Fitting in?

[Cal]

I have a problem identifying where I fit in. I've always had problems with anxiety and nervousness, but not to the point that I was a total outcast. The last week or so has been tough and I've been feeling down which prompted me to join this site.

So I have a full time job and I work with a lot of outgoing and funny people. I get on with most of them pretty well and we all enjoy laughing about stupid things and cracking jokes, occasionally making fun of each other, etc. But I feel somewhat alienated due to me having problems. (and to be more specific, abandoncy issues from my childhood.) I fear I can't really make them aware of my problems, due to my social status, if you wanna call it that.

On the other hand, I've tried having conversations with people who do have problems, hoping that I might be able to share my grief and be able to help someone out in return, but I usually always get shut down. I don't know if it's because I get along with most people and therefore viewed as intimidating by some, or if I'm just no good projecting good body language and come across as insincere. In any case, the more popular people don't seem to notice, and I actually get on with them a whole lot more.

I basically feel stuck in the middle, it's like I don't have any proper friends I can trust to share everything with, and therefore can't express myself fully to anyone. Does anyone have similar experiences or advice the can share with me? If so, it'd be most appreciated.

 

[doesit]

well you sound not so bad, give it some time because you gain real friends only in time,usually long years and remember not everyone needs to know how your feeling or what you went through.

 

[Cal]

Contrary to the title of this thread, I don't think I really have issues with fitting in at all. I do however have reoccuring depressive episodes, and I get very confused about EVERYTHING when I'm like that. Having heaps of mixed thoughts sucks, because you can't focus and never know where to start if you're trying to express yourself.

That being said, everything in my original post is true, I just didn't know how to phrase it properly. I guess I need to be more clear... But there's just so much to say!

Hahaha, thanks for the advice anyway! I haven't really lived in one place my whole life, rather moved areas every year or so snce I left school, so I sometimes forget that I'm the new guy where I'm currently living, and that it takes a while for people to warm to me.

I agree with you, keeping people at a distance when it comes to personal things is a healthy, mature way to go about your business. If you go around flaunting these things, you come across as an attention seeker who's self absorbed and that isn't good for the social life at all. However, I also tend to think that talking to just one person would be bad, for they might start to feel suffocated. Opinions anyone? Anyone at all?

 

[mmmm]

I get that confusion depression thingy now and then. I find that journelling really helps with that because it allows you to see what life was like when you were "in your right mind", which helps to lift the fog off the depression. I think forums are a good way of getting all the pain out because, even if no-one reads it, writing it and then re-reading it is a good way of seeing what it looks like when separated from you as a person. This is what i find anyway. I wouldn't get all sappy in real life because I judge sappy people kinda harshly.

 

[NothingElseMatters]

I don't know if it's because I get along with most people and therefore viewed as intimidating by some, or if I'm just no good projecting good body language and come across as insincere. In any case, the more popular people don't seem to notice, and I actually get on with them a whole lot more.

Yeap a person with SA can see you(i mean you Cal, not a general you) as a 'threat' and what you are threatening is his ideas about what an SA person must look.So he won't trust you. Not because he is a bad person but you don't have the exact same life therefore he may thinks you are lying to get attention...And that's exactly the kind of person you wanna stay away with.Cause if you start feeling guilty about having outgoing friends you are gonna start to prove that you don't and you may do everything to lose them.

basically feel stuck in the middle, it's like I don't have any proper friends I can trust to share everything with, and therefore can't express myself fully to anyone

Make the start with the person you think is the most close to you and share a small personal thing with him/her...and maybe things will start moving

 

[evie]

I agree with you, keeping people at a distance when it comes to personal things is a healthy, mature way to go about your business. If you go around flaunting these things, you come across as an attention seeker who's self absorbed and that isn't good for the social life at all. However, I also tend to think that talking to just one person would be bad, for they might start to feel suffocated. Opinions anyone? Anyone at all?

I think the problem is just that everyone is generally thinking about their own issues and not about the issues other people are dealing with. So when someone brings up a problem of theirs, unless you've already been thinking about a very similar problem yourself, it can be hard to come up with a meaningful response or be all that helpful right away. I think maybe the best way to tell someone about things like this is gradually, that way they have time to really think about the things you've said.

Maybe that isn't the greatest advice though, I don't know, because I'm not very good at this kind of thing myself.

 

[Cal]

mmmm: I think journelling is a good idea, but I don't think it would really work for me. See the problem is, my moods chop and change that much, that it's hard to stay consistent. For example: while typing out long posts on this forum, I struggle, because I might initially feel negative and want to vent, but by the time I'm half way done I'll feel entirely different. So what I mean is, I might feel absolutely HORRID for 20 minutes sometimes, other times it lasts for a few days, so it's really hard to stay in a set mindframe.

Oh and also, I work 50 hours a week, so I don't get around to doing a lot of things like that anyway, and when I have a lot of free time on my hands and I'm feeling okay, like on weekends... I don't exactly like to spend it by writing about my feelings and such, not for myself anyway, I suppose it's different on here a little, because you're interacting with others.

Yeap a person with SA can see you(i mean you Cal, not a general you) as a 'threat' and what you are threatening is his ideas about what an SA person must look.So he won't trust you. Not because he is a bad person but you don't have the exact same life therefore he may thinks you are lying to get attention...And that's exactly the kind of person you wanna stay away with.Cause if you start feeling guilty about having outgoing friends you are gonna start to prove that you don't and you may do everything to lose them.

Well I used to deal with the exact same problem, though for me it was more jealousy and being envious of other people and how they could relate to others when I couldn't. But to respond to your comment, I wouldn't feel guilty for having ANY different types of friends. If people can't accept me and the people I choose to associate with, then I'm not going to bother with them, it's just not worth it.

I think the problem is just that everyone is generally thinking about their own issues and not about the issues other people are dealing with. So when someone brings up a problem of theirs, unless you've already been thinking about a very similar problem yourself, it can be hard to come up with a meaningful response or be all that helpful right away. I think maybe the best way to tell someone about things like this is gradually, that way they have time to really think about the things you've said.

Maybe that isn't the greatest advice though, I don't know, because I'm not very good at this kind of thing myself.

Nonsense! It's great advice. I might actually try it the next time I feel like crap for an extended period of time. But unfortunetly, or fortunetly(?), I've actually felt a lot better since joining this forum and reading so many different things and venting.