Eye-contact: who else hates it?

[BornAgain]

I cant comfortably look into anyones eyes that I know most of the time. The only time it feels comfortable is when I'm looking at a girl. DAMN I hate this problem its ruined my life!

 

[frustr4t3d]

xx

 

[BornAgain]

i don't have much of a problem with eye-contact. but sometimes i'll intentionally look the other way or look down as i walk past a co-worker that i don't wanna talk to at the moment, so i'll do that so i don't draw attention to myself and have to bother with them. there's really only one person i have trouble making eye-contact with, and it's the girl that has a crush on me (i've had a crush on her too for a few months, heh... doesn't SA s*ck!?) usually when i walk past her, i'll look in the other direction (she does the same thing sometimes). but when we're more than about 50 feet from eachother i find it easier to make eye-contact with her, lol maybe it's cause at that distance i don't have to fear having to talk to her and making an ass of myself (which has been done before, lol )

Really, which eye do you look at when you make eye contact? My problem is just that, i forgot how to make eye contact, and now i focus on which eye i should look at, and other stupid things.... lol what'd u do to make a fool of yourself? you should just ask her out to the movies or something, if i had a crush on a girl and new she had one on me, i would have no problem asking her out. but thats just me, we all have good qualities to make up for our flaws.

 

[Brad38]

I`ll be honest. There was a time in my life, I could not tell you what a person really looked like. Looking at someone in the eye was hard for me, if not impossible. Think of it. If you don`t make eye contact, who is going hire you for any job? How are you ever going to develop any friendships or relationships. It is the most basic form of communication. And not using it means that you are pretty much shutout.
Look at it another way. If a person approaches you without any eye contact, what is the first thing that comes to your mind? Well thats what people think of you.
The world revolves around eye level, not at the creases on the floor

 

[Predacon]

Maybe Sunglasses are the answer Get yourself used to looking at people without them seeing you staring at them then gradually take the glasses off as you get more comfortable.

 

[red_reagel]

Anyone ever feel like when you look at people, they can read right through you? or it's very apparent that you're nervous. That's how i am! especially during presentations infront of the class or talking in groups. I blink a lot and I can't help feeling strange in the back of my head.

 

[frustr4t3d]

xx

 

[applesewer]

Maybe Sunglasses are the answer Get yourself used to looking at people without them seeing you staring at them then gradually take the glasses off as you get more comfortable.

that's a genius idea! could definitely help!

Really, which eye do you look at when you make eye contact?

I usually try my best to focus more on what the other person is saying and less on what eye to look at, or any other self concscious thought. I guess trying to focus outward more than inward might be the answer.

oh and Brad38...I find your posts really motivating...I think you're right, eye contact is important and if I could do it more I think I may feel less detached from the world and I might start connecting more with people...so thanks...your posts have really motivated me to give eye contact another try!

 

[BornAgain]

yeah brad, thanks alot. Ive been able to make eye contact with practically anyone now and had my first real length conversation on christmas (haven'y had one for about 1/2 year). My SA has extremely come down and soon i feel ill be completely cured. THanks for the help man

 

[Lonelyheart]

I hate eye-contact. I feel like I should make eye-contact and I try to, but I feel so uncomfortable doing it. (Though I feel uncomfortable not trying too, because I think people will consider me rude.) So I always end up looking away quickly. When making eye-contact it feels like people can see beneath my outer shell and see how scared and nervous I am inside. Like they can see all my inner thoughts feelings that I keep hidden.

I agree, and that is exactly why I have the most difficulty making eye contact with lovely ladies I don't know. Whenever a lovely lady looks into my eyes, my mind explodes with thought of happiness, peace, and love. In addition, my heart rate elevates, body begins to sweet, and breathing becomes rapid. I feel as though these thoughts and physical symptoms can be seen in my eyes, and will scare people away.

 

[thugaveli]

The only time i feel confident looking at someone elses eyes is if they are explaining something to me, but if i have to talk then i cant look at the person im talking to

Not that im listening to what the persons telling me it doesnt register lol i just agree with what they are saying just to pass the conversation more quickly

I dont think ive got enough brain power to actually acknowledge what someone is telling me, then for me to think about what they are saying and respond, AND getting anxious at the same time as looking at their eyes, thats way too much to take in!

 

[BornAgain]

dont u ever feel that a person thinks ur insane when ur just staring at them trying to completely take everything that they just said in? I do, at least, and i fucking hate it. I always notice that when i look at someones eyes, they look back and forth to each one of mine, and it makes me feel really uncomfortable. well, yeah.

 

[blight]

I would also want to know about anyone who has been "cured" of this feeling how they did it. Also, i would like to know if anyone had this problem, took Zoloft (or any other anti-depressant), and then it went away.

Funny you should say that, I used to take Zoloft and that did cure being uncomfortable with eye contact -- at least for awhile. It was actually the first thing I really noticed about its effects; I would be walking down the sidewalk in the city, passing a lot of people, and I felt totally fine looking at all of them. It wasn't in a weird or obsessed sort of way, just being totally comfortable looking everyone I passed straight in the face. It was an interesting experience. It seemed like my comfort level also rubbed off on everyone else I was around and I had a notion of what is possible through human connections.

I am not some kind of "pro-eye contact" type of person though, and that was only a very temporary experience. Usually I just think about what a weird convention it is in my culture at least that really demands an excessive amount of eye contact to satisfy social convention. In some way I feel it is unnatural to stare in people's eyes and in most species of animals it is a sign of aggression rather than anything else.

 

[alabanzai]

i'm pretty weird about eye contact. i can make good eye contact when talking to complete strangers but not people i know well. It's as if i can fake being someone else to strangers for a little while but people who know me well I just assume think I am a loser with poor social skills so i cant bear to look them in the eye.

i feel exactly the same way.

one of the tricks i use when i meet someone new is to only look at them when they are talking. a lot of people look away when they start to speak and then look back when you are talking, so if both people do this, you don't have to make eye contact as much. also, sometimes people will know you are listening if you look at their mouth/chin and nod a lot.

 

[Seta]

Adrenaline Rushes

Hi Everyone,

Well, in my case I sometimes get adrenaline rushes/jolts when someone is staring/looking at me during a conversation. This is usually when the person is an authority figure/boss. I've tried to deal with it by looking away, or sometimes thinking to myself that I'll be okay and meet their stare, to which I'm not always successful. Part of my problem might stem from an experience where I was falsely arrested for a serious crime and interrogated for three weeks with the threat of a 10-year prison term.

Seta