Eye contact causing my anxiety. Feel hopeless

[froghat]

I've struggled with social anxiety for almost 10 years (I'm 26) and nothing seems to be getting easier as I get older. My problem is I never feel comfortable making eye contact, so I never can connect with people. It's almost like they sense my nervousness right away by my eyes. I just started a new job and last week and I was called in for a meeting. My boss was explaining what I was gonna do for training and I tried to keep eye contact with him, but I sensed nervousness by him and couldn't hold it again. Another day I walked into a lunchroom and a group of people looked up a me. I never know where to look so I end up avoiding eye contact. I feel so paranoid and I'm never able to relax around people. It's like my nerves are on speed or something. It's getting so depressing... I feel like I will never enjoy life because of this paranoid eye contact problem. Everyday it's the same crap! I was on Paxil for a few years and that helped a bit, but I still had problems. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I make an effort, but my nerves are taking over my life. Anyone here have problems with eye contact? What do you do? I've had plenty of advice, but it seems when I focus on making eye contact, I just make other people nervous as well as me. It's like they can sense I'm trying extra hard or something. Anyways, if you have any comments, please post them. I'm beginning to think alcohol and drugs are the only way to feel somewhat normal and relaxed.

 

[froghat]

I forgot to mention something else. Sometimes I think I have OCD or something. For example, when I'm watching a tv in a room with other people or in a movie theatre, I can't focus and relax my eyes on the screen. They are darting all offer the place to the point I actually start feeling sick. Even at home when I'm watching a movie with my family, I'll catch myself outlining the 4 corners of the tv set over and over again with my eyes. I'm not sure if this is just anxiety or a combination of a bunch of things. It's like I can't focus on one thing, I have to look at 5 different things at once. dunno

 

[whitmo]

I've struggled with social anxiety for almost 10 years (I'm 26) and nothing seems to be getting easier as I get older. My problem is I never feel comfortable making eye contact, so I never can connect with people. It's almost like they sense my nervousness right away by my eyes. I just started a new job and last week and I was called in for a meeting. My boss was explaining what I was gonna do for training and I tried to keep eye contact with him, but I sensed nervousness by him and couldn't hold it again. Another day I walked into a lunchroom and a group of people looked up a me. I never know where to look so I end up avoiding eye contact. I feel so paranoid and I'm never able to relax around people. It's like my nerves are on speed or something. It's getting so depressing... I feel like I will never enjoy life because of this paranoid eye contact problem. Everyday it's the same crap! I was on Paxil for a few years and that helped a bit, but I still had problems. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I make an effort, but my nerves are taking over my life. Anyone here have problems with eye contact? What do you do? I've had plenty of advice, but it seems when I focus on making eye contact, I just make other people nervous as well as me. It's like they can sense I'm trying extra hard or something. Anyways, if you have any comments, please post them. I'm beginning to think alcohol and drugs are the only way to feel somewhat normal and relaxed.

I have that problem also at work and everywhere really. When my boss is talking to me I just continue to look down at papers or even at the computer screen. When I try to make eye contact it is like I am trying to hard and people notice it. This lady at work always ask me if I am ok. She knows something is wrong with me. Others are not so nice though. What I try to do now is have something in my hand like pen or something to squeeze on while people are up close talking to me. I am 27 and I feel like a 5 year old sometimes because of this.

 

[froghat]

Yeah, I think people can tell I have problems right off the bat by looking into my eyes. How does effect your dating life? Are you a loner like me? I wish I could date, but I don't even feel comfortable around office people, so a date would be a mess. It sucks, I feel trapped.

 

[whitmo]

I am a total loner. I see people hanging out at the mall or at work talking about going to the movies and I want to be apart, but they think I am a retard. I have no idea how I would date or even have a family of my own for that matter. I went shopping today and I could not even look directly at the lady rigging my order up.

 

[recluse]

Most of the time i have no trouble maintaining eye contact, it depends on the person. Some people intimidate me more than others. Sometimes i feel uncomfortable making eye contact with my family even.

 

[dottie]

i relate with your post. eye contact is so hard and awkward for me. my eyes are shifty and it makes people think that a) i'm untrustworthy or b) i'm mildly retarded and incompetent. i don't think eye contact is the cause of my social anxiety, rather a symptom which happens to feed into it. so much energy goes into avoiding eye contact vs trying to appear like you have "normal" eye contact. i know how exhausting being around people is with the eye contact panic. just got off of work and so i am feeling the sigh of relief to be in my own hideout.

aslo, the way you go around the 4 corners with your eyes... yeah i would consider that to be ocd. i don't do that specifically but i do other similar things.

wish i had advice.

 

[Ads7800]

It's hard to give advice on something I also have equal difficulty with, froghat. All I try to do is just maintain eye contact at all costs; however, on some days it is so much tougher than others.

I've noticed that when I seem timid and avoid eye contact that I'm not seen as worth talking to and people sometimes laugh or smirk in regards to my awkward behaviour. But, I've also noticed that when I just push through it and maintain eye contact, and appear focussed on what they are saying, that I'm taken more seriously and people don't smirk or laugh.

It is merely the appearance of confidence that seems to work with other people. I know that sounds so hard to pull off and indeed it is frightening. However, if you can muster up that courage and just maintain it, no matter how hopeless it feels, you'll begin to notice changes in the reactions of other people towards you.