Feeling like a clown

[nope1]

I just feel like a clown... I've had enough of living with social phobia so I make jokes and try to be funny. But I feel that all is acting. I don't feel "myself" while doing it. I just don't know.

It's like I do it so that people can talk to me. But all I find that I feel alone, I don't have a friendship with people, I can't connect. I'm hurting inside, but I had enough of showing it and I'm covering it up. But the more I do that, the more I feel I want to explode and just want to go to a motel, just to relax a little.

I just don't know what the hell is wrong with me. The psychologist doesn't help, all she does is talk a lot and I just want her to finish her sentence.

Man, I just want to feel good about myself and not pretend that I'm good.

 

[Y]

Man, i cant believe how alike we are. I have this child within me who is an unstoppable "joke" machine , so i keep saying wierd and "funny" things, which mostly only i laugh, and i get these looks , then i blush

It may be cos ive been told that im boring a few times, and that got stuck in my head so im playing the clown role.

 

[maggie]

Man, i cant believe how alike we are. I have this child within me who is an unstoppable "joke" machine , so i keep saying wierd and "funny" things, which mostly only i laugh, and i get these looks , then i blush

It may be cos ive been told that im boring a few times, and that got stuck in my head so im playing the clown role.

that is so much like me..when i'm at work and feeling awkward...pretty much all of the time :wink: ..i say silly things..i just interpret things that way a lot..and try to make people laugh...and usually end up laughing the most and the longest..and really feel like a dork 8O

 

[maggie]

i even amuse myself ...for example ...i aint slept yet....and just lil things are making me piss me self laughing...

dont ask me what i have been laughing about though

cause....

you know

i forgot what i was gona say now :roll: :roll:

hey cutefluffy....yeah, i think things are funnier to me and i feel sillier when i haven't had enough sleep, which is much of the time :wink:

 

[Jack-B]

Happiness and suffering/anxiety are states of mind.

The causes of both come from within the mind, you dont need to be anyone else for other people, this is a type of dependence which is causes low self esteem. This means we act in ways to please others thinking it will make us happy, either for approval or some other idea we think will make us happy.

Just try and remember that happiness comes from within, you dont need to go looking for it, you can find it every moment if you let go a little of trying to be someone you are not. You will find yourself in your natural state when you let go of trying too hard to be this imaginary person you feel others want you to be.

Jack

 

[Diluted_Acid]

Feeling like a clown is another thing which sparked my SA. Before High school, were i finally decided i'd had enough of peoples reactions and my own failures to take responsibility of my actions, i use to be an absaloute loud mouth, late developer, and strange kid who everyone would laught AT and not WITH.

 

[Erythrocyte]

I've always been a sort of a clown.. but never expressed my "clowness" around people, just been "flippin" at home...
Now people see me more of a clown, since I've become a little more social...
But I kind of think It's a good thing, in my case at least...
I like it that people see me as Funny, silly, different, wierd and strange... I like it better than people not seeing me as anything at all... :?

...everyone tells me how funny I am, which would seem like a good way to make friends, but its not, becuase I don't know how to have friends and when they ask me to hang out I just get tired and can't do it.

its like i know i can't keep it up, and they'll eventually find out that i'm just boring and strange.

This whole thread made me wonder if the clown is really who I am or if it's just a mask I use to get other people to notice me and maybe hoping they will want to be my friends...
Now I just don't know.... :?

 

[nope1]

i use to be an absaloute loud mouth, late developer, and strange kid who everyone would laught AT and not WITH.

That's exactly the way I felt when I was in Elementary school "from Grade 5 to 8". I was the "joke" of the class, always laughing AT me, not with me. I just continued that way...

...until High school when I had enough and I just literally shut down. Didn't want to laugh, didn't want to talk, didn't want to participate in class (Which of course my mark REALLY went down) and from that day, being social is extremely hard for me.

 

[Richey]

i used to blindly make people laugh all the time ....for my sixteenth birthday i dressed up as an elvis impersinator and did karaoke ......not sure what lead me to that decision 8O
..but i remember being random made me alot of new friends in high school

the last couple of years ive just withdrawn from being like that in public, for instance i struggle to even strike a conversation at work and uni ...even at home i can barely chat to my parents at all ..but i think its just the environment and my surroundings that stop me from being myself, ive returned to shy-country again

 

[Lonelyheart]

its like i know i can't keep it up, and they'll eventually find out that i'm just boring and strange.

what a rip off. :evil:

I feel the exact same way. I find it easier to keep my distance from people so that they don't find out too much about me. It's relatively easy for me to pretend I'm "normal" as long as people don't get to know me too well. I'm tall, athletic, and smart so people usually assume I'm "cool" and have friends, a girlfriend, etc.

Of course, if any of these aquaintances were to get to know me better they would find out I'm not at all what they expected: I have no friends and I've never had a girlfriend. And if they were to find out who I really am (a loner) they would inevitably leave. I know this is true because its happend before when I foolishly assumed that "normal" people would not judge me for my social ineptness, lack of friends, and inexperience with women.

 

[lily]

I just feel like a clown... I've had enough of living with social phobia so I make jokes and try to be funny. But I feel that all is acting. I don't feel "myself" while doing it. I just don't know.
It's like I do it so that people can talk to me. But all I find that I feel alone, I don't have a friendship with people, I can't connect. I'm hurting inside, but I had enough of showing it and I'm covering it up. But the more I do that, the more I feel I want to explode and just want to go to a motel, just to relax a little.

I just don't know what the hell is wrong with me. The psychologist doesn't help, all she does is talk a lot and I just want her to finish her sentence.

Man, I just want to feel good about myself and not pretend that I'm good.

well if you don't feel better or like yourself when doing it then you shouldn't do it, but find ppl who you can connect w/.