I haven't even been looking or thought of looking for a long time. It's because I don;t know who I am anymore, or what my personality is, I think I'd get laughed at.
Some days I'll wake up in a great modd, be really confident & talkative, then something happens that drags me right back down. Thing is, when I act confident I tend to feel immense guilt and shame about it later because I see it as me acting like an idiot & embarassing myself. Every single time I get drunk I spend the entire day after going over everything I said & driving myself crazy with shame.
My friends have started thinking I might be gay & find it weird that I don;t seem to show an interest in getting a gf, I really wish I could, but I can;t even imagine having someone who loves me, knows everything about me and accepts me. I don't trust girls, or anyone else for that matter, so yeah with me its sort of impossible, which makes me think it'd be best to get rid of my last mate and stop seeing my brother so I don't look weird to anyone, & can get on with things without being judged.