Eye-contact: who else hates it?

[BornAgain]

I was just wondering how many people here suffer from the discomfort of making eye contact? Do you only feel this way with strangers, friends/family, or both? I would also want to know about anyone who has been "cured" of this feeling how they did it. Also, i would like to know if anyone had this problem, took Zoloft (or any other anti-depressant), and then it went away.

If anyone wants to describe the actual feeling, whether it is emotional or physical, that you get when you make eye contact, please do so here. I just want to know if everyone who has this problem feels the same way, or if there are different feelings associated with eye contact. Feel free to comment on anything I said.

 

[Thelema]

The only time I make eye contact is when I'm with a doctor or a dentist or something like that. Any other time I'm just scared out of my mind. The only person I can imagine wanting to look in are the eyes of the woman I love.

 

[BornAgain]

I can't even make eye contact with my doctor. To me, its not very unconfortable to make eye contact with people who work behind registers at stores or whatever. I am with you on looking into the eyes of the woman you love, I feel exactly the same way. Are you on any medication or are you going to a psychologist? How long has this eye-contact thing been part of your life?

 

[Thelema]

I can't even make eye contact with my doctor. To me, its not very unconfortable to make eye contact with people who work behind registers at stores or whatever. I am with you on looking into the eyes of the woman you love, I feel exactly the same way. Are you on any medication or are you going to a psychologist? How long has this eye-contact thing been part of your life?

As long as I can remember. I don't see it as something serious enough to get any external help with. I've tried to purposely look in to the eyes of people I know I'll never see again but I just get too scared. I've also been told I look mad all the time or high and mighty so I might scare people if I look in to their eyes 8O :lol:

 

[BornAgain]

I can't even make eye contact with my doctor. To me, its not very unconfortable to make eye contact with people who work behind registers at stores or whatever. I am with you on looking into the eyes of the woman you love, I feel exactly the same way. Are you on any medication or are you going to a psychologist? How long has this eye-contact thing been part of your life?

As long as I can remember. I don't see it as something serious enough to get any external help with. I've tried to purposely look in to the eyes of people I know I'll never see again but I just get too scared. I've also been told I look mad all the time or high and mighty so I might scare people if I look in to their eyes 8O :lol:

Damn, as long as you can remember? What do you mean by external help? To me, this problem is the most serious thing in my life, and whatever external help may be, if I am not currently using it, I would love to have it. How about family/friends? Do you have the same problem with them? If so, don't you consider this a very serious problem? Sorry If I am sounding judgmental, but i find it very astonishing that someone who has this same problem doesnt find it serious enough to get any kind of help.

I sometimes purposely try to look into a strangers eyes, and I dont get "scared", but i feel very uncomfortable. I've been told that i look like im about to cry, even when im not really that sad. Man, SA really Sucks Ass, huh?

 

[Thelema]

I can't even make eye contact with my doctor. To me, its not very unconfortable to make eye contact with people who work behind registers at stores or whatever. I am with you on looking into the eyes of the woman you love, I feel exactly the same way. Are you on any medication or are you going to a psychologist? How long has this eye-contact thing been part of your life?

As long as I can remember. I don't see it as something serious enough to get any external help with. I've tried to purposely look in to the eyes of people I know I'll never see again but I just get too scared. I've also been told I look mad all the time or high and mighty so I might scare people if I look in to their eyes 8O :lol:

Damn, as long as you can remember? What do you mean by external help? To me, this problem is the most serious thing in my life, and whatever external help may be, if I am not currently using it, I would love to have it. How about family/friends? Do you have the same problem with them? If so, don't you consider this a very serious problem? Sorry If I am sounding judgmental, but i find it very astonishing that someone who has this same problem doesnt find it serious enough to get any kind of help.

I sometimes purposely try to look into a strangers eyes, and I dont get "scared", but i feel very uncomfortable. I've been told that i look like im about to cry, even when im not really that sad. Man, SA really Sucks Ass, huh?

By external help I mean any help coming from doctors or pills or whatever. With some friends I can and some I cant but I can never with my family. It is annoying but it isn't as bad as the other stuff I have. I wonder if looking at pictures would help?

 

[BornAgain]

I can assume you don't suffer from depression, I'm amazed. I envy those with SA who dont have depression. That's good that you can at least do it with some friends, I just avoid it altogether. Looking at pictures, at least for me, doesnt do anything because they're not actually people in real time and real life situations. Certain people have certain vibes that pictures can't fully emulate. What other stuff do you have?

 

[Starry]

I hate eye-contact. I feel like I should make eye-contact and I try to, but I feel so uncomfortable doing it. (Though I feel uncomfortable not trying too, because I think people will consider me rude.) So I always end up looking away quickly. When making eye-contact it feels like people can see beneath my outer shell and see how scared and nervous I am inside. Like they can see all my inner thoughts feelings that I keep hidden. The only people I'm comfortable making eye-contact with are; one of my half-sisters, my two nieces and my mum. But I can't make eye-contact with them if I'm talking about anything personal. :? (I feel uncomfortable talking about personal stuff more than anything else.)

