feeling the EFFECTS more than the SYMPTOMS??

[xtina_fan81]

I am feeling EXTREMELY frustrated recently. The thing is, my SA symptoms havent been as bad since I started College last September, Ive actually made a couple of friends that know about my problems - i finally managed to tell them after a lot of heartache wondering how i would go about it. Ive gotten a couple of the "quiet" comments from people but I was expecting them and it hasnt really been malicious, I wasnt expecting to just go and it be completely different from everything else ive done but it has been better than school was.
I feel like im still "living" hthrough school and how bad it was, and like im now feeling the full efects of it.
My friends at college have their other friends from school that they keep in touch with and see, but I hardly have any, like one i would even try to bother with, but she has a boyfriend and whenever I have made plans with her she breaks them off or something doesnt go to plan. I confronted her about basically not putting in enough effort and she said something about theres something she feels towards her boyfriend that she cant be away from him for too long or something and she spends ALL her time with him, she doesnt get out or get any time with her friends. Maybe its an insecurity thing on her part, she said one day she will "explain" it to me and then ill be able to "understand" why we cant go out like normal friends do. Is this acceptable? I dont know i should be ok with tat or not or if she would be really making more effort if i meant enough to her.

NO-ONE bothers with me and just pisses me off.EVERYONE has their little groups and im always just the one that people just say hi to occasionally, Im NEVER the most important to anyone and sometimes i just wish people would care more, it frustrates me SO MUCH how people are so inconsiderate especially as all of my half friends-half acquaintances know about my problems and they still dont make any effort. Over the years ive managed to tell people. I feel like no-one wants to see me or cares to know anything about me and i just want to know why or how the hell it is fair. im 20 years old and its ridiculous how much time I spend indoors doing nothing, and I mean i cant really do anything about it. One way my sa has improved is that i love to go out, im not scared of the outside world, but theres only so much you can do when no-one is bothering with you. I cant make people want to go out with me, Its like I know I cant change other people but I can change myself blah blah, but i cant do much without the input and effort of some other people, you know what i mean?!

I cant change my view to not caring about people not giving a crap about me, I jsut cant be ok with that and I dont see why i should be. Its easy for people who i have a massive group of friends to say "forget about them", cus if they were in my position they wouldnt be saying that. Non-sufferers dont have A CLUE what its like and they are so ignorant to it all, i just want to scream it in their faces but even then they wouldnt understand since they still havent experienced it. Sorry for the rant I just feel like how is this ever gonna change or improve when NO-ONE cares.

 

[Jared]

I am feeling EXTREMELY frustrated recently. The thing is, my SA symptoms havent been as bad since I started College last September, Ive actually made a couple of friends that know about my problems - i finally managed to tell them after a lot of heartache wondering how i would go about it. Ive gotten a couple of the "quiet" comments from people but I was expecting them and it hasnt really been malicious, I wasnt expecting to just go and it be completely different from everything else ive done but it has been better than school was.
I feel like im still "living" hthrough school and how bad it was, and like im now feeling the full efects of it.
My friends at college have their other friends from school that they keep in touch with and see, but I hardly have any, like one i would even try to bother with, but she has a boyfriend and whenever I have made plans with her she breaks them off or something doesnt go to plan. I confronted her about basically not putting in enough effort and she said something about theres something she feels towards her boyfriend that she cant be away from him for too long or something and she spends ALL her time with him, she doesnt get out or get any time with her friends. Maybe its an insecurity thing on her part, she said one day she will "explain" it to me and then ill be able to "understand" why we cant go out like normal friends do. Is this acceptable? I dont know i should be ok with tat or not or if she would be really making more effort if i meant enough to her.

NO-ONE bothers with me and just pisses me off.EVERYONE has their little groups and im always just the one that people just say hi to occasionally, Im NEVER the most important to anyone and sometimes i just wish people would care more, it frustrates me SO MUCH how people are so inconsiderate especially as all of my half friends-half acquaintances know about my problems and they still dont make any effort. Over the years ive managed to tell people. I feel like no-one wants to see me or cares to know anything about me and i just want to know why or how the hell it is fair. im 20 years old and its ridiculous how much time I spend indoors doing nothing, and I mean i cant really do anything about it. One way my sa has improved is that i love to go out, im not scared of the outside world, but theres only so much you can do when no-one is bothering with you. I cant make people want to go out with me, Its like I know I cant change other people but I can change myself blah blah, but i cant do much without the input and effort of some other people, you know what i mean?!

