It's my first year in art college, and I failed terribly.
I've had this feeling that I didn't give my all, because I was minder other stuff because of my SA. Like first adapting to a new environment, without anyone I know. I was so scared to have lunch each day, because I didn't have any friends at first, and I would always stay in the classroom or wander around in the city...
That, and being scared that people hate me, because I act so awkwardly (afraid of looking people in the eyes, or having problems with smiling...).
And because I was lazy, and maybe I'm talentless aswell, I failed.
Teachers said that I shouldn't come back, they didn't litterally say that I don't have talent, but that's what they keep implying. "Do something else", "If you need to do another year, you'll hurt yourself".
They really hurt me with their comments, and I know they're right, because my CURRENT work sucks. I didn't do anything for it, because every day felt so hectic, I minded a lot more about social contacts than art... Plus I was lazy, because when I was at home, I did nothing at all.
Now, I want to redo my year, giving it my all. I know that if I give it 100 %, I can achieve a lot of things. This turned out to be true when I was a kid, I never gave up, and I achieved a lot. I loved to draw, and I thought I had talent, but I stopped doing that since I went to highschool...
I'm wondering, am I always making up excuses: "I can do it if I WANT to". But I actually never "want" do to it, so when I fail, I keep saying that it's because I didn't do my best. I really don't know...
I'm so confused right now, and I'm scared for reapplying to the school, seeing the teachers again. They probably think "Oh... Look who's back again, after we explicitely told him not to come back"...
Sorry for the big rant, but I really need some support...
I've had this feeling that I didn't give my all, because I was minder other stuff because of my SA. Like first adapting to a new environment, without anyone I know. I was so scared to have lunch each day, because I didn't have any friends at first, and I would always stay in the classroom or wander around in the city...
That, and being scared that people hate me, because I act so awkwardly (afraid of looking people in the eyes, or having problems with smiling...).
And because I was lazy, and maybe I'm talentless aswell, I failed.
Teachers said that I shouldn't come back, they didn't litterally say that I don't have talent, but that's what they keep implying. "Do something else", "If you need to do another year, you'll hurt yourself".
They really hurt me with their comments, and I know they're right, because my CURRENT work sucks. I didn't do anything for it, because every day felt so hectic, I minded a lot more about social contacts than art... Plus I was lazy, because when I was at home, I did nothing at all.
Now, I want to redo my year, giving it my all. I know that if I give it 100 %, I can achieve a lot of things. This turned out to be true when I was a kid, I never gave up, and I achieved a lot. I loved to draw, and I thought I had talent, but I stopped doing that since I went to highschool...
I'm wondering, am I always making up excuses: "I can do it if I WANT to". But I actually never "want" do to it, so when I fail, I keep saying that it's because I didn't do my best. I really don't know...
I'm so confused right now, and I'm scared for reapplying to the school, seeing the teachers again. They probably think "Oh... Look who's back again, after we explicitely told him not to come back"...
Sorry for the big rant, but I really need some support...