelys, unite!)

I like to draw and read a lot, at least the lack of a social life affords me plenty of time to do these things.

Plus i take solace in knowing that I AM a basically nice person, and I'm funny (well i lauph.), and i know stuff, (from reading so much) and that if someone DID make a friend out of me, i would make a good one. I think that's the same with most of the people on here.

 

[dpr]

Hey all! I'm pretty new to the forum (Im happy to have found it!) actually, ive been lurking for a while, and now i feel the need to gripe about something~ small talk.

Ugh, it's the worst! I suck at it! Im taking a class to get my NA1 licence renued, the room is small and the class is full, so I have to sit at a table with three other girls my age. At first i was glad, because my only two friends moved away a couple of weeks ago, and i was hoping maybe i could make some new ones, (yea, right.) But im so bad at talking to people! Everytime someone talks to me, my mind goes blank, and i cant think of anything to say! The first few days, they'd try and chat with me, and it'd go like this, "Whew! Cold today, isnt it?! I'm freezing!" "...Yea. It is cold." "Today at work, I had eleven trays of sandwiches to make in two hours, i'm beat!" "...Im sorry." and so on, untill now they all talk amongst themselves, around me, and they only talk to me when they need to borrow something. I know perfectly well i could chime in at any time, but I've got nothing to chime in with! My job is boring, I've got no kids, and the only boyfriend i had was right out of highschool, three years ago (this topic is beyond passe.) Now everyone in the class has broken up into groups that hang out with each other during breaks, and i have to go smoke in my car alone, agh! I've been in this situation more times than i care to remember, but it still depresses the hell out of me.

So, any suggestions? Gripes, anyone?

Yeah small talk is weird. I feel ridiculous responding to it like when people say "Hi how are you," and you feel the need to be like "I'm good, and you?" even when you both could care less about each other.

I used to hate talking about the weather and stupid shit like that, but I've come to accept it a little more I guess and cut people some slack, cuz like if they don't know you at all then what else are they going to talk about right?

I don't know if this will help you, probably not, but I've found that it's best for me to just lay back and not say anything when I have nothing to say, and just not put any pressure on myself to come up with anything. I just stay quiet and listen until someone brings up a topic I can add to. Kind of hard though if it's not a group conversation.

I guess you could always just bring up whatever you want to talk about. Like if you like talking politics, just be like "Did you hear that... blablabla"

Or you could just interject with non-groundbreaking conversation like "This class is boring" or "So what are you guys doing later?" I do that sometimes. It's still mundane as hell, but I sometimes feel better saying something pointless than just saying nothing at all. It makes me feel more "in control" if that makes sense.