CHAKRAPOINT
Well-known member
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today changed everything for me,usually i dont participate in family conversations as i stay in my room,and i was content at the status quo and fact that my family just thought that i was a recluse and we leave it at that,say our quick hellos and goodbyes, but today i decided to join in on the enthusiasm of my brother making $4,000 online.so we are talking and all of a sudden my mom swithches the topic to homosexuality and college students doing sexual favours for marks. .she doesnt condone with people being gay.first of all im not gay but whenever a topic such as homosexuality or anything to do with sex pops up i get nervous as i alredy know people think im gay or will compromise my ethics to get sex becuase i dont have a girlfriend but knowing myself i know im none of those. so while my mom was talking i "happend" to be inbetween my brother and my mom so wen the topic arose imy anxiety kicked in and my eyes started to water and tried to look as normal as possible but i could tell that on both my mom and my brothers faces that they could tell i was anxious about the topics. all that was going through my head was "why is it that the day i decide to interact with my family is the day that i am sitting at the centre of attention where everyone can see my reactions?" now my mom was giving me weird looks and i could tell that my brother was at least trying to not show his reactions to my facial expressions but now i cant help but feel like the place where i have my sanctuary (family home) is now going to be awkward as i am very sensitive to what people think about me especialy bad things but now mt family especially my mom is now looking at me differrent with distrust in her eyes. now i cant even feel comfortable in my own home.
Can I tell you a little story.
I grew up with decent parents. The only real problem is that I always felt they were a bit suffocating and idealistic. I felt the need to conform and was always afraid of disappointing them. When other friends were going through wild teenage years, I was busy being well behaved and introverted.
As I got older and I had a girlfriend, my mom would often remark that such a young person got pregnant and always came across as being disgusted.
Then, my girlfriend (now my wife) got pregnant. I wasn't too bothered that she was pregnant but what I did bother me was what my parent's reaction would be. I convinced myself they would be disgusted and disappointed in me.
Turned out when I told them that they weren't bothered in the least. My mother had noticed my withdrawn mood (more withdrawn than usual) and they'd been worried that I'd been messing with drugs.
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is not to assume what your parent's reaction will be. At the end of the day, they love you and want what's best for you and whatever issues you have, they'll more than likely want to help.
Granted I don't know your family personally or your specific situation, but it sounds to me like it is not SUCH a big deal to them, and that if you just play it off, or shrug it off, pretty soon things will return to the status quo. I really think this is one of those things that seems like it will never fix itself, but given time it will fade away.