Do I Have OCD?

[EmilyOlive]

Hello everyone,

I'm questioning whether I have some form of obsessive compulsive disorder. I'm really not eager to add another problem to my life, but ... I found that I have one of the same issues some sufferers seem to have.

For the past two or so years, I've had a horrible fear of being a pedophile. I only found out yesterday that some people with OCD will obsess over whether or not they are "genuinely aroused" by the idea of molesting children. I know some people have a problem with homosexuality, as well, although I've never felt scared of that. Anyway, only recently -- perhaps in the past few months -- have I begun to think about pedophilia more and more. I have had that mental spike that one user (Ameera00) once mentioned, that adrenaline rush that said, "Yes, that would feel good." I feel so relieved to know that I am not a horrendous soul, but there is still a lot of shame in keeping this private from my mother. And I'm rather afraid I might think of pedophilia more often than others because I have a six-year-old brother living with me. I've never had a real urge to touch a child, but sometimes I just imagine I do; it scares me so badly. I have been obsessing about this for a long time now.

This is my only symptom. I've never talked with a doctor. Do you think I have OCD?

~Emily

 

[xSleepy]

uuumm, well I have OCD, but I cant say if thats what you have. For me I just want to do everything over and over and over again.

I wish I could help, but i cant

 

[EmilyOlive]

Well, I know there are many different forms of OCD and my worries are probably not amongst the most common. Thank you anyway, Sleeping Beauty.

~Emily

 

[4seasons]

I have obsessive thoughts like that to. Not on that same topic but there are a couple things that are always on my mind.

 

[El_nino]

I have thoughts like this aswell, again not about pedophelia but its the same thing when youre 97% certain that its not true:L:L

 

[EmilyOlive]

Thanks for your replies. I do wonder, however, whether it is actually OCD. I am not, of course, seeking professional assistance on this site, but I imagine some of you might have an idea. It's just that, at this point, it's very nearly consumed my life. Oh, I'm so glad I found that I'm not the only one who suffers; otherwise I would be in so much more pain.

~Emily

 

[Gealach]

It does sound similar to OCD. An obsessive thought about something that society tells you is wrong, which makes you anxious and upset. I think you should ask a therapist to help you figure it out though since the mind is extremely complicated. It seems to me that this thought might just be part of your social anxiety. Are you afraid that you will actually act on this thought? Are you afraid that you will get in trouble for having the thought? Or are you afraid of what people would think of you if they knew that you were thinking these things?

I think everyone has horrible thoughts sometimes - you can't control what pops into your mind. The difference is in how you react to those thoughts.

 

[EmilyOlive]

Gealach,

I'm not so much afraid of acting on these thoughts than what the consequences would be if I did. I would never be able to forgive myself, and it would ruin people's lives; although I know me pretty well, and I would never sexually abuse a child.

I am also scared of what my mother would think of me if I had these thoughts. Come to think of it, not just her -- I am very well liked by most people who meet me, and many of those people are children and their parents. I enjoy children because they are children, not sex objects, but perhaps that is why I have these terrible thoughts.

I know that the mind is an intricate and always dangerous place. I realize I have control and should be able to stop this, but I can't. And I don't want to admit to my mother that I might need to talk with a therapist to get help, because I have enough problems in my life. I want the most prominent problem to be my father's emotional abuse, and it was for a long time, but now it seems like these thoughts are just all-consuming.

Although part of the problem was evidently that I thought I was a horrible freak, because once I had done some research and found it was a symptom of OCD, I felt considerably better, and knew it could be conquered.

~Emily

 

[Gealach]

You're not a freak. Everyone has thoughts that they would rather not have.

It sounds to me more like you're mostly worried about what other people would think of you if they knew you had these thoughts. I don't know exactly what "label" that would put you under though. Regardless, it's a recurring thought that causes you anxiety. And worrying about the fact that you're having these thoughts just causes you to dwell on it and makes the anxiety worse.

If it helps, you should tell yourself that it's normal to have thoughts about things that are wrong. Everyone does. If you can accept that, maybe you can stop the obsession with this particular thought. It may not be that easy though because sometimes you know something rationally, but your mind still can't accept it.

 

[EmilyOlive]

To all who replied, thank you so much for all the support! I do feel better knowing more about it -- that it might be a social phobia or OCD or whatever; it doesn't much matter; what is important to me is that I realize now that I am not a horrible person. The thoughts are still bothering me, but slightly less so at this point. Anyway, thank you.

~Emily