Emailing a new person

[aj]

Hi I've started talking to a girl who I've never met via email. I don't know if she's even looking for anyone. It's probably a daft question, but what could I do to make it more interesting? As I don't really have a life or much experience with conversations I don't know what to add to it... it's just going to get stuck in an endless loop of talking about college and work. I know there's sport and TV shows but it all seems so ordinary, and anyway, then what? Any ideas?

 

[Danfalc]

Hi I've started talking to a girl who I've never met via email. I don't know if she's even looking for anyone. It's probably a daft question, but what could I do to make it more interesting? As I don't really have a life or much experience with conversations I don't know what to add to it... it's just going to get stuck in an endless loop of talking about college and work. I know there's sport and TV shows but it all seems so ordinary, and anyway, then what? Any ideas?

Ask her about herself... find out her intrests and stuff,I think girls appreciate it when you take the time to really get to know them and take a genuine intrest instead of just trying to hit on them.Humor is always good aswell... if you can make each other laugh thats a good start Another thing is speak to girls like you would anyone else...I know that might sound a bit random.. but alot of guys make a big issue out of speaking to girls..Just be yourself sorta thing and you should be fine.Good luck man!

 

[joeljjison]

Its the internet like Dan says find out what her interests are, find out about her life. It'll paint you a bigger picture, and as you get to know her better, she may reciprocate, and you'll get a more open thing going on where you start asking each other 'how was this' , 'how was that', or cracking jokes about each others friends, enemies or acquaintances, teachers, wildlife, parents, siblings whatever...

the basic thing is if your limited to talking about sports and tv shows, you need to find out more about her. that is where i would start. maybe try to allow yourself to go off on tangents, if when your writing about something , it evokes some thought, write it down. she might find it interesting or funny

thats just generic suggestions for getting to know somebody... how i would. dont know how you want to take that..

 

[aj]

Thanks guys, I thought it would be a good idea to ask.

It's just the same as in real life... I can ask questions about things but I have no idea how actually to form an attachment with someone. Never done it

 

[Danfalc]

Thanks guys, I thought it would be a good idea to ask.

It's just the same as in real life... I can ask questions about things but I have no idea how actually to form an attachment with someone. Never done it

Just keep trying I know its hard with social phobia... but im sure your actualy a cool guy if you give people the chance to get too know you and let down your guard.Dont be too hard on yourself either... not everyone you meet is going to become a friend ect and it does take 2 people too build any form of relationship up... even an email one.

You will meet someone eventualy with whom it just comes easy and natrual and you wont even have to try.Let us know how it goes and good luck.

 

[joeljjison]

Don't think about trying to form an attachment. Just act in a way you won't regret your actions, then an attachment may or may not form, naturally. It won't come about by thinking about it. Just hang in there, and be yourself.. and don't condemn yourself for that

 

[aj]

I guess. I know you don't make friends with everyone but there must be somebody out there. I wish I knew where :|

 

[Danfalc]

I guess. I know you don't make friends with everyone but there must be somebody out there. I wish I knew where :|

There will be bro... just keep looking.I have so many issues its untrue... I never thought id get a girl to look at me twice but i met my gf of 3 years off this site.Ive made some really good friends off here aswell,not many and its taken me years but the odd one i have made are really special friendships yknow.You just have to keep trying.

Have you written that girl and email yet and has she got back to you?

 

[aj]

You just have to hope don't you. How much longer I can hope I don't know :roll:

Yes, I've sent her another one but she only seems to answer on Thursdays and Fridays, I guess she does it in a class at college. In fact I didn't find her on a dating website or anything, I just looked for single girls near me on AOL, so I expect soon she'll ask me why I contacted her in the first place. Unless it's normal for people to just start talking like that? I was intending on being completely honest, I hope that's a good thing.

 

[Danfalc]

You just have to hope don't you. How much longer I can hope I don't know :roll:

Hehe...Sometimes its when your not looking you find it.And yeah its totaly normal for people to just start talking like that... Id be honest about how you found her,but i wouldnt make it blatantly obvious your looking for love and your hoping shes gonna be the one :lol: .. id say your just looking to get to know people who live near you and you found her profile intresting or somthing Then see how it goes from there.

I think most good relationships start from friendships... so id just concentrate on that for now.Keep us updated man.Hopefully as you get to know her more she will start to reply more frequently.

 

[aj]

She's still talking to me which is nice. It turns out that she's a roughly 45 minute drive from me but there you go.

I don't know where it's all going though. I did tell her that I started talking to her because I wanted to talk to someone new. This is still very, very early days but when do you start to talk about meeting up? Obviously I know she may not want to meet up at all and there's no reason why she would. I'm only hoping she might.

It also turns out that she's 18 in ten days 8O she said she will have nobody to go to the pub with and I'm tempted to say I'll go with her (and no, not to get her drunk) :lol:

 

[Dave_McFadden]

She's still talking to me which is nice. It turns out that she's a roughly 45 minute drive from me but there you go.

I don't know where it's all going though. I did tell her that I started talking to her because I wanted to talk to someone new. This is still very, very early days but when do you start to talk about meeting up? Obviously I know she may not want to meet up at all and there's no reason why she would. I'm only hoping she might.

It also turns out that she's 18 in ten days 8O she said she will have nobody to go to the pub with and I'm tempted to say I'll go with her (and no, not to get her drunk) :lol:

You're hoping she wants to meet up, and she's giving you an "opening". At the very least, you could ask if she wants you to take her to the pub to celebrate. If she says no, well then you're still friends. She still has no one to go with, but you tried.

 

[aj]

I don't know. Without actually posting her email here as a bit of respect to her, the exact thing she said was that she'll be going down the pub with her mates as soon as she's 18, but she'll probably have to wait another half a year to be able to get a good crowd that's old enough to go with.

As much as I want it to be an opening, I'm not sure if it was. I could always mention it jokingly I suppose.

Thanks for the step by step guide, I'm learning, hopefully :lol:

 

[aj]

I thought I'd messed it up but she got back to me yesterday and said that her computer was playing up, so thank god for that. Didn't say anything about my semi-serious mention of taking her out though.

I don't know where this is going... it seems that she can only get to a computer once or twice a week, so I can't really ask to chat over the internet... what do you think she'd do if I gave her my phone number at some point? It's so hard to tell what people are thinking over the internet, I mean I started this and I don't think she'd be expecting it at all.

 

[Dave_McFadden]

I thought I'd messed it up but she got back to me yesterday and said that her computer was playing up, so thank god for that. Didn't say anything about my semi-serious mention of taking her out though.

I don't know why I get this impression, but I'm guessing that your "semi-serious" suggestion probably completely escaped her notice.

I don't know where this is going... it seems that she can only get to a computer once or twice a week, so I can't really ask to chat over the internet... what do you think she'd do if I gave her my phone number at some point? It's so hard to tell what people are thinking over the internet, I mean I started this and I don't think she'd be expecting it at all.

If you're going to talk about phone numbers, you might as well ask her for hers. If she doesn't want to give you her number, she probably wouldn't accept yours either. Or, she'll accept it but not call, in which case you're back to square one. That's what you're supposed to do as a man. <Ducks>

If she gives you her number, then call her about going to the pub sometime. After all, she did say she might have trouble getting up a good crowd to go with for about half a year or so, so you could hang out and get to know her better in the meantime.

...(and no, not to get her drunk)

Don't worry, we trust you.