for those conspiracy minded folks...

[no1]

I feel like either, somewhere in my life something went wrong in my life, and perhaps the whole world too, and now here I am kinda of stuck, in never ending torture until maybe some outside source can help us. Like we are victims to a grand conspiracy.

or sometimes I feel like I'm a victim of mind control techniques employed by some more powerful evil force. I know it's not good to entertain such thoughts, lest I actually allow it into my life, or even worse, create my own disaster.

Bad luck follows me, victim consciousness. I'm a victim to some secret technology which alters magnetic pathways around me such that I align with "bad luck" events all the time, and no matter how much I try to get better, I don't.

I know I'm not the only one who feels like no matter how much they try they dont make the slightest move upwards towards a greater good.

Sometimes I just feel like ending my life. How can I have gotten so bad? Of course, there are others dying in Africa, and elsewhere. I'm not takling about that. God help them
God help everyone.

 

[SickJoke]

Those are delusional thoughts, possibly coping mechanisms. Face reality or you'll just dig yourself deeper.

 

[Jay732NJ]

Ahh I still like being part of the tin foil hat club. It's not all delusions.

 

[nephatitus]

lucky you

i get the feeling im being watched 24/7 and its ticking me off

 

[Anubis]

you can play the victim card or you can try fixing your life. Only two choices.

 

[Joolin]

I had a similar thing for a great deal of my life - weird delusions like that I was a prototype human of some alien terraforming experiment and everyone else was a robot put here to test my reactions to things. That later turned into thinking that I was mentally disabled and that to keep me from knowing, my family told every school I went to and made sure all the kids at the schools knew so they'd be friendly to me. That one's only recently started going away. I still feel that way sometimes, when people seem a bit too nice or talk down to me for no reason, but I know that I'm just being paranoid.

I actually feel pretty weird posting this on the internet, just because growing up, that was my biggest secret because I figured if I told anyone, they'd think I was crazy and lock me up. I don't feel weird because I think you guys will think I'm crazy - it just feels weird opening up in a way that I once promised myself I wouldn't.

More recently, all of this has been fading into just figuring I am a pathetic loser. No aliens, no syndromes, just flat out pathetic. Hopefully that one will fade someday, too.

 

[worrywort]

no matter how much I try to get better, I don't.

I know I'm not the only one who feels like no matter how much they try they dont make the slightest move upwards towards a greater good.

Here's a little story I once heard that might help....

Once upon a time there was a man and his master. His master took him up a mountain to a place where there was a huge 15ft high rock. The master told the man to push the rock. Then he left and said he'd be back in a few days.

So the man began pushing the rock, but day after day, whenever he'd measure his progress he'd notice that the rock hadn't even moved an inch. Each time the master returned he'd instruct the man to continue pushing the rock, but gradually the man's patience was wearing thin. From the mountain, he could see down to the rest of the villagers who were all busily going about their lives being productive, while he was stuck here pushing a giant rock and getting nowhere. Days, weeks and months went by and obediently the man would continue pushing the rock as hard as he could despite zero returns.

Until finally, one day the man cracked and shouted at his master, "This is ridiculous! I've been pushing my hardest for months and the rock hasn't moved an inch. Why did you bring me up here to push on this rock when I haven't gone anywhere? What was the purpose? Wasn't their better things I could have been doing?". At this, his master bought out a large mirror and told the man to look at himself. To his amazement the man noticed that he had become incredibly strong and muscley. The months of pushing the rock had strengthened all his mucles.

When the man returned to the village, the other villagers were amazed. He was now the strongest man in town!

 

[no1]

Here's a little story I once heard that might help....

Once upon a time there was a man and his master. His master took him up a mountain to a place where there was a huge 15ft high rock. The master told the man to push the rock. Then he left and said he'd be back in a few days.

So the man began pushing the rock, but day after day, whenever he'd measure his progress he'd notice that the rock hadn't even moved an inch. Each time the master returned he'd instruct the man to continue pushing the rock, but gradually the man's patience was wearing thin. From the mountain, he could see down to the rest of the villagers who were all busily going about their lives being productive, while he was stuck here pushing a giant rock and getting nowhere. Days, weeks and months went by and obediently the man would continue pushing the rock as hard as he could despite zero returns.

Until finally, one day the man cracked and shouted at his master, "This is ridiculous! I've been pushing my hardest for months and the rock hasn't moved an inch. Why did you bring me up here to push on this rock when I haven't gone anywhere? What was the purpose? Wasn't their better things I could have been doing?". At this, his master bought out a large mirror and told the man to look at himself. To his amazement the man noticed that he had become incredibly strong and muscley. The months of pushing the rock had strengthened all his mucles.

When the man returned to the village, the other villagers were amazed. He was now the strongest man in town!

this doesn't make me stronger.

not for this life. time keeps ticking, days get shorter, I haven't been sleeping at all. I've been getting worse.

Time keeps ticking.

 

[no1]

you can play the victim card or you can try fixing your life. Only two choices.

You think I'm just running away? I am trying to fix my life.

 

[Danfalc]

You think I'm just running away? I am trying to fix my life.

I dont think anyones saying your running away.I mean just getting up and carrying on with depression is a fight in itself.Its really bad when your sleeping and everything else gets messed up,and its doesnt seem to matter what you do nothing helps.But what do you expect people to say?No ones gonna say oh yeah give up its not worth it...and at the same time we cant really give you any advice that you dont already know.

There is always somthing else we can try and do it might seem pointless at the time and if might feel like a drop in the ocean.But the little things do mount up.Theres not alot anyone can say while your feeling like this though like i said before,but you can get better....alot of it is in your mind,im not saying you dont have problems and your life isnt hard,because it obviously is.Im just saying depression makes us feel like theres no hope and we cant win.

But it can get better so i hope you can hang on in there.

 

[SickJoke]

You think I'm just running away? I am trying to fix my life.

When you indulge in delusional thoughts like this, you are running away from reality. It won't help you fix your life - it will only make things worse.