Feel like such a fool : (...

[grapevine]

Sorry this may be long - but I need to..

I just don't get it. I hate these feelings because they have been ripping me up inside for months and months (actually probably 5 months or more).

Everytime I go to work, everytime Im not even at work too. I dont really even really know why i like him, and I hate it but I dont want to let go of it - its so stupid.

This is agony. This guy at work- all this invested emotion- I feel like such a fool.

So today, I actually wore a sleeveless top- for the first time since since I was a kid - it felt great- and I think I looked pretty- and even sexy - the first in ages.

But he was there today at work- and helped me out in the back. Everytime he is around me he always talks about wanting to go home. He talked about his ex girlfriend from many years ago, like many- and how her face was like an angel but she was horrible.

I mean, he's not into me is he? See he flirts but he then doesnt, its like hes been interested and then isnt. But its like im not important to spend time with - his actions tell me that.

If he was into me, he would want to spend time with me and want to know about me more right? And he wouldnt be telling me about his ex-gf face. Seriously, I mean he has schizophrenia but Im sure hes not into me now.

 

[Megaten]

Thats kinda confusing. Talking about your ex is considered a really bad move if youre trying to date someone. My only guess is that maybe he was flirting to see if you were interested and maybe got the impression you werent? Im not a good flirter because of anxiety so I imagine many here also arent. And I think it gives people the impression we are indifferent. A more aggressive guy would probably ask you out regardless, but a lot of guys need a little nudge (like a smile) to work up the courage.

 

[grapevine]

Thats the thing, I dont think he was flirting at all- just saying what ever was in his head.

It just hurts to be standing there listening to that- even if it is someone from many years ago. And the fact that its not that important to work on the same days as me-

I did tell some people at work months ago and I think he found out- and he did a day of over the top flirting and I guess I backed away- I mean I get what you mean indifferent- but when I have tried its kind of backed down- Im not sure how I am suppose to be - I mean I understand to be myself- and to laugh and smile and conversation skills.. etc- I guess when I think about it I do act indifferent.
But for me to hear him talk about this angelic face of some girl many years ago that hurt him- to that say that in front of me - I think that is a big sign telling me he is not attracted to me I guess. At the same time I am making a big deal of this. It just really hurt at the time. I mean I just think he was just saying what he thought.

I think I need to let this go but its soooooooooooo hard and painful!