extreme shyness

[abc1234]

what is it that causes shyness.I remember when i was a child i was a little shy but it didn't affect me all that much. I was sorta outgoing and had a nice group of friends throughout out my childhood and most of my teenage years.I was a pretty funny person and people seemed to like to be around me. i was never very confident but it didnt show to bad.But then something changed it started when i got to hs and has gotten worse as the time passed.I lost all my friends,have no goals or ambitions in life.Shyness has ruined my life it holds me back so much.Simple things are incredibly hard to do i constantly worry about stupid shit. Has this happen to any one else and were you able to over come it with out being pumped full of meds.

 

[random]

ABC123,
Hello. My situation - which I called shyness for many years - is similar in some ways to the way you describe your transition from childhood to HS etc. For me - that transition moved me from a place where as a child you are responding as a group of kids to the teacher etc. (and adults help you communicate when you can't) to the HS and up ages when you become more visible as an individual around other people and you are supposed to step forward, introduce yourself, speak up etc. and that's when I started to really struggle. I understand that the causes of things you describe in your life may have very different causes than the things that trouble me but I offer my comments here in case you find that some of the solutions are similar.
I waited a very very long time to realize that this really was a problem and not just my 'natural' personality so - it is taking a few years so far to repair my issues. Of the things that have helped me were my faith in God, therapy (I am seeing a psychologist), books and postings like this board, attending a social anxiety group for awhile, and yup - taking meds sometimes to get through the hardest parts. I have sometimes really benefitted from talking to people (friends) about my issues but I do tend to 'select' friends who have strong and difficult issues (like mine) so sometimes their own stuff prevents them from understanding mine. I am not on meds now - they were a short term help to me. I am getting better and the time I spend trying to overcome this has resulted in better quality of life as I try to get past this stuff; I am not over it yet but I benefit in many ways by trying and learning etc. Thanks for inviting input - it helps me and I hope something in my post might be useful to you too.

 

[abc1234]

thanks for commenting.I understand what you mean about how in hs how you are forced in to meeting people.My first yr i did ok was put in a smaller class in 9th grade because inn middle school i didn't do much work and goofed around to much.So it wasn't really that bad at all.I had made friends with alot of the people in my class and still wasn't extremly shy yet.But over the next yr or so is when i just shut down for some reason and just was became alot shyer then i was.But yeah it was really hard being trown in to the new sitiution and that what triggered it.

As far as meds i tried lexapro last year it didn't really seem to help that much.I'm sorta afraid to see a a shrink i still live at home and my parents don't know my situation really and i don't r wana admit that anything is wrong when i know something is.

 

[Richey]

Yeah! im incredibley shy around groups of people, in that ill say barely a sentence over a one hour period, because what happens is that everyone starts talking non stop and they get into this groove of conversation, alot of the time i have no idea how to respond because i genuinely dont know anything about the subject, i just feel that im not wired for interaction, im trying to overcome all this but i find people who are succesful and outgoing intimidating to me, because they are the ones that people want to be around in general society, thats the norm and the stereotype of the majority of the demograpghic.

I end up sitting around with a group, even family members and my eyes are zig zagging around the room, i become sweaty, nauteous, and then before you know it ive escaped, this is what its like sometimes.

Im with you in fighting it though, i want to hold on to some element of my shyness but right now im a borderline mute and i barely speak at all.

Thats what i need to overcome, as an adult i shouldnt be this withdrawn

 

[eggbe4thechicken]

Thank god, it is such a relief to know that there are other people like me. i used to be real outgoing, and be part of a strong group of friends, but i moved to a new school, and they promised they wouldn't forget about me, and really they are very good, only forget every so often. But my new school is a grammar school, and they only take the elite, which means that me, the non elite, gets treated like i'm stupid, and now i have become this really quiet girl with no friends. It's so frustrating, I never used to be shy, but now i can not have a normal conversation with anyone, even my parents, if i'm left with them, eating dinner, etc, i get really nervous.
Now i've even become shy around my old friends i try to get out of going out with them, so i know in the end i am just going to lose them as friends.
To top it all off, i'm 18, and never had a boyfriend, so the fact that i'm not attractive to guys causes me to be more shy around them, as i'm always thinking *why would they want to talk to me*, and try to get away so they won't look at me too much.
Oh and it seems that noone has noticed that i've become shy. ironic right?

 

[Clog]

I am in a very similar situation. When I moved to high school (I never went to Middle School) I wasn't that shy. I participated in lessons (as years 7's do!), and made friends relatively easily. By the time I reached year 9, I said nothing in any of my classes and found it very difficult to be part of any group conversations.

I'm now in year (Lower Sixth) and I can see the problem has got steadily worse. All but one of my teachers has spoken to me regarding my lack of participation in their class. They tell me they understand it's difficult but I willl benefit from contributing. I can see their point, but it's not as simple as me just being stubborn and just not talking. I can't make myself! The only lesson I speak involuntarily is RS, and I think that might be because there are only 5 of us, in total, in the room. Plus, I've always been quite good at it, so I'm not afraid of getting it wrong.

I understand your not speaking in an hour Richey. I've come outof several lessons going to myself 'I didn't say a word' and all my lessons are 1 hour 40 minute lessons! I also find that when I'm in groups I feel dizzy. This has got better since I've had my glasses, I think part of it was because my vision was a tad blurry, but I still get nervous and physically bunch myself up into a corner and watch things happen around me.

As for cameras and video camcorders, if I see one I'm right out of there!