disregarded at home/how to handle it

[cowboyup]

Or feeling like it - or rather, my social anxiety is over thinking the whole d**n thing.

So here's the story: I have posted a lot about my SIL (sister in law) here in the past....a yin/yang kinda thing with her I guess....Anyhow, we were visiting her father over the summer and he takes me aside and says, "you should really get a job to help her out" ... I've agreed since this whole "watching my family's kids" for 7 years. I am taking them back and forth to school, school functions, etc., cooking, cleaning, laundry, bathe kids, help with homework.......and SIL has to do is go to work, I do the rest. If she's sick or the kids are sick, I make sure I take care of them as well.

Anyhow, I make a conscious effort to try and get a job in the evening to work around HER schedule so all my kid obligations won't interfere with their school and activities, so I applied for some graveyard jobs, get a few hits and a couple interviews (right now I am awaiting background check then I can start training and working)

Well, now, my SIL is completely ignoring me, and only speaks to me if I ask her question or if absolutely necessary to speak to me. I told her I'd help her with bills, etc., but now I am being completely shut out of everything, and of course I miss those times going to the (silly as it sounds) grocery store with them, etc., it's the little things I guess. She said she's taking them to the movies tonight and out to dinner, shopping. Usually, she'd at least invite me, but now it's no more than I am the help and I feel I've done something wrong to upset her....yes the dynamics of this family run weird and deep.

My Question is, would it be best for me to just straight out ask her if she's upset with me for something or if there is something that's bothering her, and maybe she'd like to talk about it? How do I sensibly approach her without making it sound like it's all about me..which it's not, but I have been with the kids since their birth and now I feel kinda sad.

 

[BlueDays]

You are basically her "Wife".

All she has to do each day is go to work - outside the home - and you do all of her child-minding and housework for her;

"....taking them back and forth to school, school functions, etc., cooking, cleaning, laundry, bathe kids, help with homework.......all SIL has to do is go to work, I do the rest. If she's sick or the kids are sick, I make sure I take care of them as well".....

Of course she is peeved.
If you get a job - outside the home - she will have to do some of the child-minding and housework that YOU do, when she comes home from work.
She will lose the 24/7 Nanny and Housekeeper that you are for her.

Other women have to work in a job outside the home and then come home and look after their young children and do housework; grocery shopping/cleaning the house/bathroom/washing clothes/ironing/folding clean clothes/putting them in each family members cupboards/getting the kids bathed/help kids with their homework/cooking dinner/washing the dishes and putting away the dishes.... from the minute they get home from work to when they go to bed in the evening and on weekends.

So she has been very lucky to have you as her "wife" doing all of that for her for this long.

 

[cowboyup]

Hi BlueDays,

Hmm, I've never thought of it that way-as being the "wife" - thanks for that insight! What you described is very true and I guess I needed an outside opinion.

I asked her, point blank, if she was upset or if something was bothering her (giving her the benefit of the doubt) trying to address the situation and simply express how I am feeling when she acts that way. She just said "no" and closed her bedroom door. So, I guess I am just going to not overthink the situation, go about my business and stay in my corner.