Does anyone else have trouble speaking to people?

[roopzie]

My form of social anxiety is centred around conversing with people.

I often struggle to make conversation as I don't really know what to say. I think what I will say will be boring, uninteresting, or that the people I'm talking to will laugh, ignore or interrupt what I'm saying. This worrying does in fact cause it to happen- people don't listen to me, and I find it hard to converse as I'm thinking so much about it. I end up mute most of the time as the fear consumes me. I feel even worse if there are people who are very socially skilled/good-looking during my interaction.

As I can't have a decent conversation with people, I can't build relationships, then I feel depressed because I'm so lonely. It's an annoying vicious circle and I can't seem to get out of it.

Anyone know what I can do? It's safe to say its ruining my life.

 

[ashley90]

yeah i know exactly how you feel.

 

[Lorraine Manca]

pick a personality, any personality, and run with it. i think our problem is we are too honest and if everyone were sincere and true, the world would be a quieter place and not nearly as smooth. its really hard to think of what you want to say, but its easy to think up what sarcastic sara, girly person, logical lou, would say and say that. really its reduced my anxiety by half to pretend to be someone else entirely and i can hold conversations fine when i could never do it before. its what everyone else does anyway, we just didnt get the memo that your supposed to play pretend. i dont know about being close to people though, havent figured that one out. i know all this sounds silly, but its really true at least for me.

 

[Emily_G]

I'm different, roopzie. I usually have stuff I want to say...but am afraid to say it because I know/think I will stutter on it. ::

 

[PhantomPod]

Yep, I know exactly how you feel. Also, I have a hard time when I start to speak, like, I will get tongue tied as i try to start my first sentence. It's weird. I just have to take a deep breath before I start speaking or else I'll trip over all my words.

 

[aisme]

i'm dealing with exactly the same thing. i'm too afraid/shy to talk to people, even to my own friends who i've known for years. most of the time my mind just goes blank i dont know what to say / talk about and even if i have something to talk about i'm afraid people will respond negatively. like they would laugh at it, or even worse, just ignore it because they think what i say is weird or not important.
and when i talk...i stutter and in incoherent sentences, which frustrates myself, so when i finally speak, i usually just cut it short and never quite manage to convey what i really mean to say....

sorry for my poor english, btw::

 

[writer75]

This website provides some comfort for me, knowing that I'm not alone. I definitely would not wish social phobia on anyone though.It's a tough thing to deal with, to say the least. My name's Lee, by the way, nice to meet y'all.

 

[CC81]

I have this problem too, even around close friends.

 

[Green_Day_fan]

Yeah. I so relate to this. I always feel like trembling, if i'm trying to strike up a conversation with a stranger. I think i fear that i might be boring somewhat, so i don't always know what to talk about. I'm a shy person regardless. I try to use my sarcastic sense of humor. Normally that helps, cos then you give them something to laugh at, rather than feeling awkward. Not that just anyone will laugh at whoever's sense of humor, but maybe try adding humor, to lighten the load.

 

[bigcat1967]

You might want to keep pressing on - talking to more people. When you are talking to them - when the negative thinking comes up - stop them and replace them w/ positive.

 

[Entangled]

Yeah. I get super nervous even THINKING about talking to people, and I don't know why. I know there's nothing really to be afraid of but I still am this way.

 

[Sial Axetder]

Uhm, ... this a trick question? It is right?

Yes, speaking to people is a bit of trouble. Exposure does work. --> You have to keep at it, though. Force self, better.

Easiest route found: Get a job that forces you to speak to people. Three years later, much better I have become. Some may take longer or not at all. Keep at it. Can be done.

 

[NewtoThis]

Yeah, Axetanalds or whatever is right. I'm terrible at conversation but I've been working at a customer service job with some eccentric/fun employees for over a year and I'm getting a little better. If I experience something really odd at work (which is often) then I find it easier to tell other people about.

My side of conversations are choppy and usually meant to be entertaining (which is really off-putting when people don't laugh) but most people just think that makes me quirky and I can pull it off.

Just keep taking the plunge and saying anything you can to get yourself accustomed to conversation-- then you can refine it later.