I know a lot of people here received a lot of put downs, negative judgements, maybe ridicule too. I was picked on a lot at school and got a lot of negative judgements which hurt very much at the time and I started believing that is how people see me, those judgements are how I am, etc. I became self conscious of the parts of me that I was getting these hurtful judgements on to protect myself and to stop people thinking those ways about me. I couldn't stand it. So I always felt self conscious and anxious with attention on those parts of me.
The point of this post is that it is becoming clear to me that if there is anything that someone could pick on and ridicule or tease in you or put you down for in your school years - isn't it fair to assume that some immature dumbass will make some negative comments?
I remember at school that my best friend was always picked on for his ears, people would say he had big ears and that sort of label stuck with him, he hated it. He has ever since school days had long hair to cover his ears. I had another friend who was short and he used to get a lot of negative judgements too which he hated so much. I saw others getting called names or ridiculed for being overweight - which I know hurts those people. I knew kids who were called names for being skinny. There was a guy in class who was always called names for being ginger. I remember this girl in my class was called concorde nose and people ridiculed her for her nose even though I couldn't see that her nose was any bigger than average really. I even remember some people calling some kid 4 eyes and ridiculed for wearing glasses.
This name calling, bullying, put downs is rife at schools, a lot of kids are so immature, can be very nasty, insensitive, they think its funny, they don't realise really what they are saying, etc. The negative judgements really are not a fair source to believe that what they are saying is fair and true. i.e. they may make you feel so crap about a small imperfection but to everyone else it means nothing, but if you believe the exaggerated negative judgements you will see it as a huge flaw.
Everyone above who got these negative judgements, people didn't see them as their 'flaw' which they kept getting judgements on, it was just some immature kids picking on them for cheap laughs or to hurt them because they don't like them or maybe because they were so shallow and were so critical of people.
We took these comments so hard and believed they were true because we maybe knew that we had these imperfections. But its not true as such, it was people wanting to hurt us or to humiliate us or maybe simply because they were so shallow and insensitive and critical - most people are not like that.
But not only that, but how relevant or applicable are the judgements when you were a teenager or younger fair for when you are in your 20s or 30s? I was ridiculed loads for how I talked for a minor speech impediment and quite a high pitched voice as a kid. I became self conscious of speaking out loud and saying words that I was getting ridiculed for. I no longer have the high pitched voice and my speech impediment is so incredibly minor now yet I still remain self conscious of people hearing my speaking. I became self conscious to protect myself from negative judgements and protect myself from being hurt by those judgements - but in my mind now I don't believe people are going to judge me negatively for how I speak but I am stuck in this self conscious mindset.
I am starting to realise the negative judgements I received that hurt me, I took them to mean that was how I am, that is what people see and feared being judged that way any more. It is not fair or true. If I insult someone today for an imperfection or flaw or weakness, does it mean what I say is fact and how people see them? Should that person become self conscious of the part I insulted to protect themselves from being hurt?
It seems near impossible to avoid negative judgements in your school and teenage years if you have anything that someone can pick on or make fun of you for.
I think for a lot of people here that the problem is with the way we took the negative judgements - we believed them and believed those parts of us were so shameful and terrible and feared negative judgements like that any more.
However, we won't be getting negative judgements - the negative judgements were from immature jerks or shallow insensitive loud mouths who wanted to hurt us or to get cheap laughs. All of our beliefs that we developed are therefore totally flawed. I think there has to be a realisation and understanding that the beliefs we developed and the evidence it was based on was all flawed and wasn't a fair assessment on how you are but simply school kids picking on you, making fun of you, trying to hurt you and that no one is really thinking like that at all.
Any thoughts?
The point of this post is that it is becoming clear to me that if there is anything that someone could pick on and ridicule or tease in you or put you down for in your school years - isn't it fair to assume that some immature dumbass will make some negative comments?
I remember at school that my best friend was always picked on for his ears, people would say he had big ears and that sort of label stuck with him, he hated it. He has ever since school days had long hair to cover his ears. I had another friend who was short and he used to get a lot of negative judgements too which he hated so much. I saw others getting called names or ridiculed for being overweight - which I know hurts those people. I knew kids who were called names for being skinny. There was a guy in class who was always called names for being ginger. I remember this girl in my class was called concorde nose and people ridiculed her for her nose even though I couldn't see that her nose was any bigger than average really. I even remember some people calling some kid 4 eyes and ridiculed for wearing glasses.
This name calling, bullying, put downs is rife at schools, a lot of kids are so immature, can be very nasty, insensitive, they think its funny, they don't realise really what they are saying, etc. The negative judgements really are not a fair source to believe that what they are saying is fair and true. i.e. they may make you feel so crap about a small imperfection but to everyone else it means nothing, but if you believe the exaggerated negative judgements you will see it as a huge flaw.
Everyone above who got these negative judgements, people didn't see them as their 'flaw' which they kept getting judgements on, it was just some immature kids picking on them for cheap laughs or to hurt them because they don't like them or maybe because they were so shallow and were so critical of people.
We took these comments so hard and believed they were true because we maybe knew that we had these imperfections. But its not true as such, it was people wanting to hurt us or to humiliate us or maybe simply because they were so shallow and insensitive and critical - most people are not like that.
But not only that, but how relevant or applicable are the judgements when you were a teenager or younger fair for when you are in your 20s or 30s? I was ridiculed loads for how I talked for a minor speech impediment and quite a high pitched voice as a kid. I became self conscious of speaking out loud and saying words that I was getting ridiculed for. I no longer have the high pitched voice and my speech impediment is so incredibly minor now yet I still remain self conscious of people hearing my speaking. I became self conscious to protect myself from negative judgements and protect myself from being hurt by those judgements - but in my mind now I don't believe people are going to judge me negatively for how I speak but I am stuck in this self conscious mindset.
I am starting to realise the negative judgements I received that hurt me, I took them to mean that was how I am, that is what people see and feared being judged that way any more. It is not fair or true. If I insult someone today for an imperfection or flaw or weakness, does it mean what I say is fact and how people see them? Should that person become self conscious of the part I insulted to protect themselves from being hurt?
It seems near impossible to avoid negative judgements in your school and teenage years if you have anything that someone can pick on or make fun of you for.
I think for a lot of people here that the problem is with the way we took the negative judgements - we believed them and believed those parts of us were so shameful and terrible and feared negative judgements like that any more.
However, we won't be getting negative judgements - the negative judgements were from immature jerks or shallow insensitive loud mouths who wanted to hurt us or to get cheap laughs. All of our beliefs that we developed are therefore totally flawed. I think there has to be a realisation and understanding that the beliefs we developed and the evidence it was based on was all flawed and wasn't a fair assessment on how you are but simply school kids picking on you, making fun of you, trying to hurt you and that no one is really thinking like that at all.
Any thoughts?
