feeling uncomfortable

[Falkor]

Hi everybody,

I'm having lunch from school now. I feel uncomfortable a lot and anxious.
I feel so tensed that I have a uptight face all the time. I look frightened and serious and very angry because of all feelings inside and I look like i'm really scared and I feel like my head is exploding. (not literally)

I don't know how to act. I try to smile, a few sec later I feel tensed again and get self aware of my body language. I'm so insecure about the way I look and the way I behave, that I can't be myself.

At home, I'm very spontanious, I'm humouristic make lots of jokes, I am serious but not like I'm tensed, I can feel happy I can be myself and I can
just laugh whenever. Now I have this fake laugh and very awkward.

I feel damned awkward.

I force myself to smile or to try to relax but It keeps on attacking me and my teacher said that he's afraid if I will be still there in the end of the year at school because It seems I'm not comfortable in class.

argh :/

according to my school work he gave me compliments, so it's not about the school work, I'm far on schedule, i love studying, ambition for it
That's why I got back to college after 3 years, I really want to work on my future and I love learning everyday and want to have a job like anyone else...

the anxiety is plain stupid.. it doesn't go away though
This is really frustrating

And nope, I'm not walking away from it.. I will be in class even though I feel horribly anxious or whatever
so yeah the feeling is kilin me

thanks for readin
Sas

 

[Nanita]

Oh I know how this is! I´m sorry u have to feel this way!
I go to "school" just 10 hours a week, and I feel extremely nervous and anxious when I´m there. It´s a school/project for unemployed people and people with mental/emotional problems. I must say all the others at the school really seem fine with being there, thay talk and talk and laugh and become friends.
The only thing I like about the school, are the lessons in painting and yoga. Whenever there is a break or lunch, everything gets worse because that´s when people do the smalltalking and socializing. Well I can´t do that and I´m totallty the odd one out, not knowing where to place myself, and I hate it when someone looks at me, I can´t take it......
I have to either fake-smile-laugh and participate in communication (I´m not able to participate much though), or I just keep quiet and look sad and shy. It´s exhausting for me to be at that place. I also feel nervous sometimes when I´m at home, but not as much of course. There is one guy at the school, at the teacher/therapist, who has been very helpful to me, he´s the only thing making it easier. But most of the time there, I´m just like a weird lonely alien.