Feel I'm not good enough/stupid

[Rooftops]

I had a bad time at school right from the start (don't we all) but since college I've slowly but surely managed to overcome a lot of my anxiety. I am at my first year of uni now and am doing okay. I still agonise over embarrassing throw away comments I've made, have the occasional panic attack and find it difficult to talk in larger groups.

I like one guy in my class but haven't really spoken to him properly, as he is always with other people and that terrifies me. Also, I worry about getting something wrong if I speak to him because he knows so much. I worry he will judge me based on my knowledge of stuff he likes.

In the past I've told two guys that I like them and they both stopped speaking to me, along with two flings. I don't know if I can handle another rejection. Additionally, last night I had a nice dream about him and he said, "I like to be in control" to me. I'm not sure if that's relevant or means anything.

Do you also get paranoid about looking too clever/dumb in front of other people? I do find myself either dumbing down or clamming up based on how intelligent I believe the other person to be.

Thanks -x- (I've been lurking on these forums for a while. Slightly creepy but I'm more of a listener than a talker - is that a word?)

 

[Falkor]

Hi there,
Welcome to the forums.

I'm so happy for you doing good at UNI. Wonderful!
It's totally normal to feel crushy to a person now and then,
I mean if you don't have a lover this is basically happening to many people in first grade. So he is a clever gentleman, I think you shouldn't worry about your intelligence, nobody has to be perfect with words, there's never a perfect line to tell somebody you love him, want to speak to him, tell him about yourself. It's always unique in your own way. Just be yourself and know what you want and what you want to tell. Random questions about Uni? Tell him about your interests? Talk about music, movies, food, travelling, sports, news... Yea It's always new to open up to someone and get in touch, but just keep trying...

I also feel the same at college, especially to take iniative starting a convo... But it is the way to go.... I usually start with easy questions, like about the school work. Or make a joke.. Always helps.

About the two guys in the past. It's the past hun! There will be a guy who will answer your love. I mean they were 2 guys.... out of all the zillion guys in the world. What do you meant exactly with ''I like to be in control'' Seems like an interesting dream, do you have more dreams like this? Do you think dreams are intresting and telling you things about your life?

I always found dreams quite interesting to analyse, it's the process of mind. right?

Do you also get paranoid about looking too clever/dumb in front of other people?

Yes, I do. All time. I'm afraid of acting stupid and dumb and too clever. I'm always afraid I act like a person not knowing anything to say, or knowing too much to say, a stupid smartass. Lol.

I always find it great that people with a good intelligency that they have a bigger mind to think clearly about people which are in a difficult period of time. They are willing to find more about it and not think like ''Oh it's just nothing'' they have the intelligence to care and know what's going on.

Hey I'm really glad things are working out for you in Uni, keep it up this way!
Also the other things will go well for you if you just believe...

Don't force yourself to directly walk up to this guy... Takes time.
And in this case, 99 % of people can relate... Everybody is shy to approach their love! I was too.

Good luck and have fun on SPW.

Sassy

 

[Agent_Violet]

I agree with Pips...you were really brave expressing yourself to those guys.
Just keep in mind, a lot of people may come off as being super smart but that may just be an act they put out to keep from being judged or whatever. Also, even if this guy you like seems to be book smart, he may not be smart in other areas whereas you might know more than him about a lot of things.

It isn't good to be with someone who has the exact same knowledge that you do anyway...that could get boring. Part of relationships is learning from each other...

The hardest part about putting yourself out there is not worrying you come off dumb or clever. But truth is, I think we aren't the only people with that fear...I think it's more common than we realize. The only thing you can do is learn to accept yourself and give others the chance to accept you as well. You'll get rejected and that's ok..doesn't mean there's something wrong with you...it just means people are different and want different things.

 

[Falkor]

I love your quote pipsmcclawski!

 

[Dead_on_Arrival]

I have very low self esteem issues and I have a habit of comparing myself to others. I don't do the dumbing down thing, I just clam up. If I am around people I deem to have made a success of their lives I shy away and feel stupid and worthless to be in their presence. On the other hand, and I know this is going to sound horrible and I hate myself for it more than you can imagine, so there is no need for anyone to pass judgment, I describe myself as having a phobia of thick people. I sometimes feel I should conform to what society expects people to be. I get depressed when I think I should conform to the intelligent groups but feel I am not good enough and should be with the lower educated classes, then I get depressed thinking this is not where I belong. I think my dependancy on structure dictates that I should be somewhere when in reality I am nowhere.

I hope this made some semblance of sense. I am not phobic to educationaly chellenged people by the way, my sense of rational thinking kicks in eventualy.

 

[Rooftops]

Thanks everyone, you're all so lovely!

I do think that dreams are your subconscious talking to you and I normally don't work out their meaning until it's too late. It wouldn't have been so bad if the two guys who rejected me had stayed my friends. In both cases I'd known them for a long time and it hurt that they couldn't even stay in touch.

Are you from the UK like me Dead on Arrival? I feel the class system here is deep-rooted in people's minds and affects how they act. In fact any kind of restrictive social structure p*sses me off.

What you've all said is right. He is clever but I'm probably exaggerating it in my mind and over analysing again!

 

[Dead_on_Arrival]

Are you from the UK like me Dead on Arrival? I feel the class system here is deep-rooted in people's minds and affects how they act. In fact any kind of restrictive social structure p*sses me off.

QUOTE]

Yes I am. I'm in Leeds on the upper half of the 'North/South Divide'

I hate class sytems aswell and it seems to be worse here than anywhere I have ever visited in europe and america.

 

[Rooftops]

Are you from the UK like me Dead on Arrival? I feel the class system here is deep-rooted in people's minds and affects how they act. In fact any kind of restrictive social structure p*sses me off.

QUOTE]

Yes I am. I'm in Leeds on the upper half of the 'North/South Divide'

I hate class sytems aswell and it seems to be worse here than anywhere I have ever visited in europe and america.

I'm from Liverpool but I no longer live there (I do not have a Scouse accent though). The whole "I'm better than you because I'm from here" thing was annoying me. I think in England we can be too traditional and are at times stuck in the Middle Ages.

Even coming to university the main topic of conversation when everyone first arrived was regional accents and differences. It still is to be honest!