Feeling lonely and pathetic

[Szelenas]

So long story: I'm 19 (soon 20) guy and i feel more miserable than ever. Mainly because I'm shy. I feel that the hardest challenge in my life is to talk to someone whom i dont know for a very long time. And that causes my main problem. The opposite gender. I never even had a single date with someone. I'm too shy not just to ask out a girl, but even to talk to one. I thought i had a chance 4 times (it took weeks for finding courage to talk to one of them, i wont say to ask out)but those wounded me so badly i lack the courage to do anything right know.

And tomorrow is Valentine's day which causes to fester my wounds. I'm even too afraid to talk to an unknown girl over a dating site or facebook. These all above causes my depression. I feel like a complete loser at this moment. I dont know how to get on my life anymore. Some of you might be saying that I'm just 20, you'll outgrow it, you'll have much time for dating and etc. But i think otherwise. My main personalities won't change so drastically.

I'm so deep in the hole. My friends are pokeing me coz i'm virgin, these days i'm getting more and more ache and rash on my face. I want only to love and be loved, i mean i would give up everything for it.
Returning to my age, i cant be sure that i'll be the same in the upcoming years. But I'm afraid of the upcoming years. And if i'm afraid now, i'll be afraid in the future. I dont want to be a 30-40 years old virgin with a ****ty job and drinking and get wasted every night(Sometimes i just drink and cry myself).
Go to parties, socialize. Some people are saying these. I went to parties with classmates, standing like a statue and watching others having fun isnt great.

The girl whom i liked the most and get "close" told me that i'm nice and intelligent but those are fading away.

I saw the douchebags getting girlfriends, and they are complaining about them. I almost feel sorry for them. Poor guys having gfs while i'm just sitting here, dreaming and thinking about one.

So, can anybody tell me anything useful? How can i get out of this state? Please dont come with the stereotypes. I was even thinking about suicide, but i dont want it to end coz i want that love so badly i cant stop dreaming about it, but a cant see that little chance that it'll happen.

Thanks for reading my little feelings.

 

[Ithior]

I'm 20. I can relate to what you're going through to some level.

I'm not going to tell you to just stop thinking about it, I was told that and it just doesn't work. It's something we really want so we can't just shut the switch off.

Now I can't say that what works for me works for you, but I think I can give you a new perspective I guess. I'm going to try to recreate my train of thought to some extent.

First of all I don't want you thinking that I got through it and got into a relationship, but I dealt with the need to be in a relationship and I'm slowly getting closer to my goal.

First of all, I set my priorities straight. My values are important to me and to me, just getting laid or being in a relationship for the sake of it goes against my values. So I wouldn't be doing it just for the sake of doing it, I want to be with someone who likes me and who I really like, not some random person on a bar. Ok, maybe those douches have girlfriends and all that, but I know I wouldn't be happy with a relationship like that. I would rather wait and be happy with my choice than rush things and be in a crappy relationship.


After this, I realised that, in a potential partner, I would want to check in their hobbies and their lives and help them improve themselves and do what they want. But you can't just devote yourself to someone else and do nothing about yourself. You need to have your own life. You probably have your own interests too. Even if you do get yourself in a relationship, you'll eventually reach a point where it won't be enough to make you fulfilled (that's what I think will happen anyway), so you'll turn to yourself and your interests.
So if you're going to work on your interests anyway, why not start right away? It'll even help you meeting new people that share those interests and you'll become more interesting, with more stuff to talk about.
Basically, don't put your life on hold until you find someone.


Well that line of thought only gets you so far. It doesn't stop me from getting nervous around girls I like, even if I just like the way they look because I don't know anything about them besides that. But I try to think some things so I get less nervous. For example, I'll tell myself that I'm just practising. I can also tell myself that I don't have to prove that I'm worthy of her or show her someone she would like. She needs to like me for who I am. And I'm a person that takes a long time to get to know well. Sure it would be nice to just open up and show her who I really am, but I can't do that. And the fact that I can't do that is also a part of me, and if said person rejects me for that, I think I'm better off without her.

Obviously it doesn't mean that I should expect her to do everything for me, like asking me out and stuff like that. I also need to put some effort. If I can't show through words that I like her, then I have to show her that I'm putting effort into getting to know her better, even if it's something hard for me to do.

That's all for now, had an exhausting football match this afternoon and I'm really tired, my head hurts a bit. When I'm feeling better I'll come back and continue this if I think I didn't say enough.

 

[cocorose]

Well I don't know if this is a 'stereotype', maybe it is but it is definately true whether you want to believe it or not. You really have to be happy with yourself before someone else can love you. I used to hate when people told me that. Because I thought, the reason why I am unhappy is because no one loves me. But, it's the opposite. Once you get yourself together, you will be amazed at how things just fall into place.

I know you don't want to hear this but you are really young, and I'm alot older than you and I still am trying to find 'love' and work on myself. Nothing happens at a certain timetable. It's different for everyone. It will happen when it's right for you. Just keep practicing talking to girls. Go to parties or social events, but bring a close friend who understands you with you so you will feel comfortable. Keep working on yourself, and don't give up.

 

[SilentAndShy]

I feel the same way and I'm 26. Others are probably older and feeling the same way.

I just wish the ground would eat me up and I could disappear.

 

[Szelenas]

Yeah, i quess Ithior you are right. Maybe its just the high-school pressure that increase this. But your method seems strange at first, i'll think about and try it.

It is sad that "much" older people has these problems too

And I dont want to wait until i'm old to explore relationships. I want it now, while i'm young. I thought about giving my virginity to a prostitute(the ones you go to their place, not a street one), i think maybe it'll give me experience/courage/knowledge that i can be thought as a man. What do you think 'bout that?

 

[laure15]

And I dont want to wait until i'm old to explore relationships. I want it now, while i'm young. I thought about giving my virginity to a prostitute(the ones you go to their place, not a street one), i think maybe it'll give me experience/courage/knowledge that i can be thought as a man. What do you think 'bout that?

Being a man is not all about losing your virginity. A boy can lose his virginity and still be a boy. You said you would like to experience love. Having sex with a random stranger such as a prostitute does not equate to love.

 

[cocorose]

And I dont want to wait until i'm old to explore relationships. I want it now, while i'm young. I thought about giving my virginity to a prostitute(the ones you go to their place, not a street one), i think maybe it'll give me experience/courage/knowledge that i can be thought as a man. What do you think 'bout that?

Well, if you do that, think about if you want your first time to be with that kind of a person.. some random stranger. Whenever someone asks, a future gf maybe, you will have to tell that story. Is that how you want to remember it?

 

[Szelenas]

No, i quess not, but i dont want to have a loser story neither which in i'm 28 and dont know what to do

 

[fate12321]

Hmm same thing im going through now except im actually scared in getting ina relationship im afraid of well talking to my crush, feeling rejected, its the end of my senior year in high school and only went out with 1 person who i dint even like the relarion ship lasted like about 3 weeks and thats it. I wasnt proud of that relation but oh well...