Even This Forum Fails Me.

[cloaked]

i have it the worst. i can't even make friends online. that's how bad i am at social interaction. it is to the point where i avoid making friends online. i don't use any IM programs because i fear social interactions online. a internet forum is as far as i will go, even that is hard. i despise myspace and it makes me depressed to know that even people with SA have them. i think twice even when i make posts on this very forum. i feel i am still having to conform to some social standard on here. why is this? i often find myself re-wording the way i type things because i'm afraid i will come off as desperate or plain stupid. sometimes i purposely use bad grammar (ex: not capitalizing any letters) because i feel it gives a different tone that recieves a different reaction. sometimes i even decide not to post what i typed at the last second because i re-read it and start to think i sound ridiculous. does everything have to be a popularity contest? i know it's not this forum... it is me... i am so terrible... what's the point anymore??

 

[Sacrament]

Don't take everything too seriously and just be yourself. If you're not going to be yourself, who are you going to be?

 

[Therover]

I just started on MySpace and I don't have a lot of friends.

I'll make a deal with you, I'll add you as a friend (pm me for my link) and you can add me.

Every step is a little bit farther forward.

 

[Higolo]

Yo, i used to get the same problem/s as you man.
It may not seem it, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel (although it is difficult to see when you're at your lowest).

.. As you can tell, i'm not the 'agony uncle' type of person :roll:

 

[Y]

Hey,

Dont feel awkward, im sure many people here feel the same way as you do. I sometimes get anxious too when im chatting with someone online, its normal if you have SA. I too think twice before posting sometimes,
and edit my posts, thinking it was too ridiculous, or i get upset when my topic gets few replies. But that doesnt stop me from posting or chatting people online, i force myself to do so. And believe me it wears off in time. Youll get to like interacting with people online.

 

[Erythrocyte]

I sometimes get anxious too when im chatting with someone online, its normal if you have SA. I too think twice before posting sometimes,
and edit my posts, thinking it was too ridiculous, or i get upset when my topic gets few replies. But that doesnt stop me from posting or chatting people online, i force myself to do so. And believe me it wears off in time. Youll get to like interacting with people online.

Y is totally right.
It DOES wear off in time.. But when I get into the mindset of thinking "what if I say something wrong and everyone will just hate me, or make fun of me" I just say to my self "They don't know your real name, they can't locate you. You can just chance your accont and log on as someone else"
...I haven't actually done that, but just by having that option open as some kind of a security-thing makes me feel better about posting whatever comes to mind right then and there....

Plus.. In my experience with writing, I have found that often the first thing that pops into my head tends to make the most sence.... editing it wouldn't really make that much of a difference, and might just complicate things...

My therapist told me to do this exercise that I think might help you...
Imagine what will happen if you DO post something you think is stupid.. What is the worst thing that can happen?
And then try to give it a % of how likely is it that it will happen. (most often a low % chance... depending on anxiety level).
Then there is the hardest step... DO IT ... post something you think is "stupid" and see what happens.... I'm sure the people here will not react in the way you think they will..

I know it's hard to do, but it is sooo worth it in the end, believe me!
Hope to see your "stupid" post soon

 

[Johnny5]

I find it easier to socialise online but it is usually with people I already know, I tend to stick to my own online "crew" and I am the most awkward one if a new person comes in

 

[Richey]

i never use MSN unless i need to chat to someone, thats how intense my SA is, its the same with the telephone, although im actually more likely to use a telephone and people say i come across as confident on the phone, which is an odd contradiction :lol:

people reading this might ponder "why would someone who comes across as confident on the phone have social phobia, i still find socialising a frightening experiance, and im almost mute while being at Uni, the reason is because im not confident enough in my course(knowledge) and so im always second guessing, enough that i actually mumble, its a different side of me.

i have so many people that are always online sending me messages ...alot of them contain " inside jokes" ....and alot of the time if i cant think of a decent response ..i keep asking "what does this mean, please explain" ....for instance i entered a 3-WAY conversation with a friend i met and two strangers, it went smoothly but i found myself stuck in the middle of alien-lingo ...so it was a little awkward and i just left and made an excuse to leave, its nothing against them, its just that if im holding them back, then whats the point of me being there, in the end im the PaRtY PoOPeR! i just found it all a bit silly, they were asking me so many perverted personal questions and i hardly even knew them,, i suppose im more solitary then i first thought.

sometimes i'll receive a message and it will be almost be a hundred words, i know people who literally type out bibles for me to respond to 8O ...some days i can reply and others i just go blank or dont have the motivation/energy to respond properly :roll:

i would make a horrible salesmen, my honesty overshadows self promotion :lol: , but at least its honest, thats not to say i could never enjoy the MSN experiance, but i understand precisely what (cloaked) is saying.

my advice it to just give it a try, just be yourself, youll find many people go on an EGO trip with msn/messageboards, but there are some really cool down to earth people.

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

i have it the worst. i can't even make friends online.


...you just have. :wink:
Some people say that the thing that endears a person to someone is when a person is open about their weaknesses. ...Maybe this isn't always how things are. But it takes guts to admit to weakness -and when a person has faced it and is open about it, other people relax about all the weakness that they're afraid of having. I've seen people admit to insecurities that they have with others and all of a sudden everybody opens up and that person becomes something of a hero -the strong one because they can do something that others are too afraid to do.
So, don't think you're so afraid. They say that the strongest person is the one who has the least troube seeing and admitting that they aren't really strong. ...kind of twists everything around 8O !

Cuteandfluffy:
I am starting to have a great deal of respect for your honest simplicity.
I know one or two things about 'mental health', psychology etc... And if this actually brings me particularly closer to being cured from my anxiety -I can't say that it seems this way ...at least not yet.
So, keep-up trying to find the words to describe things and all of that good stuff (only don't fall into the trap of overthinking that I fall into too easily!) -AND don't for a moment ever lose your purity of heart.
Because if there is ONE thing that I do understand well about problem solving, psychology, etc -it is that a pure heart goes the furthest in everything and anything!!!!!

 

[XxXnikkiXxX]

hmmmm

well..... u over analylse to much!!!!! why do u care so much what over people think? u shouldnt! as that bloke said, dont rely on others to be happy, coz ull be disapointed!. sounds to me u have depression an all. i think u need to do some soul searching, ya no, this sonds weird, but rather than feeling all negativity, close ur eyes, and think of everything good in the world, when a baby is born, when a doctor brings someone back to life, when someone is cured of cancer. see? there is so much beuaty in the world, u never gonna feel it if u only wanna see the negative!!!!!

 

[Richey]

nikki, dont get me wrong i agree about the whole polyana/positivity thing, but its important to not supress sorrow either, emotions take on all colours right? and i dont mean being constantly sobby, cry a lake, but just be yourself, whether its happy/sad/enthusiastic/jokingly.

my advice to cloaked is to type without thinking it over too much and people will appreciate that your showing interest, as nikki says try not to care what others think, which is another contradiction because most people actually do care what others think even if they dont admit it, but try and not fear rejection so much.

not that i always practice what i preach :roll:

 

[yumms]

I use to have a bunch of online friends, then I lost contact with them one by one a few years ago. We had some awesome times online.

No I can't seem to make any online firends at all. Had real life firends too...lost contact with them too when I moved :/

 

[Screwdriver1020]

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