Distance between me and my family

C

Clown

Well-known member
I was back in the early days pretty social human being with many friends, but that all changed afhter getting SA around 13 years old and im now 20.
Since my 13th I was just fu depressed that I changed so much not only as a person but the way I view the world around me.
That I just lock my self most of the time in my room and not doing fun things with my family.

I have made few friends and with them I communicate good 'to a point'' but with my family I can't even communicate I don't know what to say to them the conversation is basically : what are gonna do , what for weather is it gonna be tommorow and then its just stops.
They my parents and sisters don't say anything back to me and I don't say anything back to them only stupid questions.
Even the boyfriend from my sister I say only Hi to him and he Hi back and he is coming here almost every day and most of the time im in my room.
And now my sister and here boyfriend moving out, but im so terrified that if im there in there new house its just one big awfull silence.

I just can't take it anymore I can't go to school, my family is one big mess ( they don't even know who I am afhter all these years) Im losing friends , Can't almost work and my generalised anxiety disorder gets worse with the day.
Im almost at breaking point of collapsing and slipping in to depression, I have almost everyday thinking about suicide but even for that im a coward, I should have done years ago on the peak of my life 13th lol ..-_-' If I do it people probaly just will say he was just social retarded with no life thats why he killed himself , and only that alone prevents me from doing it.

Please help me what must I do !!!
 
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Prestonator

Prestonator

Well-known member
Hey there!

Hmmm sounds to me like you are in a bit of a difficult situation. Awkwardness in families is hard if you live together. Do they know about your anxiety? Family should be the people who can help and understand your problems, so i think it would be wise to try to make them understand. What is it that makes you anxious? I guess maybe the silence might increase you levels of anxiety, would I be right in saying that?

Please don't think about committing suicide; life should be treasured. This will be resolvable. Personally I don't feel suicide is the answer. I just think you need to talk to someone about it. Someone who can help you try to build your relationship back with your family. Have you considered help from a professional?
 
L

Lccska

Well-known member
Have you tried sitting down with your Family and honestly telling them what is going on with you? I admit that most people who haven't "been there" don't have a clue about the disorder. I tell my family, " I know there is nothing rational about the way I think. Telling me to stop thinking this way doesn't help a bit". It may help to be honest and to tell them the truth.
Secondly, you need to find a good Psychiatrist &/or Psychologist. Therapy will work wonders. People on this forum battle back and forth about the good and bad of medication. They (medication) saved my life, so take that bit of advice as my own personal experience. You need to need help. It sounds like you're falling further down"the black hole" (depression). I have learned to control my illness, and not let it control me.
Take small steps daily and don't expect overnight success. I now have a good life, but the illness is still there. You have to learn how you are going to live your life with the illness. And I do believe it is an illness. Anything that can have this much negative control over your life, had got to be an illness.
 
C

Clown

Well-known member
They know about my anxiety disorder , but no support, only for the worse, my parents haven't really be supporting I have had to hear some painfull things from them ( lets say they want to kick me out of the house and my dad hates me because im lazy scumbag who is doing nothing with his life)
I want to change but its feels really weird if im leaving my room now and just have conversation with my parents or sisters afhter 7 years.
I also eat on my room never with my family, few times I have found the courage to eat with my family but it was just strange, nobody said something and I feel like : wtf am im doing still here ?!
And its just not me alone , they don't have much to say to me either.
Im constant thinking what I stay behind alone without a family loose friends , job fail.
How can I come out of this self destroying cycle.

And what must I say , I don't know its weird , with friends I can talk endless about stuff and with family I can't even hold a conversation longer then a few minutes , me and my family have never been really close , and when I see my dad or go away he just says nothing to me he never asked me how is going school or with friends nothing he just says Hi when I come in and then he just shut his mouth.

I now just get angry and irritated around them because the only time when they ask me something is when im doing something wrong, I just hate there presence around me for some strange reason
 
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L

Lccska

Well-known member
It sounds like you have serious Family issues. There are such a thing as "toxic" people. They actually cause you to be ill. It doesn't sound like they offer you any support. But you have good relationships with friends, which is a good sign. Maybe you need to somehow get out of that house. If you don't have a job, that may be difficult. Your Family may be a large part of the problem. Maybe you can make a goal of getting out of there, and start working toward that goal.
 
L

Lccska

Well-known member
Why wouldn't you see your Family again? We're all supposed to grow up and leave home. That's how you start to make your own life. I think that's the natural progression in life.
 
Bo592

Bo592

Well-known member
I went though this, It made me feel bad like I was not suppose to be apart of this world. I had no friend and family. It was scared at first when I started to live on my own I felt like I was never going to get the feel of living on my own too. it scary at first but I always look at it like this (get in to a Hot tub that very Hot a first but the longer you stay in it you body start to adjust to it.) that it your body just has to adjust to living on your own. The first spet is Hell but you got to look to the spet after when you are leaving your home in peace feeling like you are apart of this world. It get better once you try trust me.
 
Bo592

Bo592

Well-known member
I went though this, It made me feel bad like I was not suppose to be apart of this world. I had no friend and family. It was scared at first when I started to live on my own I felt like I was never going to get the feel of living on my own too. it scary at first but I always look at it like this (get in to a Hot tub that very Hot a first but the longer you stay in it you body start to adjust to it.) that it your body just has to adjust to living on your own. The first spet is Hell but you got to look to the spet after when you are leaving your home in peace feeling like you are apart of this world. It get better once you try trust me.
 
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