Feeling Profoundly Alone...

[LostLaur]

I don't mean to be a complainer, but I feel I need to share, to get this out somewhere.

It is a Saturday evening, I am 23 years old, and I have no one with whom I can see or go out with. I have a hand full of close friends, but everyone is busy, in a relationship, has moved, or won't answer the phone. As for the latter, I feel like it's some paradoxical sick joke: my closest friend of all suffers from severe depression and isolates, so she almost never answers the phone. She is the one who understands me and I want to see her the most, but she is impossible to get a hold of. As for my other two closest friends, both have moved far away. I am grateful that I do have these people in my life, but I have no one available to actually see. Which leaves me feeling just profoundly alone. I have one other friend who canceled on me tonight.

I feel absolutely left behind by everyone I care for. This sounds like I am just feeling sorry for myself, but it truly is the way things are right now. I am constantly told that these are the best years of my life- my early twenties, college years, etc- and yet I feel I live in utter darkness. Much of that is my own making, for I am terrified of being in situations with new people. So I just remain here, stuck, and profoundly lonely.

Sometimes I fall into complete existential crisis. There are times where the only reason I do not thoroughly consider taking myself out is because that would be an assault on my parents- they would not survive it.

Again, I am grateful that I do have people who care about me, but I wish I had some semblance of a social life. I am just so, so lonely.

Thank you for any comments and/or any support. Sometimes I just feel like the last person alive. I feel like I have no life at all. The only time that I experience meaning is when I am at school, that is, when I am in classes and I come across people who I know. That feels good because I know I am around like minded people and I feel meaning in my classes and connected.

I feel so, so alone, and also afraid to do anything about it. So I paint myself into a corner. It is so painful.

 

[Facethefear]

You are not alone. Could you get over to your friends house to see how she is? If not stay here, respond to every topic that interests you and then go to bed knowing tomorrow is a brand new day.

 

[Lowlight]

Hello

I believe that being alone with yourself, especially when you want the company of others, can be a blinding and deafening experience. I’m in a similar situation, but I think yours might be more difficult to deal with.

I’m 23 as well, but I don’t have friends. I had 3 friends in high school, but they moved away after we all got into different colleges. That means for a couple years now I haven’t really talked with anyone. Still I would take that over your situation.

It must be infuriating and draining to have people you know, who accept you to whatever degree, while not having any or enough time with them. You get shards and pieces of social interaction, which are absolutely addictive, only to have them taken away. For me after enough time alone you sort of get used to it (it still hurts, but you get acclimated to it).

It’s like, you might agree, having a skinned knee. If someone has no friends their social life has scabbed over. You have times when you see people in school (which is awesome), offset by periods of isolation (which is devastating). It sounds like your wound heals for a time, but then the scab gets pulled off again and again.

I wish I had some advice for you, but I don’t really have the life experience to make a suggestion. Maybe explain to the girl you describe as your closest friend that being together can wash some of the misery from both your lives. I pray thee good luck.

 

[LostLaur]

You are not alone. Could you get over to your friends house to see how she is? If not stay here, respond to every topic that interests you and then go to bed knowing tomorrow is a brand new day.

Thank you I really appreciate your responding. That is a good idea. I will probably get some homework done and then start replying.

 

[LostLaur]

Hello

It must be infuriating and draining to have people you know, who accept you to whatever degree, while not having any or enough time with them. You get shards and pieces of social interaction, which are absolutely addictive, only to have them taken away. For me after enough time alone you sort of get used to it (it still hurts, but you get acclimated to it).

It’s like, you might agree, having a skinned knee. If someone has no friends their social life has scabbed over. You have times when you see people in school (which is awesome), offset by periods of isolation (which is devastating). It sounds like your wound heals for a time, but then the scab gets pulled off again and again.

I wish I had some advice for you, but I don’t really have the life experience to make a suggestion. Maybe explain to the girl you describe as your closest friend that being together can wash some of the misery from both your lives. I pray thee good luck.

That is exactly how it feels, and it breaks my heart. I gulped a bit reading your response because it so accurately describes the way I am feeling. I think I will have a talk with her at some point. I have in the past.

It is helpful to see your response and your good luck wish. I pray thee the same. I really do.

 

[Srijita52]

I'm really sorry, I wish I knew what to say but I know the feeling. Maybe you can engage yourself in doing something you like, or maybe join a club where you find like minded people.