I cant change my view to not caring about people not giving a crap about me, I jsut cant be ok with that and I dont see why i should be. Its easy for people who i have a massive group of friends to say "forget about them", cus if they were in my position they wouldnt be saying that. Non-sufferers dont have A CLUE what its like and they are so ignorant to it all, i just want to scream it in their faces but even then they wouldnt understand since they still havent experienced it. Sorry for the rant I just feel like how is this ever gonna change or improve when NO-ONE cares.

Whoa, you gotta just breathe for a minute.

You have an EXTREMELY sensitive line that you force people to walk on in order for you to feel that they "care." It is this same line that is likely the reason they won't call you out of the blue to hang out or include you in their activities without you inviting yourself (things that make you think they care): You are simply too much effort. Keep in mind you need to have self respect if you want to relate to people that have self respect. And don't take this advice I am giving you as excuse to hate on yourself: Remember, when you met them you found enough to talk about to become friends.
So you have good "opening skills." The key is to continues the friendship with people without turning the interactions you have with them all about you by aw shucking and telling them you have SA and have them pity you and thus "care" all about you. ouu know?
I'm not sure if you had a parent or a friend in your youth that completely and utterly attended to your every whim, but you have a completely unrealistic views of what it means to socialize with people.
Also, I am not sure if you are a male or female, but you are extremely emotional (at least in this rant) and I'd bet instead of being the quiet SA sufferer, you are the confrontational type. You know like: Why don't you care? Huh? HUh? Why? WHy not?" and on and on.
This will get you alone very fast and in a hurry, so the saying goes.

You need to sit down, and write down what it is you expect from a good friend. Next, write down what you imagine what that good friend should rightly expect from you. I am certain you will find that in what you have written down, all of the expectations will cater to YOUR well being far more often then that of your friend.
And good friends are never self centered. Good friends expect each other to have high self value without feeling entitled.

The best of luck to you in over coming your anxiety and enjoying the people and things around you I hope I didn't come across as too critical!

 

[xtina_fan81]

Thanks for your reply. What do you mean by too much effort? I can be sensitive yes, but at the same time I think that anyone would feel the same if they were in the same situation. I much prefer when I dont have to bring up my Sa and when I simply treated like everyone else. All I am saying is, people know I have an issue, so I just want a little more consideration, without having to drag it up. I am just waiting for someone to come along that is actually going to think twice about me. I tell people about it cos it seems like the best way forward, but I dnt know if it always is. A the end of the day wether i tell people or not, whoever it is they are going to treat me different regardless.

 

[jeds4kids]

You will find all that you need and more if you begin to look inward. Not one of us can rely on another for what we require. Self-reliance is the way forward for you from here. If you have it inside and hold on to it it will always be there for you unless you choose it give it up. It will not serve you to look to others for validation and chasing that is beneath you and where you are in your journey. What other people think of you is none of your business nor should it affect you in the slightest unless you choose to let it. You must own and be responsible for your new depth and understand that you threaten others who have not yet the understanding of things more powerful than vanity and acceptance. Furthermore I pity those who only have this as it is fleeting and invalid and a waste of life energy. To cause attraction you must first accept yourself. My story 'Sixteen Years In Hell' if you are interested have a listen at index
Set your course by the stars, not by every passing ship!

 

[Kinetik]

Maybe your friends feel that you're a little high-maintenance? It might be what's causing them to keep some distance from you. I noticed from your writing that you seem to want recognition and understanding regarding SA, but the truth is, very few people do understand it, and even fewer want to take the time to learn. It's even worse when you label yourself - it can come across as both insecure and attention-seeking, which isn't really the idea here.

Given that, I think you should keep your SA to yourself as much as possible. It's okay to be a little different - don't feel like you have to explain yourself to your friends and blame any self-perceived shortcomings on your anxiety.

As far as getting other people to care, you have to be interested in them first. Are you making an effort to ask about them and what they're up to? People are their own favorite subjects, so play on that once in a while. Anticipate some of the conversations you can have, and go for surefire topics that you know will generate enthusiasm. It's not like others just flock to someone for the hell of it, they do it because of how that particular person makes them feel.