Felt like ending it all last night

[cadaver_]

Don't have the will to live anymore. I'm 32, can't connect deeply with people, self-conscious walking down the street, feel inferior around everyone, have suicidal thoughts all the time, and sleep just to escape this emotional torture I'm feeling daily.

People always say "oh don't do it, you have so much to live for." Really? Nothing is getting better. I'm on anti-depression medication that isn't working for me at all. I'm jealous of everyone I see that's enjoying life with their friends (this summer is going to be torture). My doctor said to get outside more because isolating myself will make my depression worse. Well, so far I've felt worse going outside and seeing people enjoying their lives. I get so jealous I want to return home so I don't have to see it. The only thing that makes me feel relief anymore is sleeping and my fantasies of suicide.

 

[Lexmark]

Yeah i feel similar except the jelousy part
Not worth it though its pretty hard to actually do properly
imagine u fuked up and made yaself a vegtable
not worth it u dun know wats around the corner either
things may get better

 

[milo001]

i feel envy and sometimes jealous when i see a group of friends walking pass me and i have to go out with my parents.i'm teenager they're teenager but why they're with their friends and i'm with my parents. so i avoid going out in public esp mall. :roll:

 

[dj_lunoxX_]

please people DON'T be jealous.
instead, wonder how it would be for you to be on the street with all your friends.
wouldn't that be great?
I guess for 70% of the people on this forum it isn't impossible at all.
give yourself some time. relax. don't care about being alone. it's worse sitting alone at home than being alone on the street. many of you have to build up a life (certainly if you're a teenager) in a different way than most other people. most people have friends in a natural way, without really trying hard. you just aren't that social ( :roll: well, maybe that's a eufemism) , but it doesn't mean you can't have friends. it just takes some time, courage and work.

 

[dan_e]

I'm jealous of everyone I see that's enjoying life with their friends this summer is going to be torture

I hear that. The torture has already begun .

 

[terrified]

Friend, hold on.

I understand. I have been fantasizing about suicide since I was a teenager.

Now I'm 37 and still fantasize about it at time to time. It's funny that I always knew I'm not going to do it but fantasizing gave me the relief. It was additive. After doing it so many years, I did it daily without the intention that I really going to do it. However I was scared that one day I might snap and really do it. What kept me from really doing it was that even I succeed, then what? People might feel sorry for me for awhile and then forgotten quickly. People forget dead people quickly. It would be my loss.

I have been on Therapy for over 10 years and starting to be hopeless. I went through 3 therapist and my most recent one is wearing thin. I figured I'm hopeless.

Here is what I found out recently. The reason I always have been feeling so crabby is because I always rely on other people to make me feel better. I didn't know that not only I have an ability to make myself feel better but I could do a better job because I know myself better than anyone.

My friend, hold on. Take one step forward each day. Before you know it, you would have come very far.

Reach out for help. It's so difficult to do it alone.

Remember, when we feel depressed, what we see become exaggerated. You are not seeing the real picture. Your feeling is not reality.

IT IS FEELING. FEELING RARELY TELL US THE TOTAL TRUTH.

 

[recluse]

Cadaver, please, please don't do something stupid like suicide. I have thoughts like that too but i can trust myself not to act on them. Being on stes like this is testimony that you are not alone, i too suffer from the same feelings of inferiority. However hard it is i try to think about the people in this world who are starving, paralized, have missing limbs, disfigurement, and i try my best to think how inferior they must feel..And they have much more reason to feel that way than i do.

 

[noblame4]

Dont go, man.

You dont know that something good will happen to you tommorow. Things/people that show up and change our whole lives, all that shit happens all at once, when your not even waiting for it.

Dont miss out on it.