Facebook 'friends'

[steviegerrard489]

In my last year at college (in 2001) I lived with 6 girls in my halls of residence. They were probably the nearest I got to making any real friends but it is evident that I actually didn't.

Since we left college I have seen them about 4 or 5 times in the last 7 years, and not for about 2 years as far as I can remember. They are 'friends' on my facebook list but they don't use it regularly..

Anyway, to cut a long story short they never bother to contact me and those 4 or 5 occasions I've seen them is when I've initiated it. However, what normally happens is that they just end up talking to me for 5 minutes and then spend the rest of the time chatting amongst themselves. They all got really high paid graduate jobs in the city and for the first few years they shared a flat together.

Last november I tried to arrange a get together by email but a couple of them asked me to cancel the date, we had been planning to meet in December. (Some excuse about going on vacation) Since then I have had no contact...

Just now I went onto facebook and saw pictures of one of their wedding's and all the other girls and their boyfriends. It's quite hard to look at seeing how well they are doing and the fact that they couldn't give a sh*t if I we're dead or alive!

I've kind of decided I'm not going to bother contacting them again. If they email or text message me then fine, I'll be civil. But there's no point trying to pretend the're 'real friends'.

I think I'm better off concentrating on meeting new people, nice people who care.

 

[autumn_82]

I know how you feel. In the past year I made "friends" with a couple of my roommates, but any time we've gotten together it's been because I've initiated. They've rarely called me if ever in the past year. They have other people they hang out with regularly, and I see it on their Facebook sites. I had one "friend" who kept saying she wanted to see how I am and we should get together sometime. So I called, she said to text her, I did, and nothing.
Sometimes I feel like my attempts at friendships are like a bunch of failed first dates. I think I'm doing fine, but then they never call, and I'm left wondering what went wrong. It especially hurts when you see them with their other friends, and all you get is a brief "hi" and they're off. What the--?!

 

[Carol]

Sorry to hear that!

You're right, you should concentrate on meeting new people.

And don't take it too personally. There's a saying, "You can't go home again" meaning that once you've left a situation where you felt at home (like college), things will never be the same if you try to go back. Lots of people have experienced the type of situation that you're going through (that's why there's a saying to describe it!). It's normal for people to be constantly changing and forget about old friends, so like I said, don't take it too personally.

 

[Kien]

Let's be facebook friends everyone. :3

 

[steviegerrard489]

Sorry to hear that!

You're right, you should concentrate on meeting new people.

And don't take it too personally. There's a saying, "You can't go home again" meaning that once you've left a situation where you felt at home (like college), things will never be the same if you try to go back. Lots of people have experienced the type of situation that you're going through (that's why there's a saying to describe it!). It's normal for people to be constantly changing and forget about old friends, so like I said, don't take it too personally.

You're kind of right because I'm not the only one they don't give two hoots about. There are a couple of others who they have spoken to less than me!

I do have this fantasy where I become a world famous actor and the first time they see me is on a chat show or TV interview. Then they desperately try to call my mobile only to find that I've changed my number! That would be sweet! However, I can't see someone like me making it as an actor.

 

[Rabindranath]

Yea it hurts sometimes when people remind you you aren't their choice... Just today I felt like I got slammed when a friend I normally go to lunch with with a third friend ditched me earlier than normal because that third friend wasn't there today. He wouldn't have ditched that third friend earlier but only did it because I'm not as interesting to him one-on-one.

Funny Facebook is mentioned because it depresses me sometimes. Mostly the realization that I'll never be the type of person to have 350 friends on Facebook or that I'm too afraid to contact people I only met briefly because I'm sure they thought I was a freak or that this or that girl I crushed on has about a billion alpha male friends and I made a fool out of myself for even entertaining the thought. Heh heh.

On good days it's easy to accept that I'm way down the social hierarchy, that SOME people have to be there and that there are others who are only mentally and emotionally able to have one--MAYBE two--close friends at a time.

Kurt Vonnegut said something like it's sad people go through life thinking they aren't having as much fun as they deserve to have. I think he's right but not in any kind of pessimistic way... Not that I should accept that I'm not ever gonna have fun but that everyone feels they aren't getting enough of it and that I should count my blessings.... I dunno. That kinda sounds like crappy advice after all. :?

 

[toothpastekisses]

..................

 

[Flaming_Badger]

One thing I do sometimes think about APD is that the impenetrable cocoon we tend to build for ourselves over the years isn't that much of a disadvantage. Yes it does lead to us becoming quite cold and distant, but if used properly it should work to limit the damage other people can do.

If you can learn to live with limited numbers of friends you don't have to rely on people who can screw you over. I mean StevieG, those girls are clearly rather unpleasant, discard them and move on, they aren't important. If they don't value you, they are nothing to you.

 

[recall_uk82]

My opnion is get rid of facebook.It`s so false,timewasting and it will no way come anything close to having "real" friends.
I was going crazy adding people that I knew from school but yet havent seen them for nigh on 15 years.Its ridiculous.