ana0989
Active member
Hi everyone.
Well, the reason for writting this is mainly to unburden myself, as I can't do it in current life because I don't find anyone who I can trust in enough to tell my struggles.
I feel really bad because I don't work like most people do and I feel so useless right now.
I'd love to have a stable job and have a life of my own, but I can't. I've given private English lessons to some students who came home, I'm a graduated English translator but I couldn't find a job as a translator and now I'm not even interested in doing that anymore. Maybe because the lack of work on that area made me lose interest in it as I couldn't put it into practice.
So I devoted myself to help students with their English lessons at school at different levels or even from superior levels such as terciary level or from the university. Although it was really difficult for me at the time, I felt really bad and anxious, I could manage to do it somehow and that helped me to earn money on my own, which made me feel better with myself.
But now the students are not coming anymore. This year (because of a combination of factors I think) the number of students has been much lower and so I have a lot of free time. And that makes me feel almost desperate because I feel useless and empty.
I tried to think about what other things I can do, I tried to think about other kind of jobs I could do. But the fact is that I feel paralysed by fear when I think about that because I have no experience in anything and I have no idea what to do exactly. And if I'm not sure about something, I don't do it.
What really bothers me is having to deal with this anxiety ALL te time, and also the fact of feeling weaker than most people. I feel overwhelmed by the littlest things and my level of tolerance is significantly much lower than the majority of people, which makes me wonder, how am I gonna do to resist in a job if I can't tolerate pressure for more than an hour or something like that?
I don't know if I'll have the chance to run away easily and that is justso terrifying to me.
I feel more pressure everytime and as time passes I feel more desperate. What really disturbs me of this adult life is that it seems not to be enough that you feel like a shit most of the time in your daily life, but now you must also to take care of yourself alone and the best way you can. If you can. I don't know if I can do that.
Don't you feel that "normal people" are like natural survivors of life, that they seem to be much more prepared to deal with life problems than you? And that you are like a three year old-child who cannot live for himself? Well, I feel that way.
Sorry, I just needed to express myself, I didn't mean to be negative, but I felt the need to let the worst side of me go.
Thank you
Well, the reason for writting this is mainly to unburden myself, as I can't do it in current life because I don't find anyone who I can trust in enough to tell my struggles.
I feel really bad because I don't work like most people do and I feel so useless right now.
I'd love to have a stable job and have a life of my own, but I can't. I've given private English lessons to some students who came home, I'm a graduated English translator but I couldn't find a job as a translator and now I'm not even interested in doing that anymore. Maybe because the lack of work on that area made me lose interest in it as I couldn't put it into practice.
So I devoted myself to help students with their English lessons at school at different levels or even from superior levels such as terciary level or from the university. Although it was really difficult for me at the time, I felt really bad and anxious, I could manage to do it somehow and that helped me to earn money on my own, which made me feel better with myself.
But now the students are not coming anymore. This year (because of a combination of factors I think) the number of students has been much lower and so I have a lot of free time. And that makes me feel almost desperate because I feel useless and empty.
I tried to think about what other things I can do, I tried to think about other kind of jobs I could do. But the fact is that I feel paralysed by fear when I think about that because I have no experience in anything and I have no idea what to do exactly. And if I'm not sure about something, I don't do it.
What really bothers me is having to deal with this anxiety ALL te time, and also the fact of feeling weaker than most people. I feel overwhelmed by the littlest things and my level of tolerance is significantly much lower than the majority of people, which makes me wonder, how am I gonna do to resist in a job if I can't tolerate pressure for more than an hour or something like that?
I don't know if I'll have the chance to run away easily and that is justso terrifying to me.
I feel more pressure everytime and as time passes I feel more desperate. What really disturbs me of this adult life is that it seems not to be enough that you feel like a shit most of the time in your daily life, but now you must also to take care of yourself alone and the best way you can. If you can. I don't know if I can do that.
Don't you feel that "normal people" are like natural survivors of life, that they seem to be much more prepared to deal with life problems than you? And that you are like a three year old-child who cannot live for himself? Well, I feel that way.
Sorry, I just needed to express myself, I didn't mean to be negative, but I felt the need to let the worst side of me go.
Thank you
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