feel lonely and abandoned

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okay.. first of all ur probably not ugly and if that's u in ur aren;t for sure.. i have ocd,.. and can't lie....is there anyway of u seeing a therapist? cbt and a bunch of other things could really help.. and if it helps eve a bit, I'm the same way... can't do anything...btw I'm Marijana(Marianne) and I'm 17...
 

HH

Well-known member
hi unintended,

sorry to hear about your situation. There's probably not a lot I can say about the situation with your parents-has your Dad tried to get of the drink?
As for your looks, well by seeing the photo of you on here I don't think you have anything to worry about. You look perfectly fine to me (bit of a cutie in fact :) ). Your shyness will probably fade over time but unfortunately its down to how you project yourself to the world-stand tall.
Also you're also still very young-17, I shouldn't worry that you haven't got a boyfriend, there's still plenty of time (hell, I'm 29 and never had a girlfriend so how about that hey, ha, ha). I think once you start getting a bit of confidence boys will start to notice you more (its such a difficult time being in your teens)

I hope that helps-good luck and chin up :D
 

Saraesa

Active member
I’m nearly 20 and never had a boyfriend as well, so shake off your worries. ;)
I think you’re neither ugly nor dorky; your mind is simply distorting reality. (Search for body dysmorphic disorder) The feelings you have described are imho very typical for a social phobia. It is difficult to give some advice but sometimes a therapist is the sheet anchor. It took nearly all of my strength to contact a doctor but it really really improved my behavior. Maybe this is a way to overcome your fear. Nevertheless you need to decide for yourself.
 
I'm sorry that you're feeling upset about your situation. I have felt this way numerous times when I was younger. I'm 29 now and have improved greatly and I can tell you how i've been able to do so if you want.

Gender doesn't really matter when dealing with these situations because it something you can learn to change within yourself and your mind. When we learn that our bodies are separate from our minds, we can then create a separation between our body the emotions our minds create. When we recognize the separation, we can watch our minds and see how it works and prevent those emotions from affecting us on a physical level. Once we reach that point we can begin to improve our lives, how we communicate and how we view others and how they view us.

Just be accepting of the world around you, the people and your actions. Live in the present and don't view issues as problems. If there is an issue, just accept it and react to it. Once you dwell on it and let your mind control you, then it becomes a problem and has negative effects on our lives.

Sorry for carrying on, but I hope some of it makes sense. Things will get better trust me!
 

jayo

Well-known member
First off - if that is your photo then you certainly are not ugly.
Far from it - you look very attractive - come to Ireland and the boys will love you!
Plus your English is excellent - perhaps you could go to university and work on that.
I see guys on facebook who I went to school with who weren't considered cool with many friends and guys who were the life and soul of schoollife working in bars.
Your adult life begins after school because you begin to make independent choices.
Trust me - your whole life is ahead of you.
 
You're just 17, you're very young. Everything is ahead. First step is accepting the things you can't change and the second is working on things you can change. I never had a girlfriend too... But I believe I can find her one day... Change your mind, change your thinking, your thoughts. In your pic you look pretty normal. School is rough, but after school things like bullying, mocking usually ends...
 

oui

Well-known member
I hate it when people say, "You're so young" like that's supposed to comfort us, instead of sounding condescending.

I'll be honest with you; people are not different out of high school, and things do not change in college. You just start making bigger decisions and you feel more in control. People do not change. Sorry to sound cynical, but its true. I would suggest you get comfortable with who you are as a person. I don't know how you look: ugly, beautiful- its irrelevant. You can't change it, why dwell? I know its easier said than done, though. So, I can only offer my sympathy.
 
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I think when people say the saying "Your are so young..." it might be out of self bitterness.
I try to see it as, you are young you can still change things. The older you get the harder
it is...
 

Interzone

Well-known member
Hey, just know that you are not alone, I don't know how that would make you feel any better but. I understand what you are going through, know that you have my support and best wishes.

I know what it's like to not have any "real" friends, I've never kissed a girl and I know bad feeling so hopeless is.

I wish I had something positive or helping to say. Chin up, try to always have something to look forward to no matter what. :)
 
I understand, my mother also has issues with the economy etc. My dad forgets my bday till someone says something, and then sometimes doesn't get me anything. My mom tries to get me things. The few friends I have here at college, are that few. And this year we do little together if anything at times. My interest differ to much. I also have never dated, or even kissed a girl. I am 24 by the way, at least I will be in a week. But throughout all this, and with all this, I just can't see myself giving up. It sucks sure, but there are so many things that are bad out there. I have the hope that someday I will be able to be apart of something good.

I say stick it out, I will be your friend if you like, though at the moment that will be online friend, and let time find you your way.
 
It will take some time but things will get better! I suffered majorly over the years but I've improved once I faced the facts and stopped waiting for people around me to change.

I was a virgin until 26 and never had a girlfriend in my life because I felt like it was hopeless and nobody would ever see me for who I was. Once I learned to open up and allow others in, I gained confidence and it changed my life. I still suffer from social anxiety but I now realize I can learn to change myself gradually....and you will too :)
 

BeauZa

Member
Believe it or not, unintended (if that is your real name, lol), there are those who will enjoy being with a shy, quiet person. There is someone for everyone, and shy people are no exception! Also, keeping a positive demeanour about you: sitting up straight, smiling etc., can help you look more appealing to others.

I'm sorry that things aren't working out for you; don't forget that a lot of other people are in the same situation as yourself, so you should never feel like you're alone. ;)
 
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