feeling better but....

[richkid]

hey haven't been on this web site for ages, didn't fell the need to feeling ok about myself just not amazing.
Does anyone have this wierd ironic fear that thier lack of confidence may be due to the fact they don't want to come across too confident. I sometimes fell confident but lapse in different situations, i think its cause it's easy to be thought of as quite than been shot down in social situations where you could be targeted, as being cocky.

I sometimes feel that being too comfortable being painfully shy stops me becoming more confident in myself because its easier that way and agian i'm scared of how people will react to that.

not sure if that makes sense, basically don't wqant to be quite and don't want to be over confident. which i guess makes me overally anxious.

 

[Hurricane]

I know what you mean...seems like I can relate to every problem mentioned here on the forum....seems like I have the WHOLE package, yeay :roll:

 

[paul]

Hey - I know what you mean. I've sometimes thought that I would have to think twice if I had the choice not to have SA -- however, when I think about it it's ridiculous -- the only reason why I'm worried about coming across too confident is BECAUSE of SA itsself.

 

[redlady]

I was surrounded by people who were so insecure and just plain fucked that if you passed yourself off with anything less than an inferiority complex - you were thought to be 'showing off' and ' too big for your boots' and then firmly put back down in your place. The tragic thing is that i did end up fucking developing one. I am so afraid to appear confident to others in the fear that i get shot down for it. In my rational mind i know that anyone's 'distaste' for people who are confident is because that person themselves feels inferior and inadequate - ahhh, one day i will get all this seemingly quite useless rational thinking to permeate down into the dark recesses of my subconscious.

 

[Angie_05]

It's like because most people are insecure, we somehow no longer have the right to be secure in ourselves. I see what you mean. It's like we've come to fear people who think they are inferior. Weird.

 

[Kalima]

Richkid,

I completely understand what you're saying. Sometimes I try to in a sense "pump myself" up to appear confident but then I usually feel like I'm coming across as conceited. And we all know that no one like "those" people right? But what would you rather be, someone whose insecure all the time, running away from life, to make it all simple. I think that's what we're doing if we allow ourselves to think so lowly of ourselves. We're ALL SOMEBODY and we have the right to NOT pretend to be otherwise, u know. And think about it, it's definitely possible to be confident without coming off as cocky. Just think about people who are like that-look around and you'll see one sooner than u think. Hey, we're rich so don't be afraid of it!

 

[richkid]

thanks for replying i'm gald you all feel the same. Guess the point that many people will tell you is just be yourself. Wether thats could enough I don't know. In some ways the cliche I discarde because they are cheesy may be true. Like self-respect, if you feel could inside you'll feel good out side etc. be proud of yourself.

One fantastic monologue from Coach Carter:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our life not our darkness that most frighten us.
Your playing small does not serve the world, there is nothing enlighted about shrinking so that other people don't feel insecure around you.
We were all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us i's in everyone.
As we let our light shine we unconciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

I think this sums up how I would like to view things.

 

[Kalima]

The most touching part of that poem is:

"As we let our light shine we unconciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

And come to think about it, I think it's actually true. You see, my SA doesn't make me uncomfortable as far as speaking in front of people or to people. I'm usually pretty outgoing in that sense. But when it comes to walking around or like writing right in front of people, I feel really uncomfortable cos I think they'll think I'm weird for lack of better words. But friends I have who are less open socially (talking to others) seem to gain confidence when they see me do it so easily. I definitely noticed that in the past but never really paid much attention or even realized the fact that they may have been able to overcome their shyness by watching a girl with SA (although I never actually came out and said I have it) socialize gracefully. Well see, maybe us SP/SA people should take others as examples and let their "light liberate us."

 

[redlady]

richkid wrote

One fantastic monologue from Coach Carter:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our life not our darkness that most frighten us.
Your playing small does not serve the world, there is nothing enlighted about shrinking so that other people don't feel insecure around you.
We were all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us i's in everyone.
As we let our light shine we unconciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

I think this sums up how I would like to view things.

Me too - what a beautiful perspective.