Forcing your company on others AKA asking people to hang out

[¯\(º_o)/¯]

Do you have a problem asking people to hang out or go do things?

I love being around people, and doing different thing and hanging out.

The problem is, I dont like asking people to spend time with me. alot of my passed relationships/friendships have taught me to believe that people dont like me around(weather its true or not idk)

I used to have a group of friends in high school that would try and hide from me. but as single people they would stick around me. i used to try and hang out with my older brother but he would never let me, older sister pretended i wasnt related, and there are many more instances as well, all threw my life its been the same. Most of the time people made me feel like i was bothering them while i was around

So now, i have a really hard time asking people if they wanna do things, i feel that if somebody wants to do stuff with me they will ask, and thats how its always been, but now its putting a strain on my social life, now trying to make new friends its very hard, because i dont dare ask them to hang out, its even worse with girls

I know its mainly in my head, a learned bad habit, but the feelings are very strong and my biggest issue with dealing with my SA

Anybody else have a problem with this? anybody know how to get over these bad habits

 

[Dex Dorrey]

absolutely....i feel like unless i have something to do to invite someone to, or at very least a suggestion of something we could do it would just be weird if i asked someone to hang out....and since i never do anything i just dont bother because i would feel like i would just be kinda inviting myself or as you say forcing my company on others.....so i guess i just say if they want to hang out with me they'll call me....

i do sometimes wonder if it would be easier if we could hang out at my house, but my brother is ALWAYS home and he takes up the whole basement and my mom is ALWAYS home and theres just not much room at my house so i'm always just kinda confined to my tiny little room...and holy **** im realizing how much my grammar needs improiving

 

[Invisibleman]

Ive had this problem my whole life. i have the same view that if they dont ask me to come then they dont want me to. My current group of "friends" never ask me to do anything. Ive literally hung out with them 3 times in the past 7 months and I had to ask if I could come

And I doubt il ever be associated with one of the female variety in my life but id imagine it would be the same way,id be all nervous to ask to hang out with her thinking im forcing my company on her.

 

[ERose]

Yes, I have this constantly. I feel like I'm constantly bugging people, being clingy, I'm forever apologising.
I've learnt that this is me, small things aren't going to matter, just say what you feel, ask what you want and it'll turn out for the best.

It's hard to avoid the anxiety though, sometimes I think it's best for me just to leave it, think things over and then speak, ask, type, etc..

I always plan things out before I say it if it's important.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

I never do feel like I can suggest to do something. A lot has to do with my not having a car, so it can be tricky. I don't like to take the bus too late for example, and I wouldn't want to inconvenience them into giving me a ride. It can be awkward. So I avoid it. There are loads of things I want to do, and I am willing to. And if someone were to invite me somewhere, I go. I am there.

Looking back this has always been a problem. During high school I never did things with my friends after school like everyone else does. No movie watching, no getting a hamburger at McDonald's, no double dates. Hmmm. I missed out on a lot. And I am still missing out.

 

[upndwn]

I hate to ask people if they want to do stuff, I always fear that they will reject me, make up excuses etc. I just wish people could be honest and just say when they don't want to do things instead of making up excuses.

 

[Necrucifer]

I hate asking people to but I try sometimes, I mean if they never wanna hang out are they really your friends? That is how I think about it and try to move on...Sucks because having SA and small number of friends if any you want to try and keep those friends that you have instead of say goodbye....

I have a tendancy to text alot even if its one person because I usually dont converse much face to face since I dont go out alot but I always think I am bugging them when they say I am not...I can only say though if they never have time for you amongst there other friends...there not your friends as cold as it may sound.

You could always try talking to them about it though asking them why they never wanna hang out with you etc if you feel comfortable with that. That is just what I do anyway...I had a whole boatload of friends not talk to me anymore after high school like they didnt wanna do anything with me and I was wiped off the planet.

Hell I know if I knew you all in reality I would definately be wanting to hang out with people with the same issues around where I live but it happens...girls can be a toughy though asking to hang out whether its just friends or you have something more for them because some girls I know not all will usually think you have something for them.

I just realized I rant to much...I'ma call it there and just stop haha.

 

[KiaKaha]

Yes I feel this way too. I have an underlying "feeling" that people just dont like me all that much. I dont know if its true or not either, but I just cant seem to shake it.

So I dont really bother trying to organize things with people. Even if something comes along it usually ends up being uncomfortable because I dont really know how to act in social situations...

On a rational level I know this is all cognitive, but on an emotional level its hard to control. It doesnt make any sense, but its how I feel.

 

[¯\(º_o)/¯]

Yes I feel this way too. I have an underlying "feeling" that people just dont like me all that much. I dont know if its true or not either, but I just cant seem to shake it.

So I dont really bother trying to organize things with people. Even if something comes along it usually ends up being uncomfortable because I dont really know how to act in social situations...

On a rational level I know this is all cognitive, but on an emotional level its hard to control. It doesnt make any sense, but its how I feel.

i know how you feel, only difference with me, is i do occasionally try to get people together, but the success rate is very low.

i did set up a movie/haunted house night that was successful, we all made plans to go to more haunted houses the next weekend. waited all week looking forward to it, when i tried to figure out what was going on nobody knew anything 100% for sure. then nothing, no contact then next thing i know they was all out at haunted houses.

haha that just means my friend list just got smaller by 2 people lol oh well

 

[TheRadicalAnxiousLefty]

My one friend here in the city is always the one asking me to hang out. It is never the other way around.

I have two other friends in my hometown. I only invite them up into the city if they either (a) suggest coming up or (b) it is something so unbelievably awesome, that I know beyond a doubt they would not refuse (e.g. going to see Metallica live). Moreover, during school, we had an extra person in the group, who moved up to the city after I did. Now that he's here, we never talk, hang out, or contact each other at all for that matter. My mind has made itself up: I am too much of a loser for his company, and nothing will convince me otherwise. I occasionally get invites via FB to gatherings that he has, but I never go, out of fear. In fact, I just assume that he has done an automatic invitation thing that sends out invites to every friend on his FB, and not invited me personally. Why the heck would he want to invite me? I'm a loser!

I just hate the thought of inconveniencing others with my presence, because I know what it is like when there is someone present that no-one likes. It feels so awkward. I can't even bear to watch it on TV! For example, I was watching Real Time with Bill Maher the other night, and there was some Australian CNN war correspondent on there, who was loud, boisterous, and totally unfunny. I literally could not even look at the screen, it was so awkward.

In real life similarly, I just hate the thought of being awkward and inconvenient. I don't know the night life, I don't know the good clubs, I don't know the good places to hang, I don't have any dress sense, I have a very mundane taste in food, and so forth. I feel like I would be the one weighing someone else down if I ever invited them out. So I just don't bother. Why bother?

 

[megalon]

I can never get the courage to ask people to do anything with me. The few times when I ever did get invited to go somewhere, I usually turn them down because I think they are only inviting me out of pity.