fear or forming relations

[creativegenius]

i have a problem. It's some kind of defense mechanism, where i don't want to form any new relations, cause I think I may fail at the relationship, so I isolate myself, and stay inside, and don't get out, or try and socialize. If someone is friendly, I am short with them, in an "f-off" type of reasoning. I got out of a relationship probably about 2 years ago, thought i was going to marry the girl and it didn't work. But since then, i have not been very successful at social behavior, and feel like I want to be alone forever. It feels like I'm not going to fail. I'm not sure what this is, or why I feel this way. But basically, I will stay inside most of the time, not go out, not call people I can get together with, and make plans, and basically know I'm safe by myself. I'm not sure what to do from here, or if I should just let myself continue to behave this way. what does anyone think?

 

[faithnomore]

At least you've had the opportunity to date before. There are loads of guys that never have (and maybe never will) find love.

I know what you mean about being aprehensive about going out and meeting up etc. Its a problem, because you won't get anywhere staying at home, but its alot more comfortable. No anxiety.

It depends how much you want a relationship. Actually thats wrong, because i really want/need a relationship, but its up to the ladies to be interested in me!

 

[GloomySunday]

I think it's normal for people to go through phases like this, to retreat into ourselves, "to lick our wounds" so to speak. But to think of it as a way of life can be dangerous.

True, if you isolate yourself from the world, you will probably never be emotionally hurt by another person ever again. But, it comes at a price. You will also never be able to feel the happiness and joy that another person can give you either.

I've been married. When my marriage ended, it felt like my world caved in. I largely hid myself away and never wanted to even consider having another relationship. I couldn't stand to go through that much pain ever again. But, time passes...feelings and perspectives change. Life does go on.

I hope someday you'll feel ready to take another chance at love. If you don't feel ready to at the moment, that's okay. But use the time constructively, do something that will help to make you a better person when you do feel ready to face the world again.

 

[lyricalliaisons]

I'm always doing that. Though not necessarily with romantic relationships (because I've never had any ). I've had guys I'm not the least bit interested in flirt with me, & ask me out, but despite the fact that I'm not remotely interested, my anxiety wouldn't have allowed me to pursue anything anyway.

The one time someone that I may have been attracted to seemed interested, my anxiety & fear peaked so high that just the site of them made me want to run in the opposite direction.

When someone starts talking to me, even if it's someone I would like to get to know better & possibly become friends, or at least aquaintances with (I have none of either) I sort-of push them away. I don't talk to them & even if they persist trying to be friendly, I distance myself. The closer they try to get, the more I retreat.

For me it's fear of rejection; I've dealt with it my whole life & don't want to deal with it again. I'm afraid (& know) that the more someone gets to know me, & knows about my lack of experience... their going to reject me.

 

[sleepysparrow]

I do this, quite often, although I feel terrible and guilty for pushing people away. It definately feels safe to be alone, but it's not what I want, it's just what I accept for myself because I feel as if I will get hurt or rejected by everyone. I have tried in the past to get close to people, but I always pull away. Even if I begin having conversations with people and they are really nice to me and I feel comfortable, I still pull away, even if I initiate the relationship because sometimes i'm deseperate for a friend, or for someone to hear me, and understand. I get scared and avoid everyone all over again. I think a lot of this comes from abuse/molestation/neglect as a child. Isolation is a terrible thing, really. I just don't know how to break the cycle and trust people again. It's a really empty feeling, seems to be getting worse the older I get...