nope1
Well-known member
I just can't tell my emotions. And when I do, I feel worse. And when I don't, I feel like exploding.
I just can't have a normal friendship with someone. I need years to completely trust someone and saying what I want to say face 2 face is hard.
So I rely on text messages, but that's worse. Because that's just text supposing that you express yourself. But it just gets more and more wrong.
It's like if I express myself deep down... I feel a hell lot vulnerable, and if someone doesn't respond the way I suppose he'll react, I feel as if a knife has cut me.
So I normally say to myself "Who needs friends, I can survive alone, be independent, don't have to worry about the need about the other person." But then, I feel so lonely that I need to talk to someone.
But I've have a conversation with someone about I need to share my life, be more open and that person said that yes, you need to, because you can't be that boring person that nobody wants to copy.
That hurted me! I mean, am I really that boring?
And then I text messaged the person to say If I'm boring,
she said yes, I asked why? then that person said because she hates when I ask stupid questions like that.
Maybe I was wrong to ask that, maybe my self-confidence is SO low that I need the acknowledgment of other people in order to feel good about myself.
And I know is I don't know if the friendship with that person will ever be the same and that...
Sometimes, I feel as if I have the control of my destiny... that only lasts for a few hours before I go to sleep.
Then, I feel like shit, my emotions are messed up. I just don't @#$ know how to function in this life...
I've purchased a book called "The road less traveled" I just hope that what's in there makes sense.
But I don't know why for me, telling my emotions, telling how I feel is just so HARD. It's like if I prefer the friendship to be superficial.
Like "How are you, how was your day? What did you do? ah ok, Bye"
I just CAN'T let people in my world, in my life. I only HAVE ONE person, a best friend for whom I consider like a brother and that I can tell him anything.
Sorry if this appeared long...
I just can't have a normal friendship with someone. I need years to completely trust someone and saying what I want to say face 2 face is hard.
So I rely on text messages, but that's worse. Because that's just text supposing that you express yourself. But it just gets more and more wrong.
It's like if I express myself deep down... I feel a hell lot vulnerable, and if someone doesn't respond the way I suppose he'll react, I feel as if a knife has cut me.
So I normally say to myself "Who needs friends, I can survive alone, be independent, don't have to worry about the need about the other person." But then, I feel so lonely that I need to talk to someone.
But I've have a conversation with someone about I need to share my life, be more open and that person said that yes, you need to, because you can't be that boring person that nobody wants to copy.
That hurted me! I mean, am I really that boring?
And then I text messaged the person to say If I'm boring,
she said yes, I asked why? then that person said because she hates when I ask stupid questions like that.
Maybe I was wrong to ask that, maybe my self-confidence is SO low that I need the acknowledgment of other people in order to feel good about myself.
And I know is I don't know if the friendship with that person will ever be the same and that...
Sometimes, I feel as if I have the control of my destiny... that only lasts for a few hours before I go to sleep.
Then, I feel like shit, my emotions are messed up. I just don't @#$ know how to function in this life...
I've purchased a book called "The road less traveled" I just hope that what's in there makes sense.
But I don't know why for me, telling my emotions, telling how I feel is just so HARD. It's like if I prefer the friendship to be superficial.
Like "How are you, how was your day? What did you do? ah ok, Bye"
I just CAN'T let people in my world, in my life. I only HAVE ONE person, a best friend for whom I consider like a brother and that I can tell him anything.
Sorry if this appeared long...