I posted this exact same question on yahoo answers( i've addeded a little more detail in this post though ), with the response that I do have OCD, but I found this forum and thought it would be a better place for help considering it's dedicated to OCD, anyway I just want to know if I truly do have OCD and some suggestions on what I should do to help myself , and if anyone can relate with me. Since I haven't been diagnosed by a doctor considering I haven't gone to see one, I just want some good insight so I don't go to the doctor and look like a complete fool.
Anyway my history. When I was 13 I woke up one day and just had horrible depression for no reason at all. Everything felt off to me and that was first time I thought about the idea of suicide (I never have planned it out but I have thought about it allot) I also think this might have been the first signs of my OCD/depression. That went away about after a month and now I will lead into why I think I may have OCD up to this point. About my first semester of college for no reason at all I would get these weird quirks in my brain, for example I always had my friend repeat what he said more than once, and If I didn't have him repeat what he said I felt like I missed extremely vital information even though we could have been talking about Ice Cream or something not extremely important. I would feel a sudden surge of depression and doom if I didn’t have him repeat himself. There would be times to during college that if I looked at someone the wrong way I would feel like they were totally going to kick the crap out of me even though they didn’t know me and I didn’t know them. I would dwell for a couple of days if that person was going to beat me up and then I thought one of my professors thought that I was stealing class materials because I gave him a weird look ( even though I didn’t give him a weird look, I just thought I did). My OCD isn’t so much compulsive but it's more obsession I think. I have compulsions as well, like sometimes I check my guitar amp to see if it's turned off more than once, because If I don’t I will feel like the amp will explode and burn my whole house down, and sometimes If I wear the wrong clothes I feel something unlucky will happen to me. My obsessions are the main part though and they have escalated. Another background story, please stick with me, anyway I would smoke pot once in a while my first semester, because It was fun and it would make me forget about my worries. I'm such an uptight person and I get very good grades, so I said to myself hey a little weed isn’t gonna hurt right? Well yes, I was driving one day after I smoked a little weed, which I have done numerous times and a state cop pulled me over and I got a DUI.I had to go to Jail and my parents wouldn’t bail me out for a day. Since being in jail my OCD has risen to another level. I've been thinking about all these criminal activities, like what happened if I murdered someone on accident or raped someone in my past. Very deep down I know I haven’t done anything horrible in the past but with my OCD (which I'm pretty sure I have) I get negative thoughts lodged into my brain and I just can’t shake them, I feel so guilty and messed up about these negative things I think. 24/7 I'm worrying about if I did something completely wrong in the past. There was also a time when someone broke into my house and stole my laptop. For some reason I thought the thief’s were loading child porn into my computer, and I felt society was trying to screw me over in some weird way and I sometimes I feel like someone is spying on me or checking my computer files. Like I feel if I don’t have a full memory or possession over something, that something awful has happened to that item or event or person. I have this negative pathological doubt that I just can’t shake. For about 5 months I have been trying to battle this without meds but it's not working to well.
My latest OCD has been about a gas situation. Me and my friend were riding four wheelers and his 4 wheeler ran out of gas. So I put some gas into his four wheeler, but then I had a thought where it was like what happened if I put in the wrong type of gas and the 4 wheeler exploded and I killed my friend, and it was just all my fault. Even though nothing happened to my friend at all I feel like I should have double checked the gas. I've heard of veichles not working properly if putting the wrong type of gas in them, I have never heard of them exploding, but that "what if factor" always sticks to me. I feel like somethings need extreme examination or that person is going to die or I'm going to die.
ALso does anyone have any OCD that is just so odd and wierd they honesltly can't tell anyone because it's to complicated , and even yourself doesn't understand why your having OCD over it. Also sometimes I worry if I have schizophrenia because sometimes I can't determine if I've really hurt someone , i feel so scared about the "what if" and it just becomes so real to me, sometimes I aslo feel like the government or someone is spying on me , or somehow I'm linked into a criminal activity.
Another OCD I have is when I look at porn on occasion like I feel like I'm hurting the person by masturbating to them and I feel like such a huge pervert for ever masturbating. I don't know if thats even a OCD, or some wierd mental pattern of mine.
The part that pisses me off the most is that I never try to loathe in self pity and I'm a very level headed person but with this OCD I just feel so helpless. Also I've heard that marijuana can help OCD but I obviously can't do that now. Is there a way to cure OCD naturally, or do I have to go see a doctor and take meds. Sorry for the long post, I just feel really messed up right now and your help would be greatly appreciated and can anyone relate with anyhting I'm saying because no one I know personally has OCD and I feel very isolated at times.