 

[applesewer]

When making eye-contact it feels like people can see beneath my outer shell and see how scared and nervous I am inside. Like they can see all my inner thoughts feelings that I keep hidden.

yea, I agree...I feel like the eyes are a critical pressure point where all my social anxiety is focused to the worst degree....cause like I'm doing alright these days SA-wise...I'm much better, my mind's much freer and I can fake or force conversations if I need to, which might not be ideal but it helps me to at least function a bit more in the world....but one thing I'm still absolutely useless at is eye contact...I just become SOOO self conscious, I usually totally lose track of what we're talking about.

but I guess this fear is the same as any other fear, in that to defeat it you've just gotta take little pigeon steps and keep trying things out and gradually the fear will diminish...like you could try occasionally glancing at people's eye's when you're talking to them, rather than trying to stare at them, at first. And maybe don't worry too much about not making eye contact, just focus on getting the words right or something....cause you can still get things done and function adequately with verbal communication alone...eye contact is just ideal I suppose.

 

[Starry]

That's really good advice Worrywort.

It is something I could try, thanks.

 

[LittleMissScareAll]

I have no problem making eye contact with family members or people I'm talking to but if it's a stranger I'm just passing by or something...I usually don't even look at them at all, so of course I dont make eye contact. I usually just look down, or look past people...alot of times when I'm out places my mom or whoever's with me will mention someone(somebody looking at us or somebody who really stands out) I'll just be confused cause I didn't even see them.

 

[BornAgain]

yea, I agree...I feel like the eyes are a critical pressure point where all my social anxiety is focused to the worst degree........but one thing I'm still absolutely useless at is eye contact...I just become SOOO self conscious, I usually totally lose track of what we're talking about.

but I guess this fear is the same as any other fear, in that to defeat it you've just gotta take little pigeon steps and keep trying things out and gradually the fear will diminish...like you could try occasionally glancing at people's eye's when you're talking to them, rather than trying to stare at them, at first. And maybe don't worry too much about not making eye contact, just focus on getting the words right or something....cause you can still get things done and function adequately with verbal communication alone...eye contact is just ideal I suppose.

Me too, eye contact is the root of my SA, and it seems to get worse every day. I just don't know which eye to look at, and i feel more uncomfortable looking between the eyes than looking at them. I've just gone through too much trial and error that ive just practically given up now. I feel very uncomfortable when I'm talking to someone and theyre looking at me waiting for me to look at them. Does anyone notice that people feel just as uncomfortable as your or maybe even worse making eye contact with you? Most of the time when I actually make an effort to make eye contact with someone, they look away, as if they have SA also. When on ecstacy or cocaine, this eye contact thing is completly gone, although I do not recommend anyone use those as a remedy. But yeah, I really want to be able to solve this problem permenantly.

 

[DYiNG-iNSiDE]

ahhh i kno i hate that w/ ppl im close 2 i can make eye contact but if im uncomfortable around u or dont know u good i dont know where 2 look ill look in their eyes a sec then quickly look away and im just gonna start walking w/ my head down in the halls becuz like 2day i saw sum1 i kinda talk 2 but of course i dont say hi and we passed and he turned around and said "well hey 2 u 2!" and i hate when its not alot of ppl in the halls just u and sum1 else and ur bout 2 pass each other and its all quite i find that extremely akward god i wish i was a normal person - lmao

 

[Brad38]

You gotta give eye contact. It is the best form of communication. It really wasnt until I had the courage to look at people in the eye that my world opened up for me. I ccan look at people in the eye and know what they are feeling and thinkin. And I can communicate my feelings and not even uttering a word

 

[Brad38]

But!!!!
I think that eye contact can be used for the wrong purposes. Not to communicate, but intimidate. I have a troublesome colleague like that.

I just stare right back at him and tell him(non verbally) to f%ck off!

 

[shy_girl]

bye

 

[barodapride]

i'm pretty weird about eye contact. i can make good eye contact when talking to complete strangers but not people i know well. It's as if i can fake being someone else to strangers for a little while but people who know me well I just assume think I am a loser with poor social skills so i cant bear to look them in the eye. Also, making eye contact is hard when i'm at a public place like the gym where youre supposed to be minding your own business - its like getting caught staring at someone. I also think avoiding eye contact is an effective method to avoid talking to people (so it naturally gets reinforced by people with social anxiety) so if you want to meet people you gotta make eye contact! easier said than done =). I think it's all a matter or self confidence.

 

[BornAgain]

You gotta give eye contact. It is the best form of communication. It really wasnt until I had the courage to look at people in the eye that my world opened up for me. I ccan look at people in the eye and know what they are feeling and thinkin. And I can communicate my feelings and not even uttering a word

The problem I have is i don't know which eye to look at. And also sometimes, when im ready to make eye contact with someone, they either quickly look away or look at me very weirdly. I dont know if you had this problem but if you did, how did you overcome it?

 

[jrw4980]

Eye Contact is Distracting

I don't really much of a problem with eye contact. However, I seem to be able to speak more effectively if I don't make it as much. When I am constantly making eye contact I become distracted and lose my train of thought.

 

[red_reagel]

Yeah I hate doing it too, but you have to. Strangely I don't get as nervous looking straight into another student's eyes as I do with a teacher's.