Embarassed about Sexuality

[Anonymous]

Hello all,

I´m so happy to have found this site. It´s really wonderful to have a forum where we can support and help each other to live full and beautiful lives.

My social phobia revolves around being embarassed about sexuality. I either go very, very red (or intensely fear doing so) whenever 1) the topic arises in conversation, 2) I find someone attractive, or 3) I sense that others find me attractive.

My phobia has become a source of increased and obsessive preoccupation now that I am getting married. I have a wonderful finance, and I love him to pieces. However, I´m worried about blushing in front of and being attracted to other people. Any comments, suggestions, thoughts?

--Scarlett

 

[Anonymous]

thats excellent that you've found someone! congratulations! I have the same problem... only much worse, because i go red even when i'm talking to one person about anything! with your problem: i think that you should spend more time with your fiance, just the two of you. focus on your partner instead of worrying about who finds you attractive. Whenever someone brings up the topic of your sexuality, answer in a clean cut and forward way and then direct a question at someone else so the focus isnt on you. well i hope that works! remember! you only live life once so enjoy it!

 

[blueshyness]

Hi, i'm 20/male and have a similar problem to you. Problem is I don't think i'll ever find a girlfriend as I'm too scared to talk to them for fear of making a fool out of myself. (the blushing causes this)

 

[Ulee2501]

get a girl

looks like you got a catch 22. think about what you can do to help it . Or find a girl with social phobia like i have through my sisters friend or anyone you can feel more comfortable with?

 

[Anonymous]

blushing and sexuality

hi
i used to have this problem,ir really cripled me socially.like most forms of sp it is based on a fear of being percieved negatively by another.for some reason in ur head u may thinh u are sexually inferior.with me it was late physical development and also i was shy around girls and was afraid people would think iwas gay.u should work on ur inner thoughts-challenge them-u have nothing to be embarrased about in ur sexuality-alss dont hide ur blushing like i did it feeds the fear and makes it worse.contact me for more advice if u want

 

[Anonymous]

From Panama, Central America

Hi,


My name is Julio and I live in Panama City, Central America. My problem is excesive blushing. Even if I'm going to tie my shoes, a blush may arise(even being alone). Of course, over the years this has caused me to avoid certain social situations and fight with anxiety every day, but I'm convinced the physical tendency to blush easily was first, not a symptom of social phobia in my case. In some other cases, social phobia started before the blushing. I've read many testimonial about social phobics and about blushers and even though it's related, it's not the same thing. Please visit http://www.esfbchannel.com/index.php or the web page of "the red mask foundation". If any of you would like to chat with me, my messenger is [email protected]. God bless you all.

 

[Anonymous]

Hi Red!

I had the same problem. What I did was talk more about it with other people. I still am still kinda of a prude but it doesn't embarrass me as much as more. I tell my friends, "Hey, this woman looks really attractive."but that doesn't mean I'm going to date her or will make attempts to date her in the future. To me it just means that I just I like the way the woman looks or acts around me.
I think it is natural to feel attracted to other people and to feel alittle excitement when other people find you attractive. There is nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about it. However, when you give that person you're number when you're in a long-term relationship, that's another thing......You know what I mean?

 

[Anonymous]

i blush so bad it feels my head is going to set on fire, it happens everytime i speak to som1. even close friends and relatived. i can even just be thinking of an embarrassing situation and il go red even if im on my own. i hate it, no one seems to understand how much it effects my life, i just want to cry so much ...




xx

 

[AnxiousRich]

Blushing

OMG, you are all suffering from the same problem as myself.
Before my medication, I would blush for no reason at all, especially around women. But, I have learnt something over the years.
If you can laugh off the blushing and the nerves and explain to the girl what is happening, they will usually understand, and usually feel flattered that you are being honest with them.
Any one got any other helpful tips?
Richard, England.

 

[Amycakes05]

Oh my gosh..........

I have the EXACT same problem. It takes over my entire life!!!! I dont even know what to say, or how to explain it, but i just HAD to post because this is what is taking over my life in a horrible way! And, im going through it RIGHT now with guys, and ex's who want to get back together. Im just not the same person anyone and i cant tell them why.......
~Amy

 

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you ladies are obsessed with men and obsessed with sex. Sounds good!

 

[Melodyz]

celebrate your sexuality. embrace it. its like part of yourself so just enjoy it. its free. why be embarrassed?

Yes yes I argee!

 

[stephiieen]

ok, i have the same problem too. Ive come to realize over the awful years that people just dont seem to care. Ive gotten some really hot girls just because i blush. They think its cute ppphhhhh lol. You just cant care, dont fight blushing, and dont try to make it happen. Blow off your first thoughts about it. Some need help with this, go to www.hypnosisdownloads.com and then self-improvement, then blushing. I cant stress this enough in the other posts, the power of the unconcious mind is incredible. Just pay $9.00 and your problems will slowly fade away. It basically stabs blushing in the heart till all the blood is gone and theres none left to rush to your face. Just kidding, it makes your unconcious mind react to situations differently than you did before, making you more calm and relaxed.

Now, when i blush i either enjoy it, or dont even notice it. And when you have the mindset i have, you blush rarely, only when blushing is supposed to happen, if you trip, or if you fart really loud in class or something.

 

[erdie]

Re: blushing and sexuality

hi
i used to have this problem,ir really cripled me socially.like most forms of sp it is based on a fear of being percieved negatively by another.for some reason in ur head u may thinh u are sexually inferior.with me it was late physical development and also i was shy around girls and was afraid people would think iwas gay.u should work on ur inner thoughts-challenge them-u have nothing to be embarrased about in ur sexuality-alss dont hide ur blushing like i did it feeds the fear and makes it worse.contact me for more advice if u want

Tucker25 I have to agree with you, I am 40 now but when I was younger I coudn't talk to girls and all my mates were getting girlfriends and I wasn't and I think people thought I was gay, which I found embarrasing.
But for some reason it has got even worse lately though, I work with a gay bloke and someone at work said something about the 2 of us being an item and I went bright, bright red. I told my wife and daughter about this when I got home from work and went red again, now I think that I have somehow got this into my mind about going red over this subject that if someone mentions gays around me or on the tv I go red as I think my wife is looking at me accusingly. I have not got anything against gay people but I have never had any gay feelings so I don't know why this is happening.

 

[HH]

I can relate to this problem as well. I work in a company that has mainly women and whenever the subject of relationships is talked about (which is pretty much all the time ) my face goes red, I hate it. I think the problem is is that I'm hiding a dark secret that I don't want them to know and when they talk about relationships I have to pretend to know about this stuff and that I'm normal and I've had girlfriends-when I haven't, and I'm not exactley young. this sucks

 

[HH]

the deep dark secret is that i've never been in a relationship, so when the topic of relationships comes up I have to make excuses/lie/bullshit. I had to do that other day when i was asked about my first girlfriend-i completely bull crapped about it, said i had one and such. Hell i'm not going to say that i've never had a girlfriend, even though the person who asked me is very understanding and we're friends. Sometimes its easier and less painful just to lie.

I feel its been getting worse over the years. Like you i sometimes blush when on the phone, sometimes when paying for stuff, if my boss talks to me or sits next to me, the list is endless. This is even holding me back in getting a better job (and other aspects of life). I've tried hypnotherapy for my confidence/blushing but that did bugger all. I can manage to get through the day but it really annoys me sometimes.

 

[HH]

the deep dark secret is that i've never been in a relationship, so when the topic of relationships comes up I have to make excuses/lie/bullshit. I had to do that other day when i was asked about my first girlfriend-i completely bull crapped about it, said i had one and such. Hell i'm not going to say that i've never had a girlfriend, even though the person who asked me is very understanding and we're friends. Sometimes its easier and less painful just to lie.

I feel its been getting worse over the years. Like you i sometimes blush when on the phone, sometimes when paying for stuff, if my boss talks to me or sits next to me, the list is endless. This is even holding me back in getting a better job (and other aspects of life). I've tried hypnotherapy for my confidence/blushing but that did bugger all. I can manage to get through the day but it really annoys me sometimes.

 

[HH]

Hi krs2snow. Thanks for the advice. Sorry to hear about your relationship problems, I hope things get better. You have made some good points. My head hurts now from thinking too much!!
I don't think I've ever really tried to delve into why i haven't had a relationship, maybe you can help. I think a lot of it for me comes down to a fear of humiliation, when I'm embarrassed or in a difficult position my face goes red and I hate it. I feel like I'm not like other people (inferiour, i guess). This has then led to me avoiding such situations, or try to get out of certain situations really fast- like approach women, asking for phone numbers etc. Even if I know someone likes me -it completely freaks me out (like if a girl is in a store looking at me, and I could tell she likes me) although this only happens once in a blue moon.
Maybe I do consciously choose not to have a relationship for various reasons. Its just explaining that to other people without them thinking I'm very strange (lets face it-its not normal). I don't want to lie, but if i tell the truth then i'm going to blush big time-my head might actually explode with this one ha, ha. I don't know, maybe its just a case of facing the fear and doing it and not be such a big wuss.

 

[2Crowded]

Yup... red face problem.... that's me.

Not so often anymore though as I avoid most all situations where I think it may happen.

When I was in my teens I even went so far as to put on skin colored make-up on my cheeks to try to keep my face from showing red. That realy made me feel even worse as I was always worried someone would notice I had make-up on. (I am a dude by the way)

 

[herringman1]

UNREAL...when i read these Forums its just like reading about myself..We are all in different parts of the world but whats happing to you has already happened to me a thousand times..as Snow knows im 61 years old so been through it and still going through it...But as you get older you will learn little tricks to avoid certain events..my whole life has been based on how to get through the day and the next meeting,breakfast,dinner,supper,visit from someone,shopping,,the list goes on and on...but i keep fighting..God bless you all