Anyway my history. When I was 13 I woke up one day and just had horrible depression for no reason at all. Everything felt off to me and that was first time I thought about the idea of suicide (I never have planned it out but I have thought about it allot) I also think this might have been the first signs of my OCD/depression. That went away about after a month and now I will lead into why I think I may have OCD up to this point. About my first semester of college for no reason at all I would get these weird quirks in my brain, for example I always had my friend repeat what he said more than once, and If I didn't have him repeat what he said I felt like I missed extremely vital information even though we could have been talking about Ice Cream or something not extremely important. I would feel a sudden surge of depression and doom if I didn’t have him repeat himself. There would be times to during college that if I looked at someone the wrong way I would feel like they were totally going to kick the crap out of me even though they didn’t know me and I didn’t know them. I would dwell for a couple of days if that person was going to beat me up and then I thought one of my professors thought that I was stealing class materials because I gave him a weird look ( even though I didn’t give him a weird look, I just thought I did). My OCD isn’t so much compulsive but it's more obsession I think. I have compulsions as well, like sometimes I check my guitar amp to see if it's turned off more than once, because If I don’t I will feel like the amp will explode and burn my whole house down, and sometimes If I wear the wrong clothes I feel something unlucky will happen to me. My obsessions are the main part though and they have escalated. Another background story, please stick with me, anyway I would smoke pot once in a while my first semester, because It was fun and it would make me forget about my worries. I'm such an uptight person and I get very good grades, so I said to myself hey a little weed isn’t gonna hurt right? Well yes, I was driving one day after I smoked a little weed, which I have done numerous times and a state cop pulled me over and I got a DUI.I had to go to Jail and my parents wouldn’t bail me out for a day. Since being in jail my OCD has risen to another level. I've been thinking about all these criminal activities, like what happened if I murdered someone on accident or raped someone in my past. Very deep down I know I haven’t done anything horrible in the past but with my OCD (which I'm pretty sure I have) I get negative thoughts lodged into my brain and I just can’t shake them, I feel so guilty and messed up about these negative things I think. 24/7 I'm worrying about if I did something completely wrong in the past. There was also a time when someone broke into my house and stole my laptop. For some reason I thought the thief’s were loading child porn into my computer, and I felt society was trying to screw me over in some weird way and I sometimes I feel like someone is spying on me or checking my computer files. Like I feel if I don’t have a full memory or possession over something, that something awful has happened to that item or event or person. I have this negative pathological doubt that I just can’t shake. For about 5 months I have been trying to battle this without meds but it's not working to well.
My latest OCD has been about a gas situation. Me and my friend were riding four wheelers and his 4 wheeler ran out of gas. So I put some gas into his four wheeler, but then I had a thought where it was like what happened if I put in the wrong type of gas and the 4 wheeler exploded and I killed my friend, and it was just all my fault. Even though nothing happened to my friend at all I feel like I should have double checked the gas. I've heard of veichles not working properly if putting the wrong type of gas in them, I have never heard of them exploding, but that "what if factor" always sticks to me. I feel like somethings need extreme examination or that person is going to die or I'm going to die.
ALso does anyone have any OCD that is just so odd and wierd they honesltly can't tell anyone because it's to complicated , and even yourself doesn't understand why your having OCD over it. Also sometimes I worry if I have schizophrenia because sometimes I can't determine if I've really hurt someone , i feel so scared about the "what if" and it just becomes so real to me, sometimes I aslo feel like the government or someone is spying on me , or somehow I'm linked into a criminal activity.
Another OCD I have is when I look at porn on occasion like I feel like I'm hurting the person by masturbating to them and I feel like such a huge pervert for ever masturbating. I don't know if thats even a OCD, or some wierd mental pattern of mine.
The part that pisses me off the most is that I never try to loathe in self pity and I'm a very level headed person but with this OCD I just feel so helpless. Also I've heard that marijuana can help OCD but I obviously can't do that now. Is there a way to cure OCD naturally, or do I have to go see a doctor and take meds. Sorry for the long post, I just feel really messed up right now and your help would be greatly appreciated and can anyone relate with anyhting I'm saying because no one I know personally has OCD and I feel very isolated at times